Sunday, March 9, 2008

Food for Thought for International Women's Day

Yesterday was International Women's Day and so therefore today my post is dedicated to the woman's struggle and the nonsense that we ladies have to put up with because we are, well women!

I think this is really quite a vital subject that relates to the woman's form and that I really felt worth covering today of all days as it is of course a truly international issue, and that is the subject of name badges.

Now did you know that according to independent research, companies whose employees wear name badges are perceived by the public as more friendly, helpful and professional - and employees themselves say their name badges help promote a sense of pride and improve customer care.

“Marvellous”, you say, but can I tell you that yesterday at lunch I observed something quite disturbing that I felt needs much more research with regards to employees and their name badges.

Have you noticed that waitresses tend to attach their name badges to their shirt on the left hand side pocket, and in absence of a pocket – then on the part of the shirt where one would expect to find the pocket perhaps. This is fine for those less well endowed ladies but for those with a little more going in the fun bag department, this does mean of course perching this name badge in an extremely prominent place basically slap bang in the middle of their left tit.

Now you may think that this is all very well and dandy, but there is one major problem here. What I observed is that in customers who are perhaps a little more elderly than the average, they seem not to be quick enough to catch the name on the badge in the usual polite cursory glance, and therefore tend to enquire of said waiting staff their title, and what happens next is really quite startling!

Instead of the waitress just answering “Betty”, “Faith”, or whatever else her name may be, it seems the done thing is to thrust said badge at the questioning person, which means of course thrusting one’s left breast straight into the sight line of probing old bloke!

Now this is all very well to give said old chap an eyeful but what on earth will it do to his heart, or for that matter his digestive system right before he’s about to order his lunch?

But here’s the thing – if these waitresses don’t wear their badge on their left boob, then where on earth else is there to wear it which could be deemed relatively ‘safe’?

I mean, right bosom has obviously the same drawback as the left and so that’s no good, middle of the shirt is even less secure as it would mean thrusting entire cleavage. Wearing the badge any lower down the shirt is blatantly uncouth as making eye contact with ladies you don’t know somewhere around waist level or below is certainly not well-mannered, and so therefore the only alternative I can see is by sticking the badge on their forehead, but I don’t quite see that doing the waitresses self-esteem much good and you might as well stick a dunce cap on their head.

So you see, research is most definitely lacking in this sector, and I really feel it’s my ethical duty to do something about this. I think I shall write a 100+ page proposal (they love a lot of paper these chaps), that I shall distribute about all the NGO’s in these parts in order for someone to give me some funding so that I can continue with this investigation.

I mean certainly this debate relates to public health and women's rights, (both of which I’ve found is a great thing if you’re looking for a spot of donor money), and it is most definitely a deserving cause wouldn’t you think.

Also, at the end of the day, they’d surely rather give me money than wasting it on giving it out to some clandestine government project so that all those politicians can waste it on their fancy houses, four wheel drives and bodyguards who haven’t yet learnt how to get out of a car properly.


Gorilla Bananas said...

How about sticking it on her bottom, so she has to turn round and bend over to show people her name? This is a friendly gesture for gorillas, but I expect humans have some silly hang-up about it.

Mzungu Chick said...

Mr Bananas - Yes I should think bottom flashing is probably seen as a little unfriendly in human terms but I do think it is a fantastic idea. Is that where Gorilla waitresses put their nametags?

Gorilla Bananas said...

I've never succeeded in getting a female gorilla to wait on me. They just eat the food themselves. Are you a nifty cook, Miss Chick? It must be hard to find the time with your busy schedule.

Mzungu Chick said...

Mr Bananas - you'd be impressed what I can rustle up with an egg or two :-)

aims said...

Maybe just a name necklace?

I do like the badges that they clip to waistbands - although as a waitress once upon a time - that wouldn't have been a very practical place since I carried a tray all the time...I even had to learn to wear my watch on the other hand - things you do....

Swearing Mother said...

Where I work (health sector)we women wear our badges on a lanyard around our necks so that they dangle down just past boob level, so anyone can have a look at your badge without appearing to stare down your cleavage. Or alternatively they can stare down your cleavage whilst pretending to look at your badge.

Unfortunately, all the men wear their ID badges on their trouser belts, towards the front, so if you try and check their ID you definitely appear to be gazing at their flies, no question about it.

What sort of equality is that then?

Mzungu Chick said...

Aims - name necklace would seem polite but it'll dangle in people's food I should imagine if you lean across the table which probably isn't a great plan. - unless of course they are difficult customers! HE HE :)

SM - With anyone who has a cleavage like mine, you would never know what my name is as there is no chance of seeing over the boobs! Am sure the men should be given rules as to keeping all name badges at least one foot away from crotch region! - I'm sure they so love it. Thank goodness i haven't seen a waiter put his name badge on his belt at the front - I really dont think I could deal with groin in my soup!!

Anonymous said...

Whey hey! A return to normal posting after months of politics and strife.

This calls for a celebratory drink. Now where's that waitress. "Excuse me miss. Eh, sorry, what's your name?"

*Takes long look at boobs*

Mzungu Chick said...

Whey Hey indeed Primal! "Oooh let's order", goodness what a large pair, "what's your name?", "Ah, Pammy did you say?"

Jane said...

Hilarious! I shall be looking at waitresses in a new light.

Mzungu Chick said...

Kat - Please do and if you can work out any 'polite', thrustable places that the girls can put their name badges, if you could let me know, that would be extremely helpful in my study! :)