Sunday, February 3, 2008

Perhaps it's all a conspiracy theory after all...

Nothing makes sense any more. The leaders are talking, (well when it's not the weekend of course, or time for tea or lunch, or any other excuse from breaking up the meeting of telling lies to each other just to keep Mr. Annan happy), and yet it seems, we are really going nowhere fast.

The media reported on Friday; "Annan Team pledges end to violence in 7 days", but by today, they've gone back to "Ethnic clashes are continuing in Western Kenya, where tribal rivalry has stoked mob attacks, even after the country's opposing political forces reached an agreement", and "Kenya's Rift Valley burns despite talks of peace", and "Militiamen armed with clubs, sharpened sticks and machetes patrolled roads in Kenya's Rift Valley on Sunday, while scores of people fled."

So in a gallant effort to steer myself away from the continuously depressing local news I did a bit of surfing of the web, and much to my delight, actually came across a theory that looks quite plausible to our very own crisis at home.


"According to BBC Reporter David Icke, reptilian humanoids are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy directed at manipulation and control of humanity. He contends that most of the world's leaders, from William Jefferson Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama and George W. Bush to members of the British royal family, are in fact related to the 7-foot (2.1 m) tall, blood-drinking reptilians from the star system Alpha Draconis.

According to an interview with David Icke, Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of the late Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke and others have claimed that U.S. President George W. Bush and his family are part of this same bloodline. "

Well, of course, that's it!

Turns out our very own Mr. Kibaki and Mr. Odinga are probably just reptilian beings from some star-system or other and keep shapeshifting from nice guy politicians to machete wielding marauding gangsters in their spare time in order to take over the minds and bodies of all Kenyans and ship them back to the planet NARC.

That would make perfect sense of splitting all the ethnic groups up and transporting them into IDP camps, so they'll be easier to pick up en masse. And then once the two aliens have completely destroyed our beautiful country, trashed its economy and ostracised all of its people, they can ship in a bunch of jolly green giants and they'd all live happily ever after in the battered, burnt out lunar landscape that will be all that is left behind if we keep this up.

Sorry about all this. I think all the stress and complete unknown of what on earth to expect tomorrow is catching up with me and I am slowly, but very surely, losing what little sanity I had left to lose. I do hope there's at least a spare space at Mathare Mental Hospital for me - I don't mind sharing a bed if I have to.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

lol.Hang in there WC.

Greg said...

go to the www.theedgeam.com and listen to me im Lt.Colonel SC click on me in the archives an listen to my interview, I seen them first hand in the Millitary, they are real and are not here forANY! good Lt. Col. SC

aims said...

It is good to see a little humor from you!

Still hanging in here - usually with a hand over my mouth and a look of horror on my face - but I'm still here.

I've seen the little dot that marks your visit over on mine...

Greg said...

Im sorry I guess we have emailed the wrong reply, i must have thought
it was about something els. Sorry for the inconv. I dont know you but
ill stop emailing, again sorry. SC

Janet said...

Hey Mzungu chick- I just wanted to write in because I have been following your blog over the last month...as an American anthropologist who's spent 2 yrs in Kenya I have been hungry for news and perspectives and I have GREATLY appreciated yours. Please keep it up. Most importantly, I am so very sorry for the tragedy that has befallen Kenya :( I hope somehow this horrendous situation turns itself around...but like you am wondering what on earth the future holds...

Yours,
Janet

MZUNGU CHICK said...

Anon - thanks, we are most definitely hanging in here - it may be by the fingernails but we're doing our best!

Greg - sorry to have you all confused. It must have been the mention of aliens that you got you in here by mistake.

Aims -I really must apologise for lack of humour recently. I do promise to cheer up soon though. :-)

Janet - nice to see you have been lurking a while and thanks for your kind comment.