Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas Cake Recipe


- for those of you who can't remember last year's cake recipe.

Ingredients:

* 2 cups flour
* 1 stick butter
* 1 cup of water
* 1 tsp baking soda
* 1 cup of sugar
* 1 tsp salt
* 1 cup of brown sugar
* Lemon juice
* 4 large eggs
* Nuts
* 2 bottle wine
* 2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to check quality.

Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor.
Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the wine to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Check the wine.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat.
Take a taxi to Nakumatt and buy cake.

Bingle Jells



Monday, December 31, 2007

Cleavage

Well as anyone who has any access to any form of international news right now will know, we are having a spot of bother our end after the announcement of the Presidential results yesterday and the immediate refusal of the opposition to agree with the decision due to accusations of rigging. The police are shooting anyone on site who looks like they are causing trouble and latest figures quoted show at least 125 dead, (and I’m sure that’s a very low estimate and it’s probably a lot more by now).

This morning a few shops opened and a couple of petrol stations and everyone rushed in and was panic buying fuel, food and other necessities before they shot back to the safety of their homes. Basically it is like living in a ‘State of Emergency’ and we are all catching cabin fever after being holed up in our homes waiting to see what happens next really and it’s all getting a little tedious.

So I thought I’d cheer myself up in blogsville and completely change the subject, and the subject is …. much to most men’s approval I’m sure … Cleavage!

Now here’s the thing, I’m not generally one to wear girlie clothes and tight tops and suchlike and not usually my thing. However once a year at Christmas I generally don a bit of a skirt and top (not necessarily tight I might add!) for the one day of the year.

Well, I really wouldn’t have said that I had on anything half as revealing as most of my mates wear on an everyday basis, but it seemed it was such a shock to everyone who knows me (as usually I look like something out of convent school obviously), that I got some very strange reactions.

It was quite an interesting experience, all the men I met on Christmas day had a direct conversation with my boobs – totally forgetting that perhaps they won’t actually talk back and it is in fact my face that speaks, but funnily enough it didn’t seem to bother them at all – the men that is – not my boobs!

All the women I came across had a stranger reaction – again speaking generally to the boobs but meanwhile rearranging their own.

I couldn’t really work out if this was a jealously thing, that they were worried that their cleavage wasn’t looking as large and therefore needed to be constantly rearranged to see if they could perhaps get a little more lift out of it, or it was the fact mine was perhaps hanging out a little too far and they were just checking theirs wasn’t too!

It was really quite an unsettling day can I say and I’d just like to know from the couple of you who read this drivel what your opinions are ……




Now I found this picture on the web and it is not dissimilar to what I probably had on display for Christmas – if you had the right angle – although perhaps I don’t think mine were quite as squashed together or as large or as uncovered either – but this is the cleavage up for discussion here, (as I don’t dare show the real thing for fear of chasing away the few regular readers in horror!)

Now would you have a conversation with the boobs or would you think – ‘Wonder what the face looks like?’ or ‘Who cares about the face and what it has to say for itself I’ll just have a long conversation with these babies’ or perhaps you’re the really decent type and would of course immediately think, ‘Gosh, what a pretty necklace she’s wearing!’ ??

And, if you’re a girl, will you, on seeing this spot of cleavage staring at you, start rearranging your top or is that a strange phenomenon with women about these parts?

..... And while you ponder a while on this cleavage, can I just wish you all a very happy and peaceful 2008!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Electioneering and Corruption ....

Now I’ve got a bit of ‘food for thought’ for all you chaps and chapesses out there.

To give you a bit of background – we have 3 main contenders vying for the Presidency of Kenya right now. There’s Mwai Kibaki – current president – political party PNU, whose slogan is “Kazi Iendelee”, which basically means “The work continues”. Then we have Raila Odinga – political party ODM (Orange Democratic Movement) whose slogan is “Raila Tosha”, which basically translates as ‘Raila, That’s it’ or ‘Raila is enough’, and whose party is symbolised by one orange. He’s a fellow who used to be in the same party as Kibaki and played a very significant part in getting Kibaki elected 5 years ago but got himself fired from government a while back for going against the president in some issue or other. Then finally we have Kalonzo Musyoka – a very well educated, well spoken fellow who used to be in the same party as Raila but they parted company when they couldn’t agree on who should vie for the top job so he’s now the ODM Kenya party symbolised by one and a half oranges and hasn’t got much hope of getting in as according to the polls, his rating stands somewhere round the 10% mark so he’s not really being counted by the masses as much of a contender.

We’ve got serious campaigning going down with the run up to elections on the 27th December and in our “honest” see through electioneering that we have around here, basically there is a lot of cash changing hands.

You can get paid as part of ‘rent a crowd’ at any campaign rally, which is great for all those out of work slum dwellers who generally have nothing to their name – they rush from rally to rally picking up cash and a new wardrobe of whichever party nominees t-shirt they may be handing out, plus a bunch of posters they can use as wallpaper in their shacks – so it’s quite a worthwhile job really, (although sadly after the 27th it won’t last, and the rich will keep their money, and the poor will continue to be incredibly poor.)

The other way of making yourself some money is to turn up on election day for a bit of a vote where they will be loads of goons hanging around every polling station, handing out money to get you to vote for their party.

Talking to a bunch of people today – not your wealthy ‘drive cars and live in nice houses’ types but general ‘wanainchi’ – which are your everyday fellows – bit of a job, (if they’re lucky), probably a room goes with it and they earn around 8 to 10 thousand shillings a month – which is somewhere between 70 to 90 Euros. Anyway I wanted to know the general opinion with regards to how they think the election may go as according to the pollsters it's a very tight race between the top two. Turns out most of them are on Raila’s side as they think he’s the ‘Robin Hood’ type and will be the best for all those on the poverty line (and very much below it). There’s a few that say they would rather Kibaki keeps going for another 5 years and continues with whatever work he has started, because no matter how much we wish to complain about the current president, there is no doubt that he has done quite a lot of good for this country – he could have done a hell of a lot more that’s for sure, but at least he has made some few beneficial changes.

The argument between the two (as Kalonzo seems not to feature in their books), is that Kibaki is a Kikuyu and being the largest tribe in Kenya is seen as holding all the money for himself and his fellow Kikuyu’s and for that reason is creating tribalism. Raila, on the other hand, has been rushing round making friends with all the different tribes (and seeing as we have 52 different tribes in this country, it is probably a very wise strategy) and he has already slotted a few of them into his clique – known as the ‘Pentagon’ and is promising to install them all into prominent parliamentary positions.

I can understand how this distinction has come about between the two of them, but I’m not sure that it’s entirely true and here’s the dilemma …….

A lot of the fellows I spoke to say they are god fearing Christians and for that reason they will not take the cash to vote for someone that they have no wish to have in parliament.

But what I say is ‘Why not take the cash – see it as a Christmas gift – then go and vote for whoever you believe in.’
– Is that wrong when you have nothing and people are willing to hand over bank notes even though they cannot follow you into the polling booth and see who you really stick your cross by? Would you still call that corruption or just a case of taking from the rich if they’re so intent on handing it out anyway??

Now, there’s some food for thought wouldn’t you say!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

There’s been a fab fest of strange stories in the news over the last couple of days and I thought I’d post a couple of my faves to share;

Starting off with a classic in Singapore where a national service man sashayed into a lift early one morning clad in only a pink bikini.

(Sorry - couldn't find a picture of the bloke but thought you'd appreciate this one of Danielle Lloyd a lot more anyhow!)

He was fined S$11,000 and put in jail for the day. Of the charges he admitted to included “outraging the modesty of the woman who shared the lift with him”!
- Personally, I’d appeal that one as obviously just because the woman has a complex about the fact that the fellow looked hotter than she ever could wearing that pink bikini – surely should be no reason for such a hefty fine!

The best part of the story is the summing up;
“In mitigation, Tan Wen Zhong’s lawyer said ‘his client has been badly affected by his parents divorce during his formative years’”!!

- Totally with you there honey – I mean what else would make you want to rush round town dressed in a pink bikini? I mean my parents divorced when I was young and that must totally explain my constant urge to charge round town wearing only a pair of Snoopy boxer shorts ….. Damn, what on earth was I thinking wasting all that money on therapy!!


…….. then I came across;

“Do Goats Make Great Gifts?”
- which surely can only by summed up in one line ……..
“Depends if you’re the goat!”

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Hot Tips for 'Sensible Drinking at Christmas'

My medical insurance company has just sent me through an email with some top advice on 'Sensible drinking at Christmas' - apart from the usual 8 to 10 glasses of water per day of course!

Now, I'm really sorry but, although i realise that i do live in the back end of nowhere when it comes to health care, i pay a lot of bloody money for that medical insurance and i wish to make the most of that by hopefully having myself evacuated off for a fine holiday in South Africa or the UK - all because i got a little drunk and tripped over the dog, so you can be damn sure I'll be doing nothing sensible this Christmas, and I'll not be reading that !

....... the little voice in my head of course got the better of me, nagging with the;

"MC, how can you be so insensitive to the efforts of some poor struggling young doctor who's being paid wad loads of cash writing these articles on the bloody obvious in order to benefit your health!"

……… so I read on and realised with much delight that some of the advice was really quite excellent, so I thought I'd share and ease my conscience for my little outburst earlier dissing my insurance company .....
(I have of course added my own explanations in and am now quite happy with these sensible drinking rules)


EASY WAYS TO LIMIT YOUR DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS PARTIES

  • Eat before you go out, so you are not drinking on an empty stomach
    (This of course means you can drink a damn site more before your legs give way)
  • Set yourself a limit for each occasion - and stick to it
    (Now if that's going to be 2 bottles of wine - or perhaps 3 if you think it might be a long one - make sure you get it all down your neck before you even think about going home)
  • Skip the ‘quick drink’ at lunchtime or after work
    (Make sure you get loads of chums together and make it an exceptionally long lunch so you can get a few extra down before wobbling back to the office)
  • Learn how to say No and avoid pressure if you don’t want a drink
    (If of course, you have absolutely no intention of saying the word and would absolutely love a drink, “Help yourself, and the extra large glasses are above the fridge!”)

    Cheers!

Monday, December 3, 2007

Thieves party on .............

Just picked this up from Reuters - and reckon that these Aussies should get in touch with the thieves who walked off with the guiness in Ireland as between them they could most definitely have a serious Paaaaaaaaarty!


Thieves say Merry Xmas and take the ham
Mon 3 Dec 2007, 6:13 GMT

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Cheeky Australian thieves stole 16 tonnes of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse and then wrote "Thanks, Merry Christmas" on a wall, police said on Monday.
The thieves cut through a wall of the warehouse between Saturday and Sunday and stole up to A$100,000 (43,000 pounds) worth of meat.

"Officers located a message on the wall of the building, reading, 'Thanks, Merry Christmas'," said a police statement.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Serious Christmas Shopping !

Someone's definitely way up on me with his Christmas shopping, and damn fine idea in principle I thought .... Check this out .......


Thief makes off with 180 Guinness kegs

DUBLIN (Reuters) - A thief made off with 180 kegs of Guinness beer after smoothly driving into the Dublin brewery which makes the black stout and snatching a trailer load of drink, police said on Thursday.
The incident took place on Wednesday at the Guinness brewery on the banks of Dublin's River Liffey where Ireland's trademark tipple has been brewed for almost 250 years.
The lone raider's haul also contained 180 kegs of Budweiser and 90 barrels of Carlsberg lager, police said.



"A man drove into the yard in a truck and took a trailer containing the drink which has an estimated value of 64,000 euros (46.000 pounds)," a police spokesman said.
(Reporting by Jonathan Saul)
© Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Christmas shopping online

I’ve been looking through online shopping sites (– as you do of course when you’re at work and it is nearly December!! – I mean what else is that company paid for 24hour internet connection in aid of I ask you?)

Anyway, as I was saying, - I’ve been shopping and its absolutely fab – I’ve seen gorgeous things for me – lots of them and I want them all - although I really can’t afford them and sadly won’t be finding anyone else who could perhaps be persuaded to buy them for me – but no matter I’m actually supposed to be shopping for my son…….

No, better rephrase that – seeing as I’m at work
– I’m not of course supposed to be shopping for anyone –

but I was browsing interesting work related things and ……

“Oops look I happened to drop into the Amazon site”

– “Goodness me, now how did that happen??”

“Oh, well, now that I’m here – best make the most of it don’t you think?”

SO here I am doing a spot of Amazon shopping and I’m looking for a Playstation game that my son’s been going on about so I type in ‘BIONICLE PLAYSTATION’ into the ‘SEARCH’
…. And what pops up……………

Your search "bionicle playstation" did not match any products.
However, Amazon recommends….



Well how fab is that? – Some little robot that programmed the search engine must have a superb sense of humour.
Actually I was so impressed I decided that I really should own this book so I hit “BUY IT”, and of course then you get the ‘Perfect Partner’ recommendation which was even more impressive…

Well that’s it – I’m sold!!
Have added both to my ‘Wish List’ which of course I will then buy for myself!!

Oh damn – wasn’t I supposed to be small boy shopping?

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Yippee, Christmas is coming!

Apparently we really do live in the third world.

I’d never heard of Neiman Marcus – the outrageous present shopping site until I heard of them on a business segment of the CNN news the other day when they were talking of the new Christmas Catalogue that has been launched.

Well, I had no idea what fab things you could buy online (if only you have tons of cash and a little brain that would make you waste wads of cash, and if you are that person and are reading this – please give me a call and I could give you a million and one ideas on how better to give away your money. We have millions starving in this part of the world that for less than a dollar a day can be fed, clothed and housed. - Think about it!!) - but I digress ….. a lot!
Sorry, back to the point.

I was awfully excited to see that you can spend $75,000 on a robot that will talk to you (- it doesn’t tell you what it says though! Perhaps it gives worldly advice on where next to park your cash, or perhaps it gives out stocks and share advice – or perhaps it was programmed by a normal person and only says “Stop wasting your money, you flash git!!”)

Not only that, but at a snip, for $73,000 you can get yourself a diamond encrusted cell-phone (-that of course is highly likely to get nicked at any given moment in this, our smashing home town of Nai-robbery – whoops sorry – Nairobi, and then sold in some shady deal to some fellow downtown for about ten bucks – as it’s too bling to fetch more. And what they’d do when they pressed the button and got the 24 hour global concierge service could be an extremely amusing tale … I wonder if they have a ‘Jaluo’ service?)

And if you’ve got a cool $1.59Million to blow and 499 friends (which I sadly wouldn’t be able to rustle up – just call me ‘Norma’ – Norma No Mates!) – you can get yourself a private concert with Russia’s Kirov Orchestra and ‘for good measure’, the Steinway concert grand stays behind! - Gosh, they really are too kind!

It’s brilliant. I wonder if they have a service where you can list all the items you’d like gifted to you for Christmas, send a letter up to the North Pole, and Father Christmas could kindly drop down your chimney and leave them all nicely packaged under your Christmas tree in return for a glass of milk and a carrot for Rudolph?