Monday, July 7, 2008

Perhaps I should get out more ….

As you may have gathered, I do rather like a bit of a chat, and do find it extremely difficult to keep my mouth on hold. It seems that even when I have no-one to talk to, I never let it slow me down!

Yesterday I went to do my weekly shopping and instead of sticking to the usual supermarket that I always go to and where I know exactly where everything is situated, my son wanted to try out some new play centre that’s been put in at another shopping centre from our usual, so I was left with my customary weekly list as long as your arm, braving aisles that I hadn’t a clue what was down them.

Well, I don’t know about you lot, but surely I’m NOT the only one who likes a spot of conversation with the stock in the aisles? But can I tell you, I got some very strange looks wherever I went.

Perhaps it was because I was so disorientated as to where everything was in the shop that I chatted more that usual to the inanimate objects on the shelves. I mean how else are you supposed to find the disinfectant if you can’t ask the bleach???? In my concerted opinion of shelf-stacking (which I know absolutely nothing about!), surely the bleach should hang out somewhere near the disinfectant as I would have said they were related. Turns out in this store, the bleach hangs out with the kitchen roll and the disinfectant is opposite the fabric softener – now please people get a grip, how does that make any logical sense.

I think I’ll start a supermarket “arrange your aisles logically” course. I will of course make a damn fortune, but I’ll give you all a heads up on my ideas, and before I get marketing and make myself a millionaire and ditch you lot, first of all I shall take full advantage.

Now, what do you think of this;

Milk, (and other such milky things including butter and yoghurt), onto eggs, then bread, jams and honey (so breakfast is over with), then moving swiftly onto veg, meats, followed by tinned stuff. Oops forgot cereals. They better hang back in the egg aisle. Moving on… where was I? … ah yes, canned goodies, then accompaniments such as sauces, etc. then we can have biscuits & snacks followed by pasta, sugar, flour, rice, and baking sort of stuff. Keeping smelly stuff away from foodstuffs is always good (not like in the supermarket I went into yesterday where bleach is actually on the corner with rice on the other side. Mmmmm!) So we should move onto tissues, toilet rolls, kitchen towels, cloths, etc. then we can have cleaning stuff (INCLUDING disinfectant), and at the end is the toiletries and hair pieces – we always have a full aisle of hair pieces in all our supermarkets!!

TA DA ….

So what do you think?

I was even thinking that I could move upstairs to have the wheelbarrows next to the welly boots (which seems bloody sensible to me, because yesterday I found them after the toy section and opposite all the fitness equipment!) AND, AND, I would even suggest labeling the shelves with the various sizes available so that I didn’t have to strike up a separate conversation with every shelf of the welly boot aisle asking them what size they may be, as the only place you can find out this information is picking up the blighters and checking on the sole. (As you can imagine, it can get quite tedious when the size 6’s are parked next to the size 11’s – especially when you’re looking for size8!)

Anyway after all that stress of the supermarket, and the people in it who kept leaping out of my path as if I had some contagious disease, the highlight of my day was a brilliant slanging match with all the chaps on my TV set yesterday during the most awesome Wimbledon final in history.

Mind you, I admit, I was home alone, and the dogs are used to me screaming at inanimate objects, so they didn’t even twitch a whisker between them.

However, I’d like to put a challenge out there to everyone who watched that final last night between Nadal and Federer that absolutely every single one of you spoke to your TV set more than once – even if it was only to go “AAAHHHHH” or “OOOOOOOOHHHHHH” at the amazing shots played and not to slag off the commentators or shout at Federer to get his finger out!

You see, I am not so mad after all. You’re all at it – chatting away to inert objects.

So why am I the only one who gets the strange reactions when I strike up a bit of banter with the things on the shelves in the supermarket??


belle said...

I have some of my best conversations with inanimate objects ... just ask the Captian ;) And as for the tennis, oh wow! Wasn't it just?!

Dad Mzungu said...

You mean that the things on shelves in supermarkets are inanimate - and don't answer back?
You've got me worried now. If it is not the goods replying, where do those voices come from?
As for the TV, I was screaming advice to Lewis Hamilton during the Britich GP. He obviously heard me as he won.

nuttycow said...

Alright alright, you got me. i was yelling at the TV too. *blush*

I was a little worse for wine at that point though!

Dad Mzungu said...

I want to take issue with Nuttycow. I am sorry, no one can EVER be a little worse for wine.
A little better, a lot better, butnever, never, a little worse.