Inadequacy, Mothers and Smoking!

Today i got invited to a friends for a casual supper. I'd said yes as i didn't really think about who would be there and just thought it'd be a bunch of kids and a few girls and it sounded like fun. i later found out that my friend from Uganda who i haven't seen for about 2 years - had company as they had all come en mass for the horse show this weekend and it turned out the 'company' was in the form of a girl who i knew in Uganda and was always so loud and brash and always seem to do her best to make me feel 2 inches tall and quite inadequate. - this was summed up really when i left Uganda and my husband and overnight she and he became the best of friends! - so i chickened out of the evening and bailed on supper! What i don't really know is how someone i hardly know can make me feel so pathetic! - I suppose that's insecurity for you! Also what i wasn't really sure of - is do i tell my friends why i bailed and hope they understand - or will they just feel sorry for me and I'll make myself into someone even more pathetic than i probably already am?

Had a great chat with a couple of girls this afternoon - you know one of those great 2 hour gossips where you put the world to right and discuss everything and anything that comes into your head? - Chick bonding i presume!?!

We got talking about our mothers and how - funnily enough - all 3 of us don't get on particularly well with our own! This led to us talking about how we hoped that none of our children would turn out like us and dislike their mothers quite so much! We hoped that we had learnt from our own relationships and wouldn't hopefully repeat their mistakes, but hey - who knows what tomorrow holds - but i do hope to god we all get it right!

One of the girls remembers her mother not taking any interest in anything she did or any game she wanted to or did play. As a consequence she has driven her eldest son 12 hours across the most god awful roads in order to let him take part in 2 weeks of full on horses. A polo clinic for 4 days followed by a 3 day horse show promptly followed by a week of pony club camp!! The other girl remembers her mother always putting her down when she tried to dress up in anything more appealing than a grotty t-shirt and a pair of jeans, so as a consequence, spends hours with her daughter buying her great clothes and dressing her up and making her look gorgeous. On my part, i remember never getting so much as a hug from my mother and i certainly never remember her ever utter the words "I love you", so of course i give my son loads of hugs and kisses at every opportunity and tell him i love him loads!

I do hope we all don't end up over doing it and bringing up a bunch of spoiled brats but a bunch of children who really feel wanted and cared for and most of all - love their mothers always!!

By the by, the government banned smoking today in all public places including the streets! No warning, no grand announcement - just a small column in the corner on the front page of the papers overshadowed by all the political wranglings that are taking over our lives for the next 6 months until we hold an election. Anyway it totally explains why the paper boy at the crossroads this morning launched himself on my bonnet with the papers thrust in the windscreen as i tried to run him over and thrust my cigarette out the window!! - Bless him - he was just trying to save me a 2,000 shilling fine!