Saturday, March 29, 2008

Turns out our Electoral process has got nothing on Zimbabwe’s…

This morning Zimbabwe goes to the polls and from Kenya, the land of successfully dodgy elections, I think we should be wishing all Zimbabweans jolly good luck.

Independent polls put the opposition in a landslide victory position but the only ‘genuine’ poll that has come out from the Zimbabwe’s government shows President Mugabe with a 57% lead.

Mmmmm, how convenient when he needs 50% to keep ruling the country.

This morning on the international news, Robert Mugabe was quoted as saying that he has “a sense of honesty”, and he would not be able to “sleep with his conscience” if he’d cheated on the elections, and why does he need to anyway seeing as the “people” are on his side!

Don’t suppose anyone’s got a spare prescription of sleeping pills they can send him?

But hey, who am I to judge his ideas on “Free and Fair Elections”. The fact that it is common knowledge that at least 50,000 dead people are on the electoral roll, those voters registered that may swing the oppositions way haven’t been told which polling station they have been registered at, television sets, generators and vehicles have been bought for various government officials in the past couple of weeks, oh, and rather a lot of people on the ‘correct side of the fence’ have had their salaries miraculously raised for the coming month. Surely none of this has anything at all to do with the voting process. Coincidence works in mysterious ways don’t you know?

Anyway just to make sure they do have a peaceful day, Mugabe has ensured that all polling stations are full of his own policemen, because heaven forbid the opposition supporters may cause any nonsense, like voting for anyone but the President himself, at least the police are in place to sort it out.

‘Independent’ observers have been brought in of course, but only from countries with which President Mugabe enjoys a spot of free trading. He’ll have none of those anti-Mugabe EU colonialist lot because they’re a totally uncontrollable bunch what with their “human rights” nonsense, and “stop starving the people who don’t vote for you” rubbish. I mean for goodness sake, why should he be feeding people who are against his regime? Let those ones fend for themselves!

I do hope he invited Kenya’s electoral commission down there for a spot of observing. I understand they are a very reliable bunch of fellows with cases of making sure the “right man” wins………

Oh, shame, sorry Mr Mugabe, we can’t help you out there, I understand we’ve got a spot of bother our end and they’re all under investigation in an international independent enquiry.

Oh well, at least there’ll be none of that twaddle for you Zimbabweans when the President wins. It’ll just be business as usual and all those colonialists and their mumbo jumbo rights concerns can get knotted.

Personally I think if I was a Zimbabwean I might just not bother getting out of bed today as chances are it’ll not be worth paying that 10 Million dollar bus fare to get yourself down the polling station.

But then again, miracles are known to have happened – even in Africa.

(Perhaps not in Kenya I may add, but still….)

So I shall sit here watching the news and wait for the official results – perhaps not with baited breath – but I shall await the results all the same, and perhaps keep my toes crossed that someone somewhere may have the audacity to help knock Robert Mugabe off his pedestal and beat him in these elections.


Gorilla Bananas said...

That tyrant better go quietly or there'll be civil war. How could anyone take him seriously after he claimed that a British minister was "the wife" of a gay rights campaigner? If he'd said "husband" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt. He's clearly bonkers.

aims said...

It never stops does it? And did you notice I didn't say - over there - ? Because it is everywhere. I for one am proud to say I don't know any politicians..

Anonymous said...

"But then again, miracles are known to have happened – even in Africa."
What do you mean? Very strange that miracles can happen in AFRICA eeh?

mark said...

i think something terribly goes wrong with old presidents especially with names starting with M,-Moi,Mugabe,Mwai,M7.....whats happrens if the americans elect another old man-McCain??????

seinlife said...

the thing is..i doubt Mugabe is going anywhere until the day he decides to make peace with himself or the day he dies on the throne!
I agree with @Mark - there is certainly something about the presidency that once a nincompoop is in-we have to pry him out coz he doesn't wanna leave. Mind you not just in Africa ...

Baba W&M said...

The sad sad thing is the bum will still win. I do not know how things can get worse in Zimbabwe but they will. We can only pray.
@Mark...Museveni, Mobutu, Muammar, Oh my.
@Seinlife...Mugabe will only leave when he stops a bullet.