Cleavage

Well as anyone who has any access to any form of international news right now will know, we are having a spot of bother our end after the announcement of the Presidential results yesterday and the immediate refusal of the opposition to agree with the decision due to accusations of rigging. The police are shooting anyone on site who looks like they are causing trouble and latest figures quoted show at least 125 dead, (and I’m sure that’s a very low estimate and it’s probably a lot more by now).

This morning a few shops opened and a couple of petrol stations and everyone rushed in and was panic buying fuel, food and other necessities before they shot back to the safety of their homes. Basically it is like living in a ‘State of Emergency’ and we are all catching cabin fever after being holed up in our homes waiting to see what happens next really and it’s all getting a little tedious.

So I thought I’d cheer myself up in blogsville and completely change the subject, and the subject is …. much to most men’s approval I’m sure … Cleavage!

Now here’s the thing, I’m not generally one to wear girlie clothes and tight tops and suchlike and not usually my thing. However once a year at Christmas I generally don a bit of a skirt and top (not necessarily tight I might add!) for the one day of the year.

Well, I really wouldn’t have said that I had on anything half as revealing as most of my mates wear on an everyday basis, but it seemed it was such a shock to everyone who knows me (as usually I look like something out of convent school obviously), that I got some very strange reactions.

It was quite an interesting experience, all the men I met on Christmas day had a direct conversation with my boobs – totally forgetting that perhaps they won’t actually talk back and it is in fact my face that speaks, but funnily enough it didn’t seem to bother them at all – the men that is – not my boobs!

All the women I came across had a stranger reaction – again speaking generally to the boobs but meanwhile rearranging their own.

I couldn’t really work out if this was a jealously thing, that they were worried that their cleavage wasn’t looking as large and therefore needed to be constantly rearranged to see if they could perhaps get a little more lift out of it, or it was the fact mine was perhaps hanging out a little too far and they were just checking theirs wasn’t too!

It was really quite an unsettling day can I say and I’d just like to know from the couple of you who read this drivel what your opinions are ……

Now I found this picture on the web and it is not dissimilar to what I probably had on display for Christmas – if you had the right angle – although perhaps I don’t think mine were quite as squashed together or as large or as uncovered either – but this is the cleavage up for discussion here, (as I don’t dare show the real thing for fear of chasing away the few regular readers in horror!)

Now would you have a conversation with the boobs or would you think – ‘Wonder what the face looks like?’ or ‘Who cares about the face and what it has to say for itself I’ll just have a long conversation with these babies’ or perhaps you’re the really decent type and would of course immediately think, ‘Gosh, what a pretty necklace she’s wearing!’ ??

And, if you’re a girl, will you, on seeing this spot of cleavage staring at you, start rearranging your top or is that a strange phenomenon with women about these parts?

..... And while you ponder a while on this cleavage, can I just wish you all a very happy and peaceful 2008!

Breaking News: Kibaki Wins

ECK official results have just broken as follows;

Kibaki 4,584,721
Raila 4,352.993

Raila will be very quick to dispute this I'm sure.

I have already heard one gunshot so far round here so we need to most definitely stay indoors and wait to see what happens next.

We are holding our breath.

Things are Very Very Quiet

It is very eerie and very quiet in our parts. The TV channels are all showing the usual Sunday religious programmes, all the radio stations seem to have music only with no presenters present, all the shopping centres seem not to have opened and are keeping their gates padlocked and guarded.

We have absolutely no news since last night about who is or isn't our president. It's really very odd. People don't really seem to know what to do with themselves and are holed up in their houses as if there had been a coup.

All I can say is I hope they announce this result soon so that we can get on with our lives one way or the other.

latest

ECK PUTS off presidential results to tomorrow, to review all 210 returns. CORRECTION ON: PREVIOUS alert (Raila 4.5m Kibaki 4.2m) wrongly computed.
Actual is 3.8m each with Raila 38,002 votes ahead of Kibaki with 19 constituencies outstanding.
Of the outstanding counts so far at least one is to be repolled and another came in with more votes than voters which was interesting!

Chaos at Dagoretti Corner

I have just come back from town and driving through Dagoretti Corner there are about 50 thugs with very large (brand new funnily enough) thick poles about 5 feet long and 2 inches in diameter running about threatening people and vehicles.

There is evidence of burning on the road and the small kiosks are all suddenly deserted. We drove through very fast and I took this picture on my phone. Basically all those guys on the left of this picture are armed and willing to hit anyone and anything in their way.

Journalists are reporting total chaos in Kisumu and also in the Kibera and Mathere slums in Nairobi.

Latest results from 189 constituencies now show Raila having 4,356,092 votes and Kibaki with 4,009,300 so still too tight to call as depending on which districts haven't yet come in, it could most definitely still go either way but the ODM (Raila) supporters are calling for Kibaki to concede although the results are still not finalised.

Things are thick.

Think I perhaps spoke a little too soon ....

Trouble has broken out in the centre of Nairobi, amongst other places, and according to the army officers stopping all the cars going into town searching for weapons, they are warning people to stay away as cars are being burnt and stones thrown.

On one of the main roads leading into the city centre people are fighting on the street and shots have been fired although there is no news on any injuries at this time, just general tension and panic.

Driving in myself this morning there were small groups of people all the way along the roads and there is serious tension in the air.

The rumours are that people are upset that the results are taking too long, they want to know why the parliamentary and civic results are being released but the presidential ones are not and yet they were all counted at the same time.

Further rumours are suggesting that they will swear in the new president in secret by 1pm today and then release the result - but personally I think this really is just talk and just that - a rumour.

Latest results just issued (at 12pm) from 159 constituencies counted;

Raila 3,726,247

Kibaki 3,416,139

Kalonzo 346,214

The counting continues ….

Well the counting continues, and the police are getting busier. According to the Electoral Commission (ECK), the voter turnout was so high that the logistics are a little overwhelming when it came to counting – well that’s their excuse and they’re sticking to it!

What is quite interesting this morning is that yesterday evening the latest figures I got with regards to votes that had been counted for the presidential seat, Raila was way out in front with 56% and Kibaki had only 37% of the votes counted. The report said that at this time 21% of registered voters were included in these figures. Now this morning with 54% of the voting register having their votes counted, the figures look quite different. Now it shows that Raila stands at 45% of the vote and Kibaki takes 42%, so really quite a different story.

There have been a lot of current sitting MP's voted out. Some expected, but some a bit of a shock, such as the current Vice President losing his seat in his home town and all of the Moi sons who went up for nomination losing out to ODM party candidates which was quite surprising. This I think then shows the country is definitely looking for some change and less of the old school regime it seems which is a good thing, although some of the candidates voted in are complete unknowns with absolutely no history in politics at all (but heard the salary's good so stood for nomination), so it could be a very interesting Parliament.

I heard yesterday on one of the radio stations that the wife of one of these newly elected MP's had called the ECK yesterday to demand that their new salaries start immediately as her husband was not currently driving a Mercedes and she felt it was most definitely now his right to do so and she would like him to be issued with the cash to go and purchase one today!

There has of course been the vote rigging issues which have caused trouble in some areas, (although not half as many as I had expected which is good). The worst ones I know of seem to have been one in a district just to the east of Nairobi (not far from where I live) which is called Kajiado North and where a very strong ally of the incumbent President sits. There was an issue where someone said that two of the ballot boxes that arrived for counting yesterday morning were not sealed and were found to be full of paper rubbish and not ballots, so a crowd of people got wound up, started chasing the election officials about and smacked a few people, the counting was suspended and the riot police drafted in to watch the station. As far as I know, the counting has still not yet resumed in that district although the ECK said they were dealing with the irregularities.

Then just down the road (between me and town), there is a district known as Dagoretti, and although I’m not 100% sure what went wrong there, I do know that the counting was also stopped and the electoral officer in charge of that station has been locked up in a police cell since yesterday afternoon ‘for questioning’.

I have also heard of a few similar issues with some of the polling stations around the rest of the country but I have no facts on how many stations have suspended voting and what will happen next in those districts.

So things aren’t entirely peaceful – although so far it has just been a minor few incidents that I've heard of and all hell has not yet broken loose, and we can only keep our fingers crossed very tightly to hope that it doesn’t, AND we still have no certain winner and so we keep on waiting with baited breath!

Not sure that the Reuters report has it right.

Headlines from Reuters Africa show this .....................

Kibaki leads Kenya election - exit poll
Thu 27 Dec 2007, 17:16 GMT

By Andrew Cawthorne and Wangui Kanina
NAIROBI (Reuters) - Kenya's President Mwai Kibaki leads Thursday's presidential election with 47.4 percent of the vote, versus 42.7 for opposition leader Raila Odinga, according to an exit poll by a local independent observer group.
The Institute for Education in Democracy (IED), a respected non-governmental organisation, gave the figures -- which it was constantly updating on its Web site -- at 8 p.m. (1700 GMT) based on more than 260 polling stations out of 20,000.

However word on the ground this morning, (although only about 10% of all votes counted so far), is that Raila has it by something like 62% to Kibaki at around 36%.

This of course could dramatically change as it depends which districts haven't yet sent in their numbers as if it's Western Kenya - they'll be Raila votes and if its Eastern it'll most definitely be Kibaki ones.

So we're all still on a wait and see.

Things seem pretty peaceful. I have come into town to my office and the roads are very quiet. There are a few police cars on the road and i did see one truck full of riot police heading out of town with lights flashing, but i'm not sure that this isn't more of just being vigilant rather than actual trouble brewing, as things are quite tense.

What i must say though with this election is that i think overall we have most defintely had less goons handing over cash and pollling stations which is great news and a lot of young people have voted for the first time and seem to have done so without the tribal lines that are usually drawn with regards to the candidates with the older generation.

SO all in all things may just be looking up.

Will keep you updated as and when I hear anything!

So far we have quiet on the eastern front.

So far, so good - although of course i shouldn't speak too soon - but generally it seems that voting is peaceful throughout the country.

There were a few little set backs in the morning when some of the polling stations opened very late, due to various reasons such as the polling clerks not turning up or the polling register gone missing. Then up to fifteen of the wards (at last count), had to cancel their civic elections as some of the candidates were missing from the ballot paper. But no matter it seems, as in those areas they could still vote for their parliamentary candidate and the most important matter to hand - the presidency so they all seemed to be fairly satisfied with that.

It got slightly tricky in Langata, (an area in Nairobi), when Raila Odinga (one of the main two candidates up for the presidential seat), arrived at his local polling station to vote - at a pre-advertised, nice civilised hour of the day, with lots of pomp and ceremony - and his name was left out of the electoral register.

Anyway a couple of phone calls were made and a lot of shouting was done, and then an irate Mr Odinga leapt into his car and sped up to the Kenyatta Conference Centre where the election commission is holed up and jumped up and down outside their offices demanding to see somebody in charge.

He was then duly informed that the situation would be immediately rectified, (and not to get his knickers in such a twist), and that the electoral roll with his name on would be printed out 'tout suite' and by the time he got back to his polling station would be ready and waiting for him, and off he sped again, with a convoy of about 12 vehicles, one of which narrowly missed a rather bemused electoral official who was trying to chase after the cars to give them what i can only assume was the print out of the missing page with Mr Odinga's name on it.

So apart from that little mishap, and a couple of the electoral rolls for different regions ending up being sent in the completely wrong direction - such as the one for an area at the coast ending up in Kajiado - which is a town in the far north of Kenya and one of the polling registers that was supposed to go to Eldoret ending up in Naivasha, (around 200kms south of where it should have been), things seem to be going fairly well.

So its fingers crossed and see what happens as the day draws to a close.

Absolute Shocker from 'The Telegraph'

Please tell me this is not the general state of journalism in the UK these days .....

I have just found this headline on the Telegraph's online news site;

"Kenya's PM Mwai Kibaki awaits election vote"
by Mike Pflanz in Nairobi

Please note that Kenya does not and never has had a Prime Minister in this country since independence and you'll find that the Honorable Mwai Kibaki is currently (at least for the next 24 hours anyhow) the President of our country and not as the great journalist suggests in his headline the PM!

If someone would just like to clarify this small point to Mr Pflanz - that would be marvelous.

Things looking a little tricky here on the Kenyan front.

Well rallying for the elections is officially over as it is illegal for any politicians to be hold rallies on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

They seemed to have solved this however by going to church and having a quick preach there instead - just in case anyone hasn't yet got the point.

Talking to friends yesterday and listening to all the news stories that are flowing hot and fast now as we run up to the last few hours before voting, things I think could turn a little tricky.

It seems that the opposition party with Raila in charge is getting ahead in the polls and yet the incumbent president Mwai Kibaki I've heard has got a few little tricks up his sleeve.

I am assured seeing as there are so many international observers in situ that the chances of rigging are slim but I'm far too cynical and am far from convinced. I have been told by someone who is a member of Kibaki's youth group that they have got half a million voters on the register that are actually dead - so they are taking those votes as guaranteed for Kibaki!

I'm really not sure how it works and if they can get away with this extra half a million votes, but in a nation where there is less than 14 Million voters registered and of that number the people who will actually vote on the day will certainly not be anywhere near 100%, then this half a million extra people who don't actually exist are really going to count - if these Kibaki fellows get them slotted in?

Personally I can't see Kibaki not rigging it if he needs to seeing as he is still the one currently sitting in State House, has appointed the election commission personally, and I understand has made the KICC - which is where the election commission is based and from where they will announce the final results - off limits to everyone for the next few days. (The opposition party has already started jumping up and down about rigging already and we haven't even opened the polling stations yet.)

My worry is that i think there will be some serious trouble if Kibaki wins, as it will immediately be seen as unfair - although if the polls are right, these main two are actually still quite close - the opposition keeps dismissing those polls as a load of rubbish unless they are confirmed as having a large majority. And I can't see Kibaki not winning at this stage with whatever means he has to.

I do hope I'm over-reacting here, and that things will be peaceful, and whoever wins will do so fairly and squarely, but right now I'm not entirely convinced.

I'll keep you posted!

Electioneering and Corruption ....

Now I’ve got a bit of ‘food for thought’ for all you chaps and chapesses out there.

To give you a bit of background – we have 3 main contenders vying for the Presidency of Kenya right now. There’s Mwai Kibaki – current president – political party PNU, whose slogan is “Kazi Iendelee”, which basically means “The work continues”. Then we have Raila Odinga – political party ODM (Orange Democratic Movement) whose slogan is “Raila Tosha”, which basically translates as ‘Raila, That’s it’ or ‘Raila is enough’, and whose party is symbolised by one orange. He’s a fellow who used to be in the same party as Kibaki and played a very significant part in getting Kibaki elected 5 years ago but got himself fired from government a while back for going against the president in some issue or other. Then finally we have Kalonzo Musyoka – a very well educated, well spoken fellow who used to be in the same party as Raila but they parted company when they couldn’t agree on who should vie for the top job so he’s now the ODM Kenya party symbolised by one and a half oranges and hasn’t got much hope of getting in as according to the polls, his rating stands somewhere round the 10% mark so he’s not really being counted by the masses as much of a contender.

We’ve got serious campaigning going down with the run up to elections on the 27th December and in our “honest” see through electioneering that we have around here, basically there is a lot of cash changing hands.

You can get paid as part of ‘rent a crowd’ at any campaign rally, which is great for all those out of work slum dwellers who generally have nothing to their name – they rush from rally to rally picking up cash and a new wardrobe of whichever party nominees t-shirt they may be handing out, plus a bunch of posters they can use as wallpaper in their shacks – so it’s quite a worthwhile job really, (although sadly after the 27th it won’t last, and the rich will keep their money, and the poor will continue to be incredibly poor.)

The other way of making yourself some money is to turn up on election day for a bit of a vote where they will be loads of goons hanging around every polling station, handing out money to get you to vote for their party.

Talking to a bunch of people today – not your wealthy ‘drive cars and live in nice houses’ types but general ‘wanainchi’ – which are your everyday fellows – bit of a job, (if they’re lucky), probably a room goes with it and they earn around 8 to 10 thousand shillings a month – which is somewhere between 70 to 90 Euros. Anyway I wanted to know the general opinion with regards to how they think the election may go as according to the pollsters it's a very tight race between the top two. Turns out most of them are on Raila’s side as they think he’s the ‘Robin Hood’ type and will be the best for all those on the poverty line (and very much below it). There’s a few that say they would rather Kibaki keeps going for another 5 years and continues with whatever work he has started, because no matter how much we wish to complain about the current president, there is no doubt that he has done quite a lot of good for this country – he could have done a hell of a lot more that’s for sure, but at least he has made some few beneficial changes.

The argument between the two (as Kalonzo seems not to feature in their books), is that Kibaki is a Kikuyu and being the largest tribe in Kenya is seen as holding all the money for himself and his fellow Kikuyu’s and for that reason is creating tribalism. Raila, on the other hand, has been rushing round making friends with all the different tribes (and seeing as we have 52 different tribes in this country, it is probably a very wise strategy) and he has already slotted a few of them into his clique – known as the ‘Pentagon’ and is promising to install them all into prominent parliamentary positions.

I can understand how this distinction has come about between the two of them, but I’m not sure that it’s entirely true and here’s the dilemma …….

A lot of the fellows I spoke to say they are god fearing Christians and for that reason they will not take the cash to vote for someone that they have no wish to have in parliament.

But what I say is ‘Why not take the cash – see it as a Christmas gift – then go and vote for whoever you believe in.’
– Is that wrong when you have nothing and people are willing to hand over bank notes even though they cannot follow you into the polling booth and see who you really stick your cross by? Would you still call that corruption or just a case of taking from the rich if they’re so intent on handing it out anyway??

Now, there’s some food for thought wouldn’t you say!

Humour 'comes from testosterone' ......?

I'm on a bloggin roll here - sorry to bore you all with yet another post this morning but you know I just had to put my 5 cents worth in here when i spotted this headline on the Beeb site, (even though of course I am at work and should be .. er.. working perhaps - it is nearly Christmas, so what the hell hey!) ;


I mean I can’t believe that some Professor from Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital has even dared to state that “HUMOUR COMES FROM TESTOSTERONE”!

According to the knowledgeable Professor Shuster, he observed how different genders reacted to his unicycling hobby and concluded from his findings of the reaction of over 400 people in Newcastle upon Tyne that more men than women responded verbally with very few women making comic or snide remarks whereas over 75% of the men attempted wit – mostly shouting “Lost your wheel?” or other such abuse.



From these observations Professor Shuster concluded that the simplest explanation is the effect of male hormones such as testosterone.

….. Oh HO bloody HO fellows!

Can I just say – being a woman and therefore rather lacking in the testosterone department – I would like to clear this small matter up of the differences between men and women’s idea of humour – and it’s got F *** All to do with testosterone I can tell you!

Basically women, on seeing some idiot careering about the town on a unicycle, will immediately think; “Gosh Poor Bloke – he must have an extremely small willy that would make him want to make a complete pratt of himself by trying to ride a unicycle!”, and therefore would not be so cruel as to make rude jokes at the fellow trying to puff out his chest.

Meanwhile men will be thinking “Christ, what a brilliant idea for getting some attention when I have such an incredibly small willy and it’s so embarrassing – at least I could do something extremely funny like ride a one wheeled bike so that all the girls would look at me!”, and then they will insist on shouting those witty or aggressive comments such as: “Lost your wheel?” – which roughly translated means; “Listen mate, I’ve got a small willy too and I should be riding that bloody bike!”

Errrr ...... "WHOOPS!"

REUTERS REPORTS .........



Canada's PM says Dalai Lama "is not a call girl"
(Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then .....)

OTTAWA (Reuters) - When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to explain in a year-end interview why he'd met the Dalai Lama in his Ottawa office, it was clear he wanted to show respect for the exiled Tibetan leader.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite come out that way.

"I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl," Harper told OMNI television.

He quickly added: "As I say, he's a respected international spiritual leader."

China condemns the Dalai Lama as a separatist and presses world leaders to shun him. German Chancellor Angela Merkel met him in September, but only in private, and last month the Vatican called off a meeting with the Pope set for December 13.

Harper is a strong critic of China's human rights record and what he calls the "undemocratic regime" in Beijing.

China condemned Harper for "disgusting conduct" in late October after he met the Dalai Lama in his parliamentary office with television cameras and photographers present.

The Dalai Lama -- who fled his predominantly Buddhist homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Communist rule -- was granted honorary Canadian citizenship in June.

Harper's chief spokeswoman did not respond to a query as to whether the prime minister regretted his choice of words in the interview, which took place on Tuesday but was embargoed until Thursday.

There’s been a fab fest of strange stories in the news over the last couple of days and I thought I’d post a couple of my faves to share;

Starting off with a classic in Singapore where a national service man sashayed into a lift early one morning clad in only a pink bikini.

(Sorry - couldn't find a picture of the bloke but thought you'd appreciate this one of Danielle Lloyd a lot more anyhow!)

He was fined S$11,000 and put in jail for the day. Of the charges he admitted to included “outraging the modesty of the woman who shared the lift with him”!
- Personally, I’d appeal that one as obviously just because the woman has a complex about the fact that the fellow looked hotter than she ever could wearing that pink bikini – surely should be no reason for such a hefty fine!

The best part of the story is the summing up;
“In mitigation, Tan Wen Zhong’s lawyer said ‘his client has been badly affected by his parents divorce during his formative years’”!!

- Totally with you there honey – I mean what else would make you want to rush round town dressed in a pink bikini? I mean my parents divorced when I was young and that must totally explain my constant urge to charge round town wearing only a pair of Snoopy boxer shorts ….. Damn, what on earth was I thinking wasting all that money on therapy!!


…….. then I came across;

“Do Goats Make Great Gifts?”
- which surely can only by summed up in one line ……..
“Depends if you’re the goat!”

How many 5 year olds can you take on?

Don't joke with me now as this is my score ........



30

This survey tells you how many five year old children you could fight at once.

Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combating experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass.

Here are the ground rules:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
There are no weapons or foreign objects
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
The children are merciless and will show no fear
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

Cheating of course is highly recommended .....

(I should get extra marks actually for being trampled on a horse more than once - this year alone!!)

click on the red box above and ... GOOD LUCK IN YOUR MISSION !

Latest News Update from the BBC ...

Man cuts off penis in restaurant
A man cut off his penis with a knife in a packed London restaurant.
Police were forced to use CS gas to restrain the man when they entered the Zizzi restaurant in The Strand on Sunday evening.
A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said the man was aged between 30 and 40 and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

.............. Goodness Gracious – Imagine just popping down The Strand for a spot of Italian when some lunatic comes charging into the restaurant, into the kitchen, grabs a kitchen knife and started slashing at himself.

The fact that he chopped off his own willy was kind of a dumb thing to do wouldn’t you say.

Sadly the London Hospital into which he is currently admitted say that although the main is in a stable condition ; ‘It is understood that surgeons were unable to reattach his penis.'

Now, do you think there was a waiter rushing after the ambulance shouting “Sorry Sir, I think you might have forgotten something!”, waving the fellow’s willy in the air? . . Perhaps that’s it, he should have given the waiter a bigger tip so he didn't jump up and down on it before giving it back!

Oh you could have so much fun with this story – it must be a woman thing – I’m absolutely sure all men reading this are wincing whilst all the girls are chuckling away

… He He He !

Ricky Hatton’s new career?

Unless you’ve been living in a dark place without any media in the last week, it must be general knowledge that there was a boxing match that took place today between Ricky Hatton and Floyd Mayweather.

Now I must say, that although boxing is not really my favourite sport, as I don’t quite understand why two grown men blatting each other should cause such a stir when surely all round the world outside some bar, somewhere, every weekend, you’ll be sure to get a couple of people smacking each other round the head, but I suppose not quite so many people will be betting their live savings on the event, as (according to Sky News – font of knowledge for all that’s English), that’s what half of Manchester did, and I must say how very sorry I feel for them all now.

Anyway, when I got up this morning I found that they were showing the fight live on one of our satellite channels, and I really felt compelled to watch the event as if I hadn’t done, something life changing may have happened and I would have missed it, so I turned it on.

Well, apart from watching two fellows chasing each other round a very small square and smacking each other in the chops, I really don’t think anything significant happened to change the world.

But then . . . they slotted in a little interview of Ricky Hatton’s father explaining that although a couple of weeks ago, Mr Hatton Junior was known as ‘Ricky Fatton’, it was not a problem for the young fellow as apparently losing 10 pounds in one single week is a simple thing for him.

WELL . . . . Women worldwide would pay millions for that kind of information, and seeing as the fellow lost the fight anyway, he should perhaps go for a bit of a career change and start up ‘Ricky Hatton’s Dream Diet Club’ – he’d never have to get smacked round the head ever again.

Go on Ricky – you know it makes sense – I’ll be your first member.

Call Me !

Hot Tips for 'Sensible Drinking at Christmas'

My medical insurance company has just sent me through an email with some top advice on 'Sensible drinking at Christmas' - apart from the usual 8 to 10 glasses of water per day of course!

Now, I'm really sorry but, although i realise that i do live in the back end of nowhere when it comes to health care, i pay a lot of bloody money for that medical insurance and i wish to make the most of that by hopefully having myself evacuated off for a fine holiday in South Africa or the UK - all because i got a little drunk and tripped over the dog, so you can be damn sure I'll be doing nothing sensible this Christmas, and I'll not be reading that !

....... the little voice in my head of course got the better of me, nagging with the;

"MC, how can you be so insensitive to the efforts of some poor struggling young doctor who's being paid wad loads of cash writing these articles on the bloody obvious in order to benefit your health!"

……… so I read on and realised with much delight that some of the advice was really quite excellent, so I thought I'd share and ease my conscience for my little outburst earlier dissing my insurance company .....
(I have of course added my own explanations in and am now quite happy with these sensible drinking rules)

EASY WAYS TO LIMIT YOUR DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS PARTIES

• Eat before you go out, so you are not drinking on an empty stomach
  (This of course means you can drink a damn site more before your legs give way)
• Set yourself a limit for each occasion - and stick to it
  (Now if that's going to be 2 bottles of wine - or perhaps 3 if you think it might be a long one - make sure you get it all down your neck before you even think about going home)
• Skip the ‘quick drink’ at lunchtime or after work
  (Make sure you get loads of chums together and make it an exceptionally long lunch so you can get a few extra down before wobbling back to the office)
• Learn how to say No and avoid pressure if you don’t want a drink
  (If of course, you have absolutely no intention of saying the word and would absolutely love a drink, “Help yourself, and the extra large glasses are above the fridge!”)
  
  Cheers!
  

Thieves party on .............

Just picked this up from Reuters - and reckon that these Aussies should get in touch with the thieves who walked off with the guiness in Ireland as between them they could most definitely have a serious Paaaaaaaaarty!


Thieves say Merry Xmas and take the ham
Mon 3 Dec 2007, 6:13 GMT

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Cheeky Australian thieves stole 16 tonnes of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse and then wrote "Thanks, Merry Christmas" on a wall, police said on Monday.
The thieves cut through a wall of the warehouse between Saturday and Sunday and stole up to A$100,000 (43,000 pounds) worth of meat.

"Officers located a message on the wall of the building, reading, 'Thanks, Merry Christmas'," said a police statement.