Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Raila's new security detail ....

This was an article in one of our newspapers this morning, which detailed Raila's new found status as "Might be PM if it goes through Parliament Thursday", and his upgraded security detail, and apart from making me think;
"Oh Goody, yet another way for you people to waste my hard earned cash",
it reminded me of the most spectacular performance that I saw last night on the news.

"Raila gets taste of power"

".. the feel of power is already there, with the hawk-eyed security officers drawn from the Recce Unit of the General Service Unit, ".." who dangled from their chase cars in the typical antics they perform when the President arrives for functions."

Well can I tell you, "dangled" was the operative word.

Obviously being new to the power of having '25' Mercedes and '90' highly armed personnel in posh suits following him about, Raila didn't quite carry the whole arrival thing off as slickly as he perhaps should have.

On the news, they showed a video of the arrival of both Kibaki and Raila at Harambee House for their meeting yesterday with the 'full security detail'.

It starts off with Kibaki's motorcade.

First Merc slows down and as it comes to a stop two chaps hop out of the back and then rush back down the line of Mercs and open the door for Kibaki.

Then Raila's turn.

The motorcade appears, navy blue Merc in front as Kibaki's but before the driver has a chance to slow down the back doors fly open and two fellows jump out of the back before the car comes to a standstill. One ends up running off into the car park as he can't stop and the other one nearly falls on his face on the pavement.

I laughed so hard!

I think they forgot to tell the new security detail that those jokers who hang out of the car doors when they are arriving somewhere, do actually wait for it to almost come to a standstill before they hit the ground running !!

Then when Raila was leaving we got a similar cartoon ......

You see that fellow on the left of this picture. Well he misjudged his timing in the whole performance a little.

As the two goons on either side of the Merc jumped into the back seats, the whole motorcade sped up, and the fellow on the left nearly got left behind and had to dive head first into the front seat. It was priceless.

I think they must have missed their lessons in how to get into and out of a moving car without looking completely foolish !!

- Never mind, perhaps if they're lucky and ask nicely, Najib Balala (from the 'Pentagon' team who rode to the venue with Raila), will give them a few tips as I must say I did notice how well he hopped out of the back of the Lexus !!

............ Probably because he waited for it to STOP - You never know!


aims said...

Everyone thinks they are in the movies! Why is that??

Talk about self-important - it got me laughing too!

Anonymous said...

I don't see why it's funny...Maybe coz I did not actually see it!

Anyway, if he's going to be PM, he will need security, so your hard earned money has to be wasted. What's the alternative? Stay in political deadlock?

Lone Ranger said...


I have irefutable intelligence that the vast majority of these security guys are recruited form the public service sector.

apparaently, the gvt has asecret programme of recruiting the best makangas for this job becase-seriuosly, the jumping on and off a moving car is very similar to what makangas do...

but shhh, don't tell anyone, it's top secret.why do yo think the government got involved in the matatu industry when michuki was transport minister ?

zed said...

priceless MC. that was really funny.

loneranger: is it true it's the same 'kudondoka' trick? i'd think the goons in MC's account are not makangas tho' coz even if the trick is not exactly the same, a makanga,unlike these clowns would atleast get part of it right- transferable skills. maybe they should be giving those jobs to makangas and not their relatives from shags.

btw MC. you don't have to wait for the car to stop. i used to 'dondoka' myself. the trick is to go with the leg nearer the door first and you'll be fine. switch legs and, no matter how slow the mat is, you're done. lol. maybe application needs slight adjustment with smaller cars but i think the principle is the same. obviously someone forgot to tell that pompous clown that nearly fell over.ha ha ha

thanks for making me laugh at those idiots. hate them. someone should upload that stuff on youtube

Lone Ranger said...

ZED, Good point.

I Think the real experienced makangas asked for too much money and the gava wanted to do the job on the they settled for these

good idea of putting that up on youtube...


Aims - I thought it was hysterical and glad it got you laughing too.

Anon - seems your sense of humour has gone on leave, but perhaps you had to see it to laugh so hard.

Lone Ranger - AHA - Now it all makes perfect sense! - and I think you're right about them doing it on the cheap for our soon to be new PM !!

Zed - Sounds like you should set up a training camp for the goons! :)

If I find it on Youtube I will most definitely download it for you.

Dad Mzungu said...

It's a long time since I have been able to have a chuckle at your accounts of daily life in Tweedle-land.
However, today I excelled as everyone in the cyber cafe here in Kisii turned round as the Mzungu gave out a belly laugh as I read your latest.
I am not only considered peculiar 'cos I am pale but also barking mad! Thanks for that!
I'll just have to find another cyber cafe
Dad Mzungu


DM - Glad to make you laugh but sorry about having to change cyber cafe's - Mind you, I'd say you're pretty lucky there's a choice!

Peter Ndegwa said...

MC great post as usual. I actually saw that on TV and was nearly on the floor laughing. I thought Agwambo got one of his consorts, slapped on him a dark suit but forgot some critical training. By the way, wait for the dark glasses. When Condie was around the local strong arms were outdone by the dark glasses totting American dudes. I am glued to the TV hoping for a re-enactment during the reopening of Parliament.


Peter - Yes I saw the dark glassed thugs when Condi was around. Perhaps we should have a whip round and buy a job lot of those very cool 'Adidas' glasses they are selling on Uhuru Highway for 100/- to give to Raila's lot so they don't look so bad when they fly across the car park at high speed!
I do hope they have a rerun of the event today and we can get something on Youtube!!

William Deed said...

Brilliant. Are the clips online anywhere?


Will - Sadly not that I've come across, but I will be sure to post them if I find any.

Martin said...

Waaah....! I've had one heck of a laugh !! I haven't seen this clip yet, any chance of me seeing it ? Especially when Raila is leaving - the picture above just cracks me up.


Martin - Sadly i haven't yet found a clip to post here but when i do I most defniitely shall.