Just arrived in my inbox ........

From john charles

I am writing to seek your partnership in the investment of my inheritance fund USD $6.5M from my late father who died mysteriously on 12 july 2006.

I will like to further introduce myself to you. My name is Mr john charles, I am a 20 years old boy, the only child and son of my late parents Mr and Mrs Toure charles.

It was very evident that he was poisoned to death. I lost my mother when I was barely a year old and my father refused to re-marry another wife because he felt solely responsible for my mother's death. This is so because he concentrated much on his businesses that he rarely pays attention to domestic affairs.

He was always travelling taking care of his businesses that he did not notice when my mother took ill. He thought it was a minor illness and was ignorant of this. My mother on her own resorted to self-medication.

It was not until the illness degenerated that my father took my mother to hospital where she was diagnosed to find out that hypatitis had eaten deep into her blood stream. She didn't last long before she died. This happened when I was barely a year old. Based on this, my father could not forgive himself easily because of it and said he was responsible for her death as he could have saved her if only he had paid attention to the things at home rather than concentrating much on his businesses.

Despite all entreaties by friends and relatives, he refused to remarry but ensured that I had everything that I wanted. It was as a result of this that he made me the next of kin to his fund deposit with the bank here in my country, I should have a direct access to the fund,only when I am 28 years of age otherwise, I should have a guardian/partner intercede on my behalf for the release of the fund to me. Unfortunately, he died on 12 july 2006 and I am 20 years of age currently.

This is why I have contacted you to serve as a guardian to me and as my foreign partner for the investment of my inheritance fund overseas My uncles does not know about the funds because they had already taken my father's houses and other properties and they are looking for a way to kill me. They have requested to have my father's file where all the documents that proof the existence of my inheritance fund in the bank where kept but I simply told them that I do not know where he kept them.

Talk to you the more.
John charles



There you go - word for word, the usual junk that I receive daily - (such the popular chick that I am). Todays seems to have a little more imagination than most that come through so thought I should share this one with you all.

And what do you think of it for a bit of scandal so early in the morning??
I'm thinking perhaps this chap should get a part in a James Bond movie - sounds like the perfect plot don't you think, and for me to be picked out as his guardian and get a share in all this - "Gosh, how honored am I?" ......... Er .......

In fact anyone keen on helping the chap out could probably get in touch with him direct. Think his return email was;
pleasecaniripyouoff@whatasucker.com


What I still don't get though is how do these weirdos get hold of my email address, and also why haven't Kenyans thought up something similar ? We're usually excellent at finding the most ingenious ways to rip people off and yet these scams seem to be all coming from foreign web worlds ?

Or perhaps it's just that my email address has got it's little self into the wrong hemisphere and I am missing out on the emails that are asking for donations for Obama's granny to go on a small round the world cruise on her way to his inauguration ceremony as the President of the US of the A's??

Perhaps I shall start my own .......

I mean, did you not know I was the illegitimate daughter of our (EX) Finance Minister Mr Kimunya's, childhood sweetheart, and that I too have a small 5Million Dollar fund with my name on it standing by at the Central Bank of which I need to get my hands on through a third party, so that Mr Marende (the house speaker in Parliament) doesn't find out and try to poison me when I'm having my next 3 course lunch at The Grand Regency hotel with my "Unco Amos" !!

True ............. or False ??

First, a question ??
How many emails would you say on average you receive in a day that are total crap - and by 'crap' I do mean the ones from 'unknown' senders or those with spectacular names such as godimfullacrap@yabloodyhoo.com and such like ?? (Not those ones that we receive from the boss that really should be filed under the same heading - but sadly you have to actually carry out their wishes first - that is of course if you want to get paid, and seeing as today is the 30th July - best do whatever he says today for tomorrow your paycheck may go missing!)

Anyway as for the random 'crap' messages that you get. Let's take the average week's company email. We start with at least 3 a day 'wishing to be friends' - not that some of them can even spell the word however but still, it seems they have been waiting for this moment all their lives and your email conveniently appeared (as a vision no doubt), and now this is 'karma' that you must now become live long buddies......... Yea, right.

If you're lucky (as I am at least 5 times a week let me tell you - it's OK, you can leave the fan mail / god I'm jealous mail in the comment box once I've finished posting this), .... where was I? .. Oh yes, now if you're lucky not only will these smashing people wish to be friends but lots of them will want to send hundreds of thousands of dollars to your bank account as they've nicked it from somewhere (perfectly above board you understand), and now wish to give half of it to you for just being their new 'friend' and conveniently giving out your entire life history so they can in turn rip you off!!

Then of course, there's always a ton of those emails with smashing offers such as; offering generous libido enhancing drugs; enlarge your penis in 10 minutes; and loose 35kg of your body mass in one breath!

And then finally when you sift out all that crap (and the bosses email of course - star that one just in case you delete it by mistake whilst you're too busy catching up with your mates on Facebook), then we are left with my favourite ones, and that is all the scandals, hoaxes and jokes that come through on a daily basis.

Those are the only ones worth reading - they show how much time half this world has on their hands. Like the one I received yesterday on Jamie Oliver's *new* cookbook - that is of course, er, NOT ! But it's fun reading don't you think? And don't joke, it has 120 odd pages - all with lovely piccies of the delicious meals you may poison yourselves with. I mean, who has the time to write all that??

Mshairi left a comment on that post directing us to a website where you can go and check out the real vs. the unreal. It's called snopes and is really quite enlightening! It is also though, in some ways, incredibly disappointing. I so wanted that mobile phones cooking the popcorn and boiling an egg thing to be true. I carry two mobiles around with me at all times just in case I get stuck somewhere in the middle of nowhere with no power and a raw egg, and now it looks like I shall have to think again on my 'survival pack' as apparently *in the real world* 100 mobile phones sitting on top of an egg for one hour didn't even warm the damn thing up!

But at least now I am full of crap myself and can do lots of "Did you know .....?"


I have useful information on board now such as;
Coca Cola did not invent Santa Claus, (can you bloody believe it!)
Coca Cola is not an effective spermicide, (so stop chucking all that fizz about!)
BUT, BUT, BUT,
Coca Cola DID once contain cocaine and did not become completely cocaine free until 1929.
(Can I say that explains a lot as to why my Granny was such a diva until the age of 89! She had a good 30 years of drinking that stuff !!)

Anyway this all got me thinking that I should set up my own "true or false" site with regards to politics in Kenya. But then of course I realised that sadly ALL of the most ridiculous and unbelievable things that happen amongst our Members of Parliament and the like, are totally TRUE, and how depressing would that be having an entire website dedicated to our disasters that they call "Politics in Kenya"??

I think I shall ditch the idea and save the Samaritans a bunch of depressed Kenyan's phone calls as they are all about to launch themselves off their fridge freezer as life will be too dismal to continue with. I also don't want The Samaritan call centre in India to get too excited when a bunch of truck driving Kenyans start calling up .......

Depressed Kenyan (DP): "Is that The Samaritans?"
The Samaritan Hotline redirected to Calcutta (SH): "Most certainly, and how can I help you?"
DP: "Life is tooo depressing with our politicians stealing all our cash, I just can't go on.
I am thinking of killing myself. What should I do?"
SH: "I'm very sorry to hear that. However, I don't suppose you could help us out and drive a truck?"