La, La, La, La, La, .......

Well, here we have it then.

Uncle Bob votes ...

he wins ...

he’s sworn in ...

and then he toddles off to the AU summit and everything is just fine and dandy!

La, la, la, la, la ……

What Zim looks like from here ...

How I see it is that it is absolutely no surprise that Morgan Tsvangirai has pulled out of the Zimbabwe run off election that is scheduled for the end of the week, because surely with Mugabe openly saying he'll never let him win, torturing any opposition supporters he can get his hands on and meanwhile locking up the MDC leader at every given opportunity he can, the fellow is bollixed if he participates in the run off and .. well, frankly, bollixed if he doesn't, so what to do?

I understand he is currently holed up in the Dutch Embassy, and meanwhile All Africa news reports that the Justice Minister in Zim's response is as follows;


The Justice Minister described Tsvangirai's decision as a nullity saying: "This is the 11th time that Tsvangirai has threatened to withdraw from the presidential run off and on each occasion I have challenged him to put it in writing as required by law."

He told The Herald newspaper that "Zanu PF is not treating the threats seriously."

"It is a nullity. We are proceeding with our campaign to romp to victory on Friday," Chinamasa said.


It sounds a bit like a scrap behind the bike sheds to me!

Gado, the Kenyan cartoonist, summed it up perfectly months ago with this cartoon:


Robert Mugabe couldn't honestly give a flying fart what anyone thinks. For some obscure reason, the world seems to be leaning on Thabo Mbeki to get the fellow to see some sense, but let's get real here people, Mbeki is not the man for this job. He'll never rock the boat with the neighbours no matter how much pressure he's put under - rumour has it our end that the two are somehow related for goodness sake.

So really it's "Na, Na, Na, Na, Na" for the whole lot of them. Mugabe will win and will stop at absolutely nothing to do so.

surprised?

This just came through on 411;

"ANTI-GRAFT COURT summons Embakasi MP-elect Waititu"

..... And are we surprised?

I think Mama Taa is on his case already!

Can you believe this is how far we've got in 100 days ....

This is a report from Reuters News Alert, and this is a picture from this morning in Nairobi, Kenya - TODAY, the 8th APRIL 2008 !! I have to say that this is quite unbelievable, but sadly, totally true ....

Kenya opposition suspends talks, protests flare

Tue 8 Apr 2008, 11:16 GMT

NAIROBI (Reuters) - Kenya's opposition suspended talks with President Mwai Kibaki's party on Tuesday and police fired teargas to disperse opposition supporters protesting at deepening deadlock over a power-sharing cabinet.

Kibaki and his rival Raila Odinga traded blame on Monday after a disagreement over how to share ministries delayed the naming of the cabinet for the second time in two days.

"We have resolved that negotiations ... be suspended until (Kibaki's party) fully recognises the 50/50 power-sharing arrangement and the principle of portfolio balance," Anyang' Nyong'o, secretary-general of Odinga's Orange Democratic Movement, told a news conference.

The protests in Nairobi's Kibera slum were the biggest since Kibaki and Odinga reached a power-sharing deal in February to end a crisis that killed at least 1,200 people after Kibaki's disputed re-election in December.

"People are burning tyres and shouting. Police are firing teargas and also firing into the air ... I think there are over 100 protesters," said witness Justine Mokua.

TEMPERATURE RISING

The tough words from both sides have revived fears for political progress and modest economic recovery in Kenya.

"I believe the temperature is rising among Kenyans and so I pray things won't get out of control," said John Mwangi, a 50-year-old businessman in Nairobi.

Most of the disagreement centres on a handful of ministries that Odinga's ODM said Kibaki's Party of National Unity (PNU) had promised to give up.

Odinga, the country's prime minister-designate, said he was ready to discuss the cabinet again with Kibaki once there was "clarity" over the disputed ministries. Kibaki said he was ready to conclude the process at the earliest possible opportunity.

"The reason they want them is because there's money there," she said. "If there is a corruption-free government it shouldn't matter who has what. It seems everybody is bent on securing something for themselves and that's what makes us upset."

Mmmm, 'corruption' - you don't say!

.... and then this from our own Nation Media Alerts:

Message from PNU MP's to ODM: Drop conditions and resume talks, Kibaki hands not tied by current Cabinet, ready for lean Govt - or even fresh elections.

It really sounds like we are not just stepping backwards, but running at high speed !

Political Cartoon in Kenya's Daily Nation today ..

(For those of you who may be unfamiliar, the ECK is the "Electoral Commission of Kenya" who royally cocked up our own results back in December, and are currently under investigation.)

This cartoonist 'Kenny' sums it up perfectly, no other words needed ........

Turns out our Electoral process has got nothing on Zimbabwe’s…

This morning Zimbabwe goes to the polls and from Kenya, the land of successfully dodgy elections, I think we should be wishing all Zimbabweans jolly good luck.

Independent polls put the opposition in a landslide victory position but the only ‘genuine’ poll that has come out from the Zimbabwe’s government shows President Mugabe with a 57% lead.

Mmmmm, how convenient when he needs 50% to keep ruling the country.

This morning on the international news, Robert Mugabe was quoted as saying that he has “a sense of honesty”, and he would not be able to “sleep with his conscience” if he’d cheated on the elections, and why does he need to anyway seeing as the “people” are on his side!

Don’t suppose anyone’s got a spare prescription of sleeping pills they can send him?

But hey, who am I to judge his ideas on “Free and Fair Elections”. The fact that it is common knowledge that at least 50,000 dead people are on the electoral roll, those voters registered that may swing the oppositions way haven’t been told which polling station they have been registered at, television sets, generators and vehicles have been bought for various government officials in the past couple of weeks, oh, and rather a lot of people on the ‘correct side of the fence’ have had their salaries miraculously raised for the coming month. Surely none of this has anything at all to do with the voting process. Coincidence works in mysterious ways don’t you know?

Anyway just to make sure they do have a peaceful day, Mugabe has ensured that all polling stations are full of his own policemen, because heaven forbid the opposition supporters may cause any nonsense, like voting for anyone but the President himself, at least the police are in place to sort it out.

‘Independent’ observers have been brought in of course, but only from countries with which President Mugabe enjoys a spot of free trading. He’ll have none of those anti-Mugabe EU colonialist lot because they’re a totally uncontrollable bunch what with their “human rights” nonsense, and “stop starving the people who don’t vote for you” rubbish. I mean for goodness sake, why should he be feeding people who are against his regime? Let those ones fend for themselves!

I do hope he invited Kenya’s electoral commission down there for a spot of observing. I understand they are a very reliable bunch of fellows with cases of making sure the “right man” wins………

Oh, shame, sorry Mr Mugabe, we can’t help you out there, I understand we’ve got a spot of bother our end and they’re all under investigation in an international independent enquiry.

Oh well, at least there’ll be none of that twaddle for you Zimbabweans when the President wins. It’ll just be business as usual and all those colonialists and their mumbo jumbo rights concerns can get knotted.

Personally I think if I was a Zimbabwean I might just not bother getting out of bed today as chances are it’ll not be worth paying that 10 Million dollar bus fare to get yourself down the polling station.

But then again, miracles are known to have happened – even in Africa.

(Perhaps not in Kenya I may add, but still….)

So I shall sit here watching the news and wait for the official results – perhaps not with baited breath – but I shall await the results all the same, and perhaps keep my toes crossed that someone somewhere may have the audacity to help knock Robert Mugabe off his pedestal and beat him in these elections.

The 4 point peace plan according to Mr Annan

Before I start my post today will all those reading this, please place their tongues firmly in their cheeks before I begin (or you just won’t get my points, and I could get arrested!)

Well Kofi Annan did his bit of mediation yesterday with the ‘Big 6’ (3 from each sides of the opposition), and said that they had an agreed an AGENDA !

Whoopee and well done boys (and girls). That’s only taken you the best part of this week – best you take the weekend off don’t you think – Oh you will, OK then don’t mind us whilst everyone gets on with a spot of lynching, shooting, hacking, looting and burning then!

Funnily enough, that is what’s been going on for most of our Saturday in and around Western Kenya. So far I’ve heard of at least four killed and hundreds of homes burnt up in the Western areas around Eldoret and Kericho, and yet another few hundred people are now displaced.

So how exactly has Mr Annan helped us so far?

Well, it seems the agenda is a four-point plan (or a 44 point plan if you listen to the latest media reports, but I'll go with the 4),with short-term and long-term issues that need to be sorted. The short term ones are;

First is to take ‘immediate action’ to stop the violence and restore fundamental rights and liberties – these include the right to life (which is always a bit of a bonus), the freedom of the press in their reporting of events (which would be nice as perhaps less rumour mongering would be in order), and the right of assembly (which may mean we’re in for a spot more rallying which will be smashing – literally probably!)
But here’s the first catch. I never realised ‘immediate action’ would mean, well lets have the weekend and a bit of time out seeing as we worked for a whole 10 hours yesterday so we need at least 48 off for good behaviour, and we’ll return Monday after both parties have battered each other with more abuse and more innocent Kenyans are robbed and killed, and then we can settle down with a cup of coffee and get back to business.

Secondly is ‘immediate measures’ – of course you know what they mean by ‘immediate’, it’s as explained above – is to address the humanitarian crisis. Of course, those IDPs (internally displaced people for those of you new to this humanitarian speak, which I was actually before the beginning of January 2008!), can just starve a little longer whilst the Red Cross struggles with security on the roads trying their damndest to help to feed, clothe and give these people shelter. But not to worry, as we highlighted earlier, we’ll be back to the cozy boardroom in the Serena Hotel with our coffee and biscuits working on that, first thing Monday.

Thirdly on the four-point agenda is how to overcome the political crisis.

Ah, now this one could be slightly trickier seeing as Kibaki has just told the African Union conference that basically Raila can ‘get stuffed’ if he thinks he’s going to get any kind of justice with regards to the election because of course Kibaki says that he won fair and square and if Raila has an issue with that, then best he gets himself down to those law courts and have that smashing bunch of chaps that he personally appointed as judges, sort it out.

And the last agenda point concerned long term issues such as unemployment, poverty and land reforms.

The mediation team (or ‘facilitation’ team as Kibaki insists it is), have all assured us that the first three points in this agenda will be resolved between 7 and 15 days from the start of the dialogue on January 28th. So seeing as we’ve had lots of time off and now a bit of a weekend, in my book we are supposed to be looking at things being sorted starting Monday the 4th February (which already looks completely unlikely as they will only just be getting stuck back into the coffee and biccies by then back in the boardroom), and Monday 11th February.

– so perhaps they best they stop faffing about and get on with it wouldn’t you say?!?!?!

It's all going horribly, horribly wrong.

This photo I took yesterday at the camp on Juja Road in Nairobi.

Since early this morning and news of the ODM MP for Embakasi being murdered last night, things are kicking off all over Nairobi.

In Kibera slums I have a report of at least 2 killed so far, in Mathare youths are fighting, and in Umoja the market has been burnt to the ground. In Karen, an up market suburb of Nairobi, Mungiki gangs are reported to have stormed the shopping centre. The police and army personnel have been reported to be heading that way trying to quell the trouble.

Ngong road, which is the road from Karen and Ngong area into Nairobi is blocked with gangs fighting at the moment.

The story is that gangs from Kibera which are the ODM supporters have headed up Ngong Road to fight the Mungiki (which are the Kikuyu's), who are coming in from the Dagoretti and Kikuyu areas just a few kilometres north of Nairobi.

This is what I've heard mainly through word of mouth so nothing verified at this stage but incredibly worrying. Nairobi is a city of at least 14 Million people. If it gets out of hand here who on earth has the power to stop it? No-one is listening to the calls of the MP's.

Any more of this and surely they will have no choice but to declare a State of Emergency?

God, I hope not.

Someone sent me through the most horrific photos this morning I have ever seen, of people burnt alive in their houses and a mother killed with her own two year old watching. What kind of people could do this to each other. I know I keep saying this, but what on earth has happened to our country and our people?

No news as yet ....

Well parliament is in session. I have heard no shooting or tear gas throwing yet coming from town but I do understand there are more police than pedestrians on the streets so not sure that anyone will get away with too much at this stage.

A couple of rumours have come out of the slums saying there is a few troublemakers taunting police but generally we're all on a wait and see.

Will post again later with the latest once they're out!

Raila speaks to Frost, but it's OK, I have a plan!

Hey who needs Kofi Annan - when we've got David Frost doing his thing?

Frost interviewed Raila Odinga last night on the Al Jazeera English channel to "find the answers to the questions" about whether some form of power sharing "is enough for an opposition who feels cheated out of a rightful victory", and whether Raila thinks "he will be the President of Kenya by the summer"? (You can watch the whole thing above, I did - and with my shite internet connection it was no mean feat I can tell you - and there was nothing new said as far as I can tell.)

Raila seems to say that Kibaki won't talk to him and yet he is willing to talk to Kibaki. Yet Kibaki's spokesman - Alfred Mutua - says that Kibaki is willing to talk to Raila and it is Raila that won't do the talking.

We could now get yer man Frost to speak to Kibaki (and find out there's no moving there either), and then .....

My goodness boys - I think a pissing contest is most definitely in order here. I'll be the judge (or David Frost if you like as he seems to have taken his own stance to sort this all out), and whoever can piss the furthest wins, gets to be President for the next 5 years and we can all get on with our lives as usual. The travel ban can be lifted, the tourists can come back in peace, and the police will be jolly happy they can finally get out of their sweaty Ninja turtle outfits and get back on with making some cash out of people jumping red lights and doing illegal 'U' turns on the highway.

There we go .. all sorted ....

You're Welcome!

DID !

Kenya opposition plans mass rally for Wednesday
11 Jan 2008 12:14:09 GMT 11 Jan 2008 12:14:09 GMT
-->
Source: Reuters

NAIROBI, Jan 11 (Reuters) - Kenya's opposition called on Friday for police to provide security for a mass rally next Wednesday in central Nairobi to protest against President Mwai Kibaki's disputed re-election.

"We shall be holding a public meeting on Wednesday at Uhuru Park Grounds starting at 10 a.m. Due to the large number of people expected we request the police to provide us with security," said a statement signed by Orange Democratic Movement secretary general Anyang' Nyong'o.

And Kibaki's camp responds ......

Kenya govt: opposition not serious about talks
11 Jan 2008 10:47:57 GMT 11 Jan 2008 10:47:57 GMT -->
Source: Reuters

NAIROBI, Jan 11 (Reuters) - Kenya's government said on Friday that an opposition plan to restart protests against President Mwai Kibaki's disputed re-election showed their leaders were not serious about talks.

"Dialogue is not engaged in the streets," Local Government Minister Uhuru Kenyatta told reporters. "Dialogue suggests that people resolve their differences peacefully, over a table, not through destroying property and killing innocent Kenyans."


It's just like a childrens fight in the playground.
"No, I didn't"
"Yes, you did".
"No, I didn't."
"You did."
"Didn't."
"Did."
"DIDN"T !"
........... For goodness sake someone bang their heads together!

(It's Ok there's nothing like soical services here so i won't be done for saying that! - Er, Well I hope not anyway...............)

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO .............

News just in ...

..............................................................................................

Kenya opposition to resume nationwide protests
11 Jan 2008 08:46:44 GMT 11 Jan 2008 08:46:44 GMT
-->
Source: Reuters

NAIROBI, Jan 11 (Reuters) - Kenya's opposition said on Friday it planned to restart protests across the east African nation against President Mwai Kibaki's disputed re-election after the failure of African Union mediation.

Opposition leaders will hold an afternoon news conference "to announce the immediate resumption of nationwide mass action against the irregular presidential results," Orange Democratic Movement (ODM) spokesman Tony Gachoka said.

....................................................................................................................

Is this really the way forward for us after a death toll of somewhere between 500 and maybe even up to 1000 people dead because of the recent protests?

I'll keep you updated as we hear more.

Recap of the day

I have since found out, since I posted earlier, that there was an attempt of a demonstration this afternoon in Nairobi but it just involved a few people and 3 or 4 MP’s. They got out of their big 4x4’s and tried to walk across from the Nairobi Serena Hotel (opposite the Uhuru Park). They were stopped at the entrance of the park and when they wouldn’t leave by the request of the police, there was a canister of tear gas fired and that was that it seems.

In Mombasa, they weren’t so lucky and there was some trouble in the city centre where some people were also trying to demonstrate. Some shops were smashed up and looted. It seems in Mombasa town temperatures are much higher between the tribal groups and I think this stems from the extreme tribal violence in the ‘Likoni Clashes’ that left many dead back in 1997. It seems there's some kind of revenge mission going on down there between the tribes, the stories and threats between the different tribes are horrific.

Both in Nairobi and Mombasa the opposition have vowed they will try and demonstrate again tomorrow against the continuous pleas of the police not to.

We can only hope that Desmond Tutu is really getting somewhere with regards to getting the two sides to talk, but it seems that each side has conditions that I’m not convinced at this stage, the others are willing to meet.

We’ve had ‘Let’s recount the votes’
…. The president has not dismissed this one,
but then we get, ‘No’ from ODM, ‘Bad Plan, chances are there’ll be more changed than there were the first time!’.
Then we had ‘Let’s have a coalition government’
…… ‘No, We won’t agree’ says ODM, 'as we want to be in charge.'
Then its ‘Kibaki must resign before we speak’
…….. ‘No, I am the President’ is of course is Kibaki’s answer to that one.

At this rate I’m not entirely convinced we’re getting very far, very fast, but any kind of talking, even it’s just ‘No, No, No’, surely is better than no talking at all.

Meanwhile, I understand that Sunday has been declared a day for fasting and praying for peace by all the various church leaders here.

I do think anything’s worth a shot at this stage and if a day of prayer is the best we can do, well then I’m all for it.

‘Let’s Pray for Peace!’

Cleavage

Well as anyone who has any access to any form of international news right now will know, we are having a spot of bother our end after the announcement of the Presidential results yesterday and the immediate refusal of the opposition to agree with the decision due to accusations of rigging. The police are shooting anyone on site who looks like they are causing trouble and latest figures quoted show at least 125 dead, (and I’m sure that’s a very low estimate and it’s probably a lot more by now).

This morning a few shops opened and a couple of petrol stations and everyone rushed in and was panic buying fuel, food and other necessities before they shot back to the safety of their homes. Basically it is like living in a ‘State of Emergency’ and we are all catching cabin fever after being holed up in our homes waiting to see what happens next really and it’s all getting a little tedious.

So I thought I’d cheer myself up in blogsville and completely change the subject, and the subject is …. much to most men’s approval I’m sure … Cleavage!

Now here’s the thing, I’m not generally one to wear girlie clothes and tight tops and suchlike and not usually my thing. However once a year at Christmas I generally don a bit of a skirt and top (not necessarily tight I might add!) for the one day of the year.

Well, I really wouldn’t have said that I had on anything half as revealing as most of my mates wear on an everyday basis, but it seemed it was such a shock to everyone who knows me (as usually I look like something out of convent school obviously), that I got some very strange reactions.

It was quite an interesting experience, all the men I met on Christmas day had a direct conversation with my boobs – totally forgetting that perhaps they won’t actually talk back and it is in fact my face that speaks, but funnily enough it didn’t seem to bother them at all – the men that is – not my boobs!

All the women I came across had a stranger reaction – again speaking generally to the boobs but meanwhile rearranging their own.

I couldn’t really work out if this was a jealously thing, that they were worried that their cleavage wasn’t looking as large and therefore needed to be constantly rearranged to see if they could perhaps get a little more lift out of it, or it was the fact mine was perhaps hanging out a little too far and they were just checking theirs wasn’t too!

It was really quite an unsettling day can I say and I’d just like to know from the couple of you who read this drivel what your opinions are ……

Now I found this picture on the web and it is not dissimilar to what I probably had on display for Christmas – if you had the right angle – although perhaps I don’t think mine were quite as squashed together or as large or as uncovered either – but this is the cleavage up for discussion here, (as I don’t dare show the real thing for fear of chasing away the few regular readers in horror!)

Now would you have a conversation with the boobs or would you think – ‘Wonder what the face looks like?’ or ‘Who cares about the face and what it has to say for itself I’ll just have a long conversation with these babies’ or perhaps you’re the really decent type and would of course immediately think, ‘Gosh, what a pretty necklace she’s wearing!’ ??

And, if you’re a girl, will you, on seeing this spot of cleavage staring at you, start rearranging your top or is that a strange phenomenon with women about these parts?

..... And while you ponder a while on this cleavage, can I just wish you all a very happy and peaceful 2008!

Breaking News: Kibaki Wins

ECK official results have just broken as follows;

Kibaki 4,584,721
Raila 4,352.993

Raila will be very quick to dispute this I'm sure.

I have already heard one gunshot so far round here so we need to most definitely stay indoors and wait to see what happens next.

We are holding our breath.

Things are Very Very Quiet

It is very eerie and very quiet in our parts. The TV channels are all showing the usual Sunday religious programmes, all the radio stations seem to have music only with no presenters present, all the shopping centres seem not to have opened and are keeping their gates padlocked and guarded.

We have absolutely no news since last night about who is or isn't our president. It's really very odd. People don't really seem to know what to do with themselves and are holed up in their houses as if there had been a coup.

All I can say is I hope they announce this result soon so that we can get on with our lives one way or the other.

latest

ECK PUTS off presidential results to tomorrow, to review all 210 returns. CORRECTION ON: PREVIOUS alert (Raila 4.5m Kibaki 4.2m) wrongly computed.
Actual is 3.8m each with Raila 38,002 votes ahead of Kibaki with 19 constituencies outstanding.
Of the outstanding counts so far at least one is to be repolled and another came in with more votes than voters which was interesting!

Chaos at Dagoretti Corner

I have just come back from town and driving through Dagoretti Corner there are about 50 thugs with very large (brand new funnily enough) thick poles about 5 feet long and 2 inches in diameter running about threatening people and vehicles.

There is evidence of burning on the road and the small kiosks are all suddenly deserted. We drove through very fast and I took this picture on my phone. Basically all those guys on the left of this picture are armed and willing to hit anyone and anything in their way.

Journalists are reporting total chaos in Kisumu and also in the Kibera and Mathere slums in Nairobi.

Latest results from 189 constituencies now show Raila having 4,356,092 votes and Kibaki with 4,009,300 so still too tight to call as depending on which districts haven't yet come in, it could most definitely still go either way but the ODM (Raila) supporters are calling for Kibaki to concede although the results are still not finalised.

Things are thick.

Think I perhaps spoke a little too soon ....

Trouble has broken out in the centre of Nairobi, amongst other places, and according to the army officers stopping all the cars going into town searching for weapons, they are warning people to stay away as cars are being burnt and stones thrown.

On one of the main roads leading into the city centre people are fighting on the street and shots have been fired although there is no news on any injuries at this time, just general tension and panic.

Driving in myself this morning there were small groups of people all the way along the roads and there is serious tension in the air.

The rumours are that people are upset that the results are taking too long, they want to know why the parliamentary and civic results are being released but the presidential ones are not and yet they were all counted at the same time.

Further rumours are suggesting that they will swear in the new president in secret by 1pm today and then release the result - but personally I think this really is just talk and just that - a rumour.

Latest results just issued (at 12pm) from 159 constituencies counted;

Raila 3,726,247

Kibaki 3,416,139

Kalonzo 346,214