Thursday, March 27, 2008

Our "Grand Coalition" government is at 'stalemate' ..

Well after all the ‘how to lose some kilos’ advice I was offered, I thought I’d better get to it. Then in this last couple of days on the British news, there is a story that has really caught my eye.

There’s been lots of talk of this website called Miss Bimbo, which is aimed at 9 to 16 year old girls, in which they are told to buy their virtual characters breast enlargement surgery and to keep them “waif thin” with diet pills, and it really made me think ….

It’s not 9 to 16 year olds that should be worried about the kind of rubbish it promotes, such as who’s got the trendiest hair do, clothes and skinniest body (with or without plastic surgery), but it should be shut down and immediately relaunched as a 25+ years old only site and it’ll be an instant hit !

I mean you only need read the front page of the site;

Become the hottest, coolest most famous bimbo ever!
Become the most famous, beautiful, sought after bimbo across the globe!
• Find your own cool place to live.
• Find a fun job to pay for your needs and all the clothes a Bimbo could possibly want.
• Date that famous hottie you've had your eye on and show the Bimbo world the social starlet you are!
• Even resort to meds or plastic surgery. Stop at nothing to become the reigning bimbo!

I’ll join up, get myself some diet pills, plastic surgery and some designer clothes and I’ll be all set to reface you bloggers out there as I resurface as Miss Bimbo Chick 2008, and I know you’ll all be dead impressed !

...... Then I took a look at our own headlines this morning;

"Parties want Annan to resolve stalemate"
“PNU and ODM blame each other after deadlock over how to share key posts”, and
“MP’s take a 3 week break” from Parliament - the "big house with no business to transact”,

and it got me thinking ……..

We could start an internet game here just for all our Kenyan Members of Parliament to give them something useful to do whilst they take yet another break, and it could perhaps stop their bickering and renewed threats of mass action. They could earn ‘power points’ instead of ‘bimbo attitude points’. They could even earn themselves cash, but only by completing different challenges online, and then they could be granted different ministries as per their outcomes of the various challenges.

Normal everyday people such as ourselves would think up the challenges and WE would decide WHO deserves each ministry – whether from the PNU or the ODM camp, it would be OUR choice!

You could have the solving of security problems challenge where you could resettle all the IDP’s safely back into their own homes without any further tribalism around to drive them out again, and if you won the challenge you could be awarded the MINISTRY OF INTERNAL SECURITY.

If you rebuilt streets that were totalled during the troubles such as those in Kisumu, you could perhaps garner yourself the MINISTRY OF HOUSING & DEVELOPMENT, and if you could persuade all foreign embassies to remove their travel warnings and accept you as an ‘honest type’, you could perhaps win yourself the MINISTRY OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS……
(Then again, it may be tricky for any one of our 200+ MP’s to win that challenge, I’m not sure ‘honesty’ is quite up their street.)

The MINISTRY OF EDUCATION will only be got by putting in some decent plans for free education that don’t relate to the nonsense of “building funds”, but actually genuinely give free schooling. Then the MINISTRY OF LOCAL GOVERNMENT would be given to someone who can actually prove that a plan of keeping the matatu’s out of the city centre and giving the contract of shuttle services to a few ‘friendly’ companies (and NOT ‘at a price’) will actually help the traffic congestion and will not just be a way to make an extra buck on the side and meanwhile heaping yet more costs onto the common wanainchi.

They could earn themselves Mercedes, security details, take away girlfriends and even extra salaries but instead of all this coming out of our hard earned taxes, it could be all virtual cash and controlled by virtual bankers (– such as me of course who will take up the MINISTRY OF FINANCE), who shall allow only necessary provisions for drawings of real cash by paying ALL MP’s bills direct.

Although all ‘virtual’ and ‘online’, these MP’s would be earning themselves a ton, have Mercs stashed at each of their various residences, and a ‘sweetie’ housed in the Penthouse suite at the Nairobi Safari Club.

All this will do their street credibility wonders, the real cash would still lie in the Central Bank coffers and would not actually be spent on these Members of Parliament and their fictitious expenses, but could be finally used properly on real projects that would have been thought up originally as challenges on line with proper input coming from real Kenyans living real lives and not those living in their posh mansions surrounded by cotton wool and not having a real clue as to what the rest of Kenya is actually going through.

I reckon this game has the potential to most definitely sort the men from the boys (or the women from the girls for that matter), and get our country finally back on the right track!

And if, by the way there was a problem with the adjudication of the whole event, (we’d be sure not to have the ECK involved in any online tallying!), there wouldn’t be calls of mass action but instead online internet hours would be limited to the side seen as not behaving themselves! That way, our MPs would need to complete their challenges more competently in less time, therefore actually making use of their brains for once perhaps for something more useful than finding out which clothes to pack for their next ‘retreat’.

Excellent plan don’t you think?

I think we should go ahead with it immediately.

We’ll call it

Right, first things first;
“Hands up, Who wants to be President??”


aims said...

Wow MC - you've bowled me over with this one!

All that for your elected officials - AND - to see you as Miss Bimbo Chick 2008!

I don't know if the world is ready for it....

Sukuma Kenya said...

I think somehow things got mixed up in the Matrix. Bloggers are supposed to be running things in the real world and those things called politicians should be stuck in cyberspace. And with you brilliant nobel winning idea, they would love it!!
On a more serious note, please sign the petition which is linked on my blog if you are looking for one more way to voice your frustration in life. Who knows it might be like whatsher face who clicked her heals three times and...and all the politicians disappeared...

Gorilla Bananas said...

Kenya is ready for a white woman to be its president. A white woman with a big firm bottom.

seinlife said...

Love it - it will at the very least give them something to do for the Kshs they make, right?
Only glitch is you are talking about people who have perfected the art of rigging. Trust you soon as the contest is announced, all the hackers in eastern europe and the lone 13yrs old in florida will be summoned and presented with kshs/$ to hack the system and rig each one as the best. ECK will hire their own hacker to take the system down!

Baba W&M said...

Excellent idea... you will first have to educate some of those dim wits that the Internet is not some sort of fishing device.


Aims - Miss Bimbo Chick 2008, Minister of Finance NO LESS. :-)

Sukuma Kenya - With you there, we should all swop roles and make them into little avatars that we get to control. It might be the only way out of this mess! Have signed your petition. :-)

Mr Bananas - Ooooh, I can most definitely do 'big firm bottom' !

Seinlife - You're right there. They'll be hacking the system before its even launched!

Baba W&M - Too true. We will have to give some courses.....
LESSON ONE - The computer is that big screen thing with the flat panel with letters on it that sits on your desk in the office. It is not only a dust collecter, but if plugged into the power can actually show CNN!
- That should start them off and encourage them to use it!!

William Deed said...

That is actually such a very good idea.

Truly brilliant.

nuttycow said...

I vote you for President.

Only if I can be official jumper-off-moving-car lady


Will - Glad you like it. I'll vote you in as Minister for Tourism and Wildlife! I think you've already completed some of the challenges well :-)

Nuttycow - Great. I'll need lots of ladies to run and jump in and out of moving cars. I'll put you down!

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