Errrr ...... "WHOOPS!"

REUTERS REPORTS .........



Canada's PM says Dalai Lama "is not a call girl"
(Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then .....)

OTTAWA (Reuters) - When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to explain in a year-end interview why he'd met the Dalai Lama in his Ottawa office, it was clear he wanted to show respect for the exiled Tibetan leader.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite come out that way.

"I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl," Harper told OMNI television.

He quickly added: "As I say, he's a respected international spiritual leader."

China condemns the Dalai Lama as a separatist and presses world leaders to shun him. German Chancellor Angela Merkel met him in September, but only in private, and last month the Vatican called off a meeting with the Pope set for December 13.

Harper is a strong critic of China's human rights record and what he calls the "undemocratic regime" in Beijing.

China condemned Harper for "disgusting conduct" in late October after he met the Dalai Lama in his parliamentary office with television cameras and photographers present.

The Dalai Lama -- who fled his predominantly Buddhist homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Communist rule -- was granted honorary Canadian citizenship in June.

Harper's chief spokeswoman did not respond to a query as to whether the prime minister regretted his choice of words in the interview, which took place on Tuesday but was embargoed until Thursday.

There’s been a fab fest of strange stories in the news over the last couple of days and I thought I’d post a couple of my faves to share;

Starting off with a classic in Singapore where a national service man sashayed into a lift early one morning clad in only a pink bikini.

(Sorry - couldn't find a picture of the bloke but thought you'd appreciate this one of Danielle Lloyd a lot more anyhow!)

He was fined S$11,000 and put in jail for the day. Of the charges he admitted to included “outraging the modesty of the woman who shared the lift with him”!
- Personally, I’d appeal that one as obviously just because the woman has a complex about the fact that the fellow looked hotter than she ever could wearing that pink bikini – surely should be no reason for such a hefty fine!

The best part of the story is the summing up;
“In mitigation, Tan Wen Zhong’s lawyer said ‘his client has been badly affected by his parents divorce during his formative years’”!!

- Totally with you there honey – I mean what else would make you want to rush round town dressed in a pink bikini? I mean my parents divorced when I was young and that must totally explain my constant urge to charge round town wearing only a pair of Snoopy boxer shorts ….. Damn, what on earth was I thinking wasting all that money on therapy!!


…….. then I came across;

“Do Goats Make Great Gifts?”
- which surely can only by summed up in one line ……..
“Depends if you’re the goat!”

How many 5 year olds can you take on?

Don't joke with me now as this is my score ........



30

This survey tells you how many five year old children you could fight at once.

Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combating experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass.

Here are the ground rules:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
There are no weapons or foreign objects
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
The children are merciless and will show no fear
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

Cheating of course is highly recommended .....

(I should get extra marks actually for being trampled on a horse more than once - this year alone!!)

click on the red box above and ... GOOD LUCK IN YOUR MISSION !

Latest News Update from the BBC ...

Man cuts off penis in restaurant
A man cut off his penis with a knife in a packed London restaurant.
Police were forced to use CS gas to restrain the man when they entered the Zizzi restaurant in The Strand on Sunday evening.
A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said the man was aged between 30 and 40 and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

.............. Goodness Gracious – Imagine just popping down The Strand for a spot of Italian when some lunatic comes charging into the restaurant, into the kitchen, grabs a kitchen knife and started slashing at himself.

The fact that he chopped off his own willy was kind of a dumb thing to do wouldn’t you say.

Sadly the London Hospital into which he is currently admitted say that although the main is in a stable condition ; ‘It is understood that surgeons were unable to reattach his penis.'

Now, do you think there was a waiter rushing after the ambulance shouting “Sorry Sir, I think you might have forgotten something!”, waving the fellow’s willy in the air? . . Perhaps that’s it, he should have given the waiter a bigger tip so he didn't jump up and down on it before giving it back!

Oh you could have so much fun with this story – it must be a woman thing – I’m absolutely sure all men reading this are wincing whilst all the girls are chuckling away

… He He He !

Ricky Hatton’s new career?

Unless you’ve been living in a dark place without any media in the last week, it must be general knowledge that there was a boxing match that took place today between Ricky Hatton and Floyd Mayweather.

Now I must say, that although boxing is not really my favourite sport, as I don’t quite understand why two grown men blatting each other should cause such a stir when surely all round the world outside some bar, somewhere, every weekend, you’ll be sure to get a couple of people smacking each other round the head, but I suppose not quite so many people will be betting their live savings on the event, as (according to Sky News – font of knowledge for all that’s English), that’s what half of Manchester did, and I must say how very sorry I feel for them all now.

Anyway, when I got up this morning I found that they were showing the fight live on one of our satellite channels, and I really felt compelled to watch the event as if I hadn’t done, something life changing may have happened and I would have missed it, so I turned it on.

Well, apart from watching two fellows chasing each other round a very small square and smacking each other in the chops, I really don’t think anything significant happened to change the world.

But then . . . they slotted in a little interview of Ricky Hatton’s father explaining that although a couple of weeks ago, Mr Hatton Junior was known as ‘Ricky Fatton’, it was not a problem for the young fellow as apparently losing 10 pounds in one single week is a simple thing for him.

WELL . . . . Women worldwide would pay millions for that kind of information, and seeing as the fellow lost the fight anyway, he should perhaps go for a bit of a career change and start up ‘Ricky Hatton’s Dream Diet Club’ – he’d never have to get smacked round the head ever again.

Go on Ricky – you know it makes sense – I’ll be your first member.

Call Me !

Hot Tips for 'Sensible Drinking at Christmas'

My medical insurance company has just sent me through an email with some top advice on 'Sensible drinking at Christmas' - apart from the usual 8 to 10 glasses of water per day of course!

Now, I'm really sorry but, although i realise that i do live in the back end of nowhere when it comes to health care, i pay a lot of bloody money for that medical insurance and i wish to make the most of that by hopefully having myself evacuated off for a fine holiday in South Africa or the UK - all because i got a little drunk and tripped over the dog, so you can be damn sure I'll be doing nothing sensible this Christmas, and I'll not be reading that !

....... the little voice in my head of course got the better of me, nagging with the;

"MC, how can you be so insensitive to the efforts of some poor struggling young doctor who's being paid wad loads of cash writing these articles on the bloody obvious in order to benefit your health!"

……… so I read on and realised with much delight that some of the advice was really quite excellent, so I thought I'd share and ease my conscience for my little outburst earlier dissing my insurance company .....
(I have of course added my own explanations in and am now quite happy with these sensible drinking rules)

EASY WAYS TO LIMIT YOUR DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS PARTIES

• Eat before you go out, so you are not drinking on an empty stomach
  (This of course means you can drink a damn site more before your legs give way)
• Set yourself a limit for each occasion - and stick to it
  (Now if that's going to be 2 bottles of wine - or perhaps 3 if you think it might be a long one - make sure you get it all down your neck before you even think about going home)
• Skip the ‘quick drink’ at lunchtime or after work
  (Make sure you get loads of chums together and make it an exceptionally long lunch so you can get a few extra down before wobbling back to the office)
• Learn how to say No and avoid pressure if you don’t want a drink
  (If of course, you have absolutely no intention of saying the word and would absolutely love a drink, “Help yourself, and the extra large glasses are above the fridge!”)
  
  Cheers!
  

Thieves party on .............

Just picked this up from Reuters - and reckon that these Aussies should get in touch with the thieves who walked off with the guiness in Ireland as between them they could most definitely have a serious Paaaaaaaaarty!


Thieves say Merry Xmas and take the ham
Mon 3 Dec 2007, 6:13 GMT

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Cheeky Australian thieves stole 16 tonnes of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse and then wrote "Thanks, Merry Christmas" on a wall, police said on Monday.
The thieves cut through a wall of the warehouse between Saturday and Sunday and stole up to A$100,000 (43,000 pounds) worth of meat.

"Officers located a message on the wall of the building, reading, 'Thanks, Merry Christmas'," said a police statement.