Gossip, Rumour and Assumption

Kenyans are excellent when it comes to a spot of rumour mongering and gossip. You can always tell it's going to be a great Kenyan story as soon as it starts out with;

"You know, I don't like gossiping, but ......... Weellllll, Have you heard?",
and that's it, you know you're going to be all ears, you just can't seem to help yourself.

Well, when the story broke yesterday of the second MP from the Opposition party being shot dead not even 48 hours after coming to terms with the fact that the first MP, Were was shot, that was it, Kenyan's were off speculating before the sentence of "Did you hear?" was even finished, and from the comments I was left on my last post, we were all at it.

But here's the thing - Yes, we will all agree with the one comment saying that 99% of our MP's seem to have a zipper malfunction with their trousers and just can't seem to keep it up (the zip that is, now - stop it !)

We all know that 99% of Kenyan MP's (and a good majority of all Kenyan men in fact) are really quite partial to a bit of take-away (or a 'bit on the side' as they call it overseas), but I'm with the majority on this one that seem to point to the fact that it was 'Oh so convenient', that our friend Mr. Kimutai Too just happened to be cruising town with a spot of take-away, - that happened to be a lady cop – (I assume on duty, as she was in uniform, and was armed), a relative of his, and the fact that our very own police Commissioner, Major General Hussein Ali was so quick and forthcoming with a total explanation of what exactly happened in great detail without conducting any apparent investigations, and all within a just a few hours of it actually happening, it’s all extremely odd to say the least.

In the paper this morning we’ve had some superb reasons as to why Mr. Too had the lady policeman in his car;

“they were driving to the nearest hotel” – but obviously were totally lost as apparently there are no hotels anywhere near the area where they were shot

“the MP was teaching the woman how to drive” – er, most definitely why we vote our MP’s in – to teach the police how to drive – Gosh, of course, how silly of me not to have known that. In fact, next time, let’s just vote for the AA

“the MP was off to view a plot of land” – the only one that is perhaps vaguely plausible.

Other details that don’t seem to add up though in my book are –

Why was the policeman who committed the crime said to be one minute “known but on the run”, then an hour later he had “turned himself in”, then last night “he was caught up with in the next town and arrested”. Does anyone know anything about his arrest at all, how it came about and at what time of the day?

Then, once the police had the suspect in custody, he was “flown to Nairobi from Eldoret” and not kept in a cell in Eldoret so that he could be charged there. But why? Surely the cells in Eldoret are also lockable and the courts there seem to be dealing fine with charging the people they have caught so far to do with the rioting, etc.

The policeman's family were evacuated from their house within an hour of the shooting incident when a taxi came to collect them and took them away with a police escort to an unknown destination. Mmmm, ok, so why would the police assume his family was in danger if it really was just a 'love triangle' - surely we'd feel sorry for the woman?

The thing that really gets me after all this is the fact that the police, government and anyone else who has ‘assumed’ authority at the moment in this great country of ours, seems intent on pulling the wool over the eyes of all Kenyans.

I really wish Mr. Annan could just sort out this honesty issue first – then every other issue would surely fall into place.

Perhaps all MP’s, Presidents, Police Commissioners and anyone else with a bit of power in their hands should walk around with a lie detector strapped to them so that anytime they opened their mouth and total lies emerged, they’d get themselves electrocuted or perhaps kicked in the arse (both in fact would be good for me), and once their hair sticks straight up on end with all the electricity charged through it and their bums well and truly hurt from all the kicking,

THEN perhaps we may get somewhere – peace may be a possibility – and Mr. Annan can return to his lovely wife and children (I’m assuming here he does have some of those), and Kenyans can live happily ever after.