Kenyan humour ....

This short clip illustrates what a fabulous sense of humour the MAJORITY of Kenyans have and what sadly those minority 'Anonymous' types seem to be lacking.

For the rest of you, enjoy ........... this is brilliant!

Will someone please get the German authorities a sense of humour!!

Saw these headlines come through on CNN last night – “Parents try to sell baby on eBay”, and my immediate reaction was;

“Brilliant, What a FAB idea!”

Apparently the baby was 7 months old and labelled as ‘Nearly New’. I laughed so hard. The Germans however did NOT. They immediately sent the mother for psychiatric help and took the baby into care!!

I mean, Yes, I do believe it takes a special kind of person to actually go ahead and advertise their baby for sale on eBay, and for just one Euro do you mind, but please tell me of one parent in this world who at some time or another in their child’s life – even if it was just for a split second – didn’t think that they may actually even pay someone to take them away, and to gain one whole Euro in exchange would be a bargain actually!!

Personally I would have added in a line;
"Toys included".

Like I said it probably takes a slightly warped person to really carry it off, but the parents did try to explain that it was done as a joke and they really would never have gone ahead with it. But Oh No, the German authorities would have none of it.

Don’t tell me that people who do deal in any form of child trade – which I will be the first to condemn wholeheartedly let me tell you – would ever in a million years genuinely traffic children by advertising on eBay for goodness sake.

Now this is headlines on every news channel, and all I can say is I hope eBay is making some great marketing sales out of this. My first retort as 'Marketing Director' for them would be to put out a great ad amplifying the fact that you would be bloody amazed what you can buy on eBay these days!!

You're probably all jumping up and down at your computers by now going "Oh My God, what type of woman is this Mzungu Chick", but perhaps you might look at the fact that ALL parents in the entire world probably need a little psychiatric help from time to time when it's all going pear shaped at their house, and yes, more than likely they'll never dare say it OUT LOUD, because of course to all of us, our own children are the most perfect little darlings that ever walked this earth, and we'll all be the first to tell you such. But once in a while, the thought of jumping off the fridge freezer to get away from the noise, the guilt and the continuous heartache known as 'parenthood' doesn't seem like such a crazy idea.

At least this has taught me one small lesson in life;

For Goodness Sake, whatever you're thinking, don't let those thoughts escape out of your head!

Personally I think we should all get a grip, and SMILE ! :)

What it's really like in "The Ladies" loo ...

This is dedicated to women everywhere who have to deal with any public rest rooms/toilets (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!), and it finally explains to the men what really does take us so long.


When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. Every cubicle is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!

The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance.

In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.'

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser.

In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.

The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet.

'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes.

The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?)

You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this.

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck?

Kenyans keep their sense of humour.

Well, I have finally been out of the house to relieve a little of the cabin fever.

Things are fairly normal somehow and the tension has dropped a little. There seems to be the normal amount of people and traffic on the road that you usually get on a public holiday, and apart from the few shops that are open and are completely overwhelmed with customers who probably have little left in their homes after the continuous back to back public holidays we've been having and the tension that has kept most people at home, things seem to be ticking along in some form of resemblance of normal.

Some matatus (minibuses) are out plying some few routes although i think they are being extremely careful as to who is driving them and how far they go, as currently it seems that any Kikuyu's caught in the wrong place are likely to be lynched.

Sadly it has all become extremely tribal after the election results and after what seemed such a non-tribal and very peaceful voting day, it is a great shame for our country that it has come to this.

I did see a friend's driver at the shops who tells me that things in Kibera and Mathare (two of the biggest slums here in Nairobi), had more burning and looting overnight but he says that the police now seem to be in control in those areas this morning. (I should think this is basically because there is a total curfew being imposed in those areas and anyone found outside their homes will be shot on site).

There has been a few bigwigs who have got together and stood up and formed a 'Peace Initiative', and they are trying their utmost to get the two sides to talk, although i hear that Raila is not agreeing to any form of dialogue with Kibaki at this stage as he says by doing so it will be seen as recognising Kibaki as the president and he is not willing to do that. Lets hope though as the day progresses, someone, somewhere can get some form of dialogue going to relieve this tension.

One thing that has been great this morning is the New Year messages I have been getting. Throughout all of this it seems that Kenyans have certainly not lost their sense of humour, and are poking fun at the entire election process and what has happened since then from both sides of the fence.

I have had:

"I take this opportunity to wish you a most Happy and Prosperous 2008, as any further delay will be termed as rigging and I have no Form 16 or 16A to support my wishes!"

(The forms 16 and 16A are the ones used by the polling stations to send their official results to the Electoral Commission, the ECK)

Then i got:

"Wishing you a happy new year but unable to confirm which year as we await the final tally of days from the ECK. Early reports show we are in 1952. Note: This SMS is recorded and not live."

(Thus poking at the fact that we have been put under a live broadcast ban as the government says that live broadcasting is inciting violence - work that one out for yourselves.)

Finally i just had:

"HaPNU Year"

(PNU being Kibaki's party.)