Sunday, October 28, 2007
.........Stayed in, ate popcorn, watched girlie movies and cried a lot of course!!
I was hoping to develop cabin fever that would make me want to rush out of the house and hit the town and paint it a great shade of maroon or something wicked .... but alas, cabin fever proves totally elusive and i find I've stayed in the entire weekend!
The reason for the pink ticket is that my son's been away all weekend at his father's wedding. I'm not sure why i feel so down about it all - I mean, I wanted that divorce too ... 'Didn't i?' It's just that selfish thing inside me that says; 'Well, I may not have wanted him, but that doesn't mean i want anyone else to have him either!' I mean he was my husband first, and is the father of my gorgeous son, and ............... Oh Bollocks, I sound like a child having a tantrum and as all good mothers know, we should never give in to a tantrum. (But as all great mothers know, we often do just to keep the peace!)
But still, I'm struggling a little here .... he could have fought for us a little don't you think? .....
Anyway, enough of that. I got the best bits out of the marriage - my son and the dogs - hey who needs the husband? I've got enough on my plate as it is without having added extras on board!
I've got the prize winning Rottweiler running around the house with a bucket on his head after having an operation on his eye. He's taking out everything in his wake as he can't seem to work out that his head is three times its normal size - which being a Rottweiler isn't small on a good day!
It's mayhem here running about the house after him diving to save vases, cups and all other breakables from the tables as he crashes by. And the walls in the whole house have paint chips coming off where he's crashed his way through doorways, round corners and down the corridor.
They fail to mention that down at the vets when you check them in. All they tell you is 'I'm sorry, we really need to perform this operation to improve his quality of life' - Well they forget about the owners quality of life when they have to pay off the bills the operation incurs!
What they should say is 'Please take out a large bank loan in order to pay our bill, and a 2nd mortgage wouldn't go amiss as you'll have to redecorate the house once the dog comes home with an enormous bucket on his head for 10 days and completely destroys your decor!
Anyway - he's worth it - as my son always says 'No-one can resist a puppy dog pout!'
....... But hell, who am i trying to convince here that I'm fine with this 'he's getting remarried' thing by prattling on about my dogs? ..... You or Me?
...... Personally i don't think either.
Excuse me whilst i go and open another box of tissues.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Well, i ask you. I had been in and out almost scott free when;
First of all I met a friend in the reception i hadn't seen in ages who asked me how i was. - Bad idea considering;
a) I was in the doctors surgery
b) Was awfully red eyed and weepy - and ALL women should know the drill - NEVER be nice to someone when she is very obviously on the brink of tears! - It is the sure way to crack the gate to full on waterworks and means your nice friendly doctor is in danger of flooding her office and will almost certainly have to change into a rubber frock!
c) My ex-husband's getting married today to the thin, pretty chick with a face of stone. (They'll be no laughter lines on her when she's old and grey, let me tell you!)
Then - can you believe - to top it all - the nurse caught me and said she needed to weigh me! ........ Weigh Me! ...... Is she kidding?!?! ............. Well apparently not.
I did suggest perhaps "Far Too Much" or "Extra Large" might do it if she just wrote that down as a 'sure guess' without the full blown embarrassment of climbing on the scales - but Oh No, she absolutely insisted!
She said if it would make me feel better i could take my shoes off - like that make a shed load of difference!! - I mean where were my 5kg high heels when i needed them!
And tell me this - how come i didn't get the only decent symptom on the 'Irritable Bowel' list, of 'loss of weight'. I want that symptom and not just the gut wrenching cramps, 'Michelin' man looks and serious wind that has my son shouting 'Mum, mum, the dog's done a windy again!' every 5 minutes.
(Hey, perhaps one day I'll let on it's really me and stop kicking the dog!)
.......................... Life, ... it's so not fair!!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
By Friday I was feeling a little guilty after dumping my son all week and missing out on the motherly children bonding action so I decided to join them for lunch. I dutifully went into the office until lunchtime then bailed in order to join in with the ‘ladies that lunch’ and see what they got up to in an ordinary day at the ‘office’.
I must say, I did struggle to keep up with the conversation whilst they discussed how they’d invented the latest “Gosh you must give me the recipe, it’s fabulous” talk, and who’s little precious darling was the latest to join the pony club, but as the afternoon wore on and some of the ladies had to move on for hair appointments, gardening lessons and polo clinics, the conversation certainly woke me up.
Well, I can tell you, I had absolutely no idea what these SAHMs (Stay At Home Mums) got up to. There was the ‘who’s had a boob job and who’s booked in for one’ conversation which I found quite enlightening. Then it was ‘who’s done who’s latest hairdo’- which I must say I also struggled with a little as I’m that girl who has her hair cut once a year – and only when I’ve been to the annual shaggy dog show and realise I could qualify for the ‘shaggiest dog in show’!
But then ………. well it got riveting.
Turns out there are a group of mothers who spend most afternoons drinking wine and putting various narcotic substances up their noses! …. I was floored!
Right in amongst our midst is another world of ‘Desperate Housewives’ I’ve only ever read about and seen on TV. Apparently there’s one woman – who it seems is talk of the town – who’s husband (although they are still married – happily probably very questionably) has gone to court to get custody of his children. Four of them I understand – all below the age of 6! Talk is that he’s a ‘little worried’ – understatement of the year I should imagine – about the welfare of his kids as Mrs whoever she is has been a little unpredictable with regards looking after the children as she’s either pissed or stoned 90% of the time it seems and keeps wandering off with or without the kids in tow.
Well I’ve got to say – thank god for house staff in this part of the world because by the sounds of it, I think they are probably the only ones keeping any sense of stability together at all for those poor children.
I’m sure in any other part of the world, social services would have been round in a flash and whipped them all into care by now, but here we don’t have any kind of organisation that remotely resembles social services so it falls on those who know her to try and make her see some sense but I think perhaps she probably just offers them a drink and they all get stuck in for the rest of the afternoon and that’s that.
I did ask why she kept having all these children – as I understand one of them is still only a few months old – but evidently its because ‘she wants to prove she can at least do motherhood’ – but can she?????? ……….. I don’t bloody think so! And what kind of strange way is that of proving it wouldn’t you say, and funnily enough it turns out that one of the kids ‘isn’t quite right’!
Monday, October 22, 2007
I read an excellent article in the press in one of the dailies which was a comment on the issue of politics and tribalism.
First of all can I say, I’d like to totally agree with the fellow who said that all those who felt he should vote with his tribe should basically ‘Get Stuffed’! A Kikuyu guy wrote the comment stating that the fact that although a fellow Kyuk has been in power, this has not altered his life (or any other Kikuyu for that matter) any different from any other Kenyan. Likewise in our constituency we’ve had a Luo in power for the past however long and there are no Luo’s I know of around here that have benefited – or not as the case may be – any more than the next guy whichever tribe they may be from.
Majimboism (the latest buzz word in the politicking factions) – according to the proposed constitution – is the decentralization of government with more power to the people, and although this sounds great on paper, Kenyans extremely tribalist roots will suggest they get their own tribes in and all others out! .. and the case of sharing out the cash to run each constituency will be a whole debate of its own …
A colleague in the office told me of a scam that was going on throughout the last general election that had a gang of goons going around the villages telling the voters they felt wouldn’t swing Kibaki’s way that if they put an X in the box for Kibaki, it would mean that you didn't want him for president.
Please fellow Kenyans, let’s wake up and smell the roses. Let's vote for those with the best policies, those that will make our great country move forward and upward as it deserves to do.
The union spokesman from the BBC says:
"The staff is demoralized and angry!"
Now tell me - wouldn't you also be demoralized and angry if it turned out your union spokesman couldn't speak English either!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Not sure if you’ve ever come across my blog before or read about the news story somewhere else, but I had written about the Royal Air Force who lost a bomb a couple of weeks ago. whilst out on exercise in Scotland somewhere. Not sure if it ever turned up, but ....
“Let’s not overreact and ‘Go All Football’, we’ll just carry on as if nothing had happened and hope that some nice chap might just come across whilst out walking his dog one day and give us a quick tinkle so that we can swing by and pick it up sometime!”
Well, the Americans – not to be outdone by the Brits in any form or other have gone one better – in fact, I wouldn’t even say one better – but in true American style – totally over the top in fact.
The US Air Force not only lost the odd bomb, but totally misplaced six nuclear warheads!!
……. The paper cites anonymous sources who say that five (later updated to six) Advanced Cruise Missiles were mistakenly loaded on a B-52 bomber that flew from a base in North Dakota to one in Louisiana. The missiles, set to be decommissioned, should have been removed from the plane. Instead, they were mounted on the bomber’s wings……
Thankfully it was only for a 3 hour period and the US Air Force hasten to assure us, that the public was never at risk - ‘because of safeguards that should of kept the warheads from detonating in the event of a crash or accidental launch.’!!
……. What on earth do you mean ‘SHOULD’?!? - Perhaps they should have notified the crew flying the plane that they were carrying them in the first place – perhaps that might have been a little more useful!!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The leaders pledged a world where all children complete their elementary education; a world where people have access to safe drinking water, and families are protected from deadly diseases like malaria; a world where nations work together to cut greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global warming. Above all, our leaders promised a world where people are no longer condemned to a life of extreme and egregious poverty.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Statistics show that spending by tourists makes up 12% of our economy and about half a million Kenyans depend on the travel industry for a living so it is absolutely vital that we take care of it.
Kenyans are generally well aware of this fact and are most definitely making more of an effort with regards to sustainable tourism development and promoting practices that will conserve Kenya’s natural environment and improve livelihoods of associated communities.
Ecotourism Kenya is a civil society organization that is now doing exactly that and pursues its vision of making Kenya’s tourism sustainable by:-
- Managing the Eco-rating Scheme, a certification system for tourism accommodation facilities in Kenya
- Managing the Eco-warrior Award, an annual award that recognizes outstanding tour operators, accommodation providers and community groups in Kenya
- Conducting educational and training programs for stakeholders in the tourism industry, with an emphasis on community groups
- Conducting surveys and research on ecotourism and sustainable tourism
- Providing advisory and consultancy services in areas of research, planning, management and policy development on issues relating to ecotourism
- Supporting communities implementing community based tourism initiatives
- Maintaining a database of ecotourism initiatives in Kenya
So now you’ve all got a taste for the great things that we are trying to do for our country please come and visit us and put in your contribution to saving our beautiful environment.
For the most eco-friendly safaris, go to www.ecotourism.org and search through the tourism accommodation facilities on their site that have been certified in the Eco-rating scheme.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Blog Action Day is about MASS participation. Please click on the link below and be a part of this:
He wasn’t doing anything exciting enough at the time – just flying his plane, not attempting to break any records or anything so it seems its not very interesting and we can forget that somewhere out there in the Navada dessert is this fellow – or what remains of him. He’s got to be there somewhere – I mean, it’s highly unlikely someone took him, is it? Personally I can’t see high demand for old fat boy adventurers? (No offence to him at all - but really i would hardly say he was the nickable type ..........)
Anyway its been over a month now and not a word and I do think that perhaps it does deserve the odd mention from time to time as it must be horrendous for his family to just never have any idea of what happened or where on earth he ended up.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
I’d never heard of Neiman Marcus – the outrageous present shopping site until I heard of them on a business segment of the CNN news the other day when they were talking of the new Christmas Catalogue that has been launched.
Well, I had no idea what fab things you could buy online (if only you have tons of cash and a little brain that would make you waste wads of cash, and if you are that person and are reading this – please give me a call and I could give you a million and one ideas on how better to give away your money. We have millions starving in this part of the world that for less than a dollar a day can be fed, clothed and housed. - Think about it!!) - but I digress ….. a lot!
Sorry, back to the point.
I was awfully excited to see that you can spend $75,000 on a robot that will talk to you (- it doesn’t tell you what it says though! Perhaps it gives worldly advice on where next to park your cash, or perhaps it gives out stocks and share advice – or perhaps it was programmed by a normal person and only says “Stop wasting your money, you flash git!!”)
Not only that, but at a snip, for $73,000 you can get yourself a diamond encrusted cell-phone (-that of course is highly likely to get nicked at any given moment in this, our smashing home town of Nai-robbery – whoops sorry – Nairobi, and then sold in some shady deal to some fellow downtown for about ten bucks – as it’s too bling to fetch more. And what they’d do when they pressed the button and got the 24 hour global concierge service could be an extremely amusing tale … I wonder if they have a ‘Jaluo’ service?)
And if you’ve got a cool $1.59Million to blow and 499 friends (which I sadly wouldn’t be able to rustle up – just call me ‘Norma’ – Norma No Mates!) – you can get yourself a private concert with Russia’s Kirov Orchestra and ‘for good measure’, the Steinway concert grand stays behind! - Gosh, they really are too kind!
It’s brilliant. I wonder if they have a service where you can list all the items you’d like gifted to you for Christmas, send a letter up to the North Pole, and Father Christmas could kindly drop down your chimney and leave them all nicely packaged under your Christmas tree in return for a glass of milk and a carrot for Rudolph?
Friday, October 5, 2007
Now could someone please talk me through the supernanny and her latest book “Jo Frost’s Confident Baby Care”?
I’m sorry but why would anyone take heed of words spouted by some dominatrix style finger wagging stuffy chick whose never actually had a child of her own, and let her dictate to you what is good and bad for your own baby, and by any stretch of the imagination think you feel ‘confident’ about any of it?!?!
Has she been to that rock bottom place in her life where all you want to do is throttle the little blighter and drop kick them off the balcony of your 10th story apartment?
Has she ever had to live in a sleep deprived state of despair listening to ear splitting screams that you think will never end?
Has she ever had to walk about with the inevitable blow up rubber ring tucked under her arm everywhere she went on which she has to humiliatingly sit down on to get any respite from major discomfort from bits of your body that have been battered, bruised and most likely stitched up?
Has she?? Has she??
Nope, didn’t think so!
You go girl, just you wait and see how the parenting techniques pan out for you darling if you ever do have a baby, and all you want to do is curl up in the corner and quietly fade away, and meanwhile she’s finger wagging at you from the inner pages of her bestseller saying; “Don’t give in. Routine is king!”, and meanwhile back here in the real world, you’ll do absolutely anything for 10 minutes peace. And if that means sticking your baby on the boob every half an hour just to keep them from incessant ear-splitting screaming, then so be it!
I’m afraid good, solid, common sense goes straight out the window, because if it doesn’t, the likelihood is the baby will!
Thursday, October 4, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
1. Range Rover/Land Rover or some other large sturdy 4x4 with the biggest 'f... off' bull bar you can find.
- This says 'Don't mess with me. I'm not afraid to use it! I can hit you harder!'
- This comes with a status tag and will generally gain you some respect on the road as generally all 'WaBenzies' (as those who drive them are known) will not allow you to even touch the paintwork without calling the cops and making you waste half your day standing on the side of the road waiting for them to show up.
3. Toyota Corolla
- Generally only driven by those with a death wish or keen on a seriously exciting, although sometimes lethal, game of dodgems of a morning. Matatu drivers have absolutely no shame about driving one of those straight off the road and into the nearest ditch, or, if you get caught on the wrong side, straight into the oncoming traffic. And seeing as almost half the cars on the road are Toyota corollas - it is incredibly tricky surviving in one.
So, my advice to anyone about to buy themselves a car in Kenya. First of all, new is not recommended. If it has a few scratches on the side before you buy it, so much the better as then you won't feel so bad when you have your first ding - because you will have one no matter how safe a driver you think you are. It's not about you darlin', it's about the other mad b.........s on the road. For god's sake, do not, whatever you do, buy yourself a Corolla as you'll be lucky if you last a week without getting side swipped. The best recommendation is to invest in a whopping great 4x4 - the older the better - and fit the biggest and most solid bull bar you can find on the front, put your aggressive hat on and take to the road. - You'll feel just like 'Moses' when the traffic parts ahead of you!