HaPpY nEw YeAr !!

Happy New Year

At Long Last

In order to celebrate this fabulous day when our leaders finally made a decision to bring peace back to Kenya, I am extremely excited to be able to bring you a full programme of entertainment for your viewing pleasure to help you all join in our merriment .........



We shall start with a little dance from yours truly;






Followed by a spot of singing from my friend the 'Wordless Warbler' ;






and then, especially for the girls I got a special treat,
the Chippendales .......................

Oooooooh Er ............

Sorry about that ladies, seems the Chippendales are a little busy
and we've ended up with Mr Crippendale !!


- I say, he's making me a little nauseous,
let's move on quickly to the finale,


I have a little treat for you all, so please savour it and spend some good time staring at this box
for the FULL experience .........

(start off reading @ "I wish you were here..")

It's for real!

Look at the photo.
Need I say more?


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Is it really true?

Check this out!

"Government and ODM reach a coalition agreement, document on structure to be signed at 4pm today."

I have just had that little news update from our 411 news service!

Would anyone care to dance with me?

WOO HOO . . .


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Urgent Appeal to Save the Mara.

Wildlife Direct needs our help to save the Maasai Mara.

As we all know, last year the Mara was voted in as one of the great wonders of the world, but it is now under threat due to the situation in Kenya keeping away the tourists.

Helping to sustain this great wonder will be essential to getting Kenya back up on her feet, as once this crisis is sorted we will so need our tourists more than ever.

So now its up to us to keep the Mara going, so that the park is still there for the tourists to come back to.

Thanks all, I know I can count on you.:o)

read more

Talks have NOT collapsed BUT they have been suspended .....

Hmmmmm ......
Sorry, but what the f*** does that mean?


Kofi: "I'm suspending these talks and shall now directly engage Kibaki and Raila to find a way forward and speed up the finding of a solution to this crisis."

ODM: "It's not our fault the talks have stalled, it's their fault."

PNU: "No, No, you've been pushing and pushing. It's your fault, not ours!"



The International community has threatened 'serious actions' against the country yet again, and Mutula Kilonzo has responded with "This is a Kenyan problem that will be sorted by Kenyans and we do not need to be pressured by anyone on the outside."

He might as well have said "Up yours Condi and friends, we can f*** this up perfectly well on our own without you pushing us thank you."

Personally I have absolutely nothing to add as it has become far too depressing for more words, and on the evening news, they are going with;

"Let's have a big discussion about how horribly, horribly wrong it will all go if the talks fail."

Smashing peeps, thanks for that. Think I might pass and have an early night instead if you don't mind.

Not what you want to hear !

News is that the talks have all but collapsed.

The PNU team turned up at the talks this morning rubbishing everything that had been decided on by the end of last week and they have drafted a completely new proposal as to what they are prepared to give in to and it's almost back to square ONE!

Kofi Annan disolved the meeting and has seperately met both Kibaki and Raila today and has told them that they are the only two people that can sort this out and there is not a lot more he can do!

Shall we start taking those bets on how long it'll be before Mr Annan takes off?

I think we should start talking in hours now rather than days.

ODM has told police to provide security for Thursday morning at 10am in Uhuru Park for a mass gathering, so Thursday could be yet another exciting day.

As for the mayoral elections in Nairobi, the PNU and ODM camps got equal votes, then they both left the City Hall in different directions for meetings as to what they should do next. ODM came back from their meeting first and then jumped in and declared themselves the winner because the other guy had done a runner!

Throughout the country the mayoral elections caused chaos. ODM councillors won seats in the Western, Rift and Coast areas and PNU got the majority of seats in Central province. A few of the provinces didn't finalise their elections as some council meetings fell apart and had to be dispersed by police.

So all in all, another special day in Kenya's history books where bog all gets achieved.

Smashing start to the week wouldn't you say!

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Too much of a good thing ?

The BBC news has reported that a man died in a Swansea nightclub from eating too many fairy cakes . . . . . . .

NOW let that be a warning to all our mediating politicians living it up at the Serena day after day with their breaks every hour to fill up on tea, coffee, biccies and fairy cakes. If they don't sort this crisis soon, one of them will more than likely drop dead from excess fairy cakes !

Don't tell me I didn't warn you now!

P.S. Just heard firing of what sounds like tear gas cannisters. Am assuming that the mayoral elections are therefore about to kick off.

Oh Goody !

Today’s NON news broadcast.

There’s really bugger all to say. The mediation teams broke up early yesterday after the PNU camp turned up late and then the ODM camp walked out as far as I can tell, but it’s OK because Kofi says he still thinks he’s making progress.

That’s lovely dear, thanks for nothing really.

He keeps telling us “They’re making good progress”, and then the truth comes out and ‘good progress’ means they are still talking to each other and not a lot else, or perhaps I have it all wrong, and it just means the coffee was hot at break time, and lunch was a delightful spread.

- Who really knows?

Never mind, Mr Annan, at least you and your lovely wife got a spot of fresh air today and went for a stroll at the Nairobi Animal Orphanage.

When he spoke to the press, Mr Annan said the Orphanage was lovely and very peaceful and perhaps he might bring the mediation team along there with him next time

...... Good thinking Kofi, you could lock them up in the cages and throw away the keys!

I understand ODM issued some kind of statement along the usual lines of ‘Yes, we will have the Prime Minister’s position thank you, but you better make sure it comes with some serious power and that no-one can sack us!’

Kibaki responded with an official message from ‘The Office of the President’ which said ‘Let’s work together as Kenyans’ – but not a sausage about whether they will ever agree or not.

Monday will be yet another exciting day on the Kenyan calendar with mayoral elections taking place. Last time that happened it turned into a full blown fisticuffs fight with chairs and tables flying about the room, so what on earth they have in store for us this time round doesn’t even bear thinking about.

The arguments are already in full flow with ODM claiming that half their nominees were left out, (but they still have their allocated 13 names), and PNU had an allocation of 7 names and apparently have fielded 15 candidates, so there’s a good start!

Today, the Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka continued his Africa tour telling all Presidents in neighbouring countries not to worry about a thing as ‘things in Kenya were just hunky dory’ and ‘normalcy was returning’ ……

Shame he forgot to mention that in Nyeri today, all the civil servants downed tools and went on strike as the new treasurer that has just been transferred to their division is ‘a foreigner’ and they want ‘one of their own’ in that position or they will refuse to go back to work!

Great, and he calls that ‘normalcy’ …..

Personally I’d call it TRIBALISM.

Latest or not.

This just came through on our 'breaking news update' channel here.

"ANNAN: LEGAL working group still fine-tuning PM role, talks to go into the night."

We have been holding our breath all day with Annan's promises for a solution and that is all we have right now.

Think Mr Annan might still be charging the batteries on that light of his in that tunnel he spotted yesterday! Perhaps he's actually just trying his best to completely exhaust them until they give in.

We may have a case of 'Kofi Annan tries sleep torture' on our hands, but that's OK, you go fellow, whatever works, we're all for it!

MmmmMmmmm . . .

I promise to try my best to not breathe out until I am well and truly blue!

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Anyone got a torch ??

According to the latest news out of the BBC - these international chaps seem a damn site more reliable than our local ones with the sellotape over their mouths whilst the media council and ministry for misinformation fight it out about how "free and fair our media is"
.... Ha ! ...... Ha ! ...... Ha!
Oh my god, sorry, just couldn't stop laughing there for a minute.
Sorry, where was I - er, F.R.E.E A.N.D F.A.I.R - er, did I write that really??!!??

Seemed to have strayed from the point which was that the Beeb has just released this;


"Ex-UN chief Kofi Annan has announced considerable progress in talks between Kenya's government and opposition aimed at ending the political crisis.

"I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel," Mr Annan said after negotiators from President Mwai Kibaki's government and the opposition Orange Democratic Movement (ODM) adjourned their talks on Thursday.

The negotiators are expected to report back with a possible final deal to be signed on Friday."

Yup, OK Kofi, we're with you there, Yup, er, sorry, 'light' did you say - Er, no, sorry mate, can't seem to see a damn thing, oh, er, wait, er, here's something else coming through from the Beeb;

"None of the details has been confirmed by Kofi Annan's team, "

Yes, thought so, now it all makes perfect sense. F*** All has really happened, it's just bloody hot, you're fed up with all these idiots shouting at each other and you could do with a damn good swim in that gorgeous pool glistening outside your conference window.

That's OK Kofi, you should have just said so. We're Kenyans - you may think you can pull the wool over our eyes but actually we have dead cool rumourmongering services that can outshine the whole worlds rumours in one and if you don't want to tell us anything honey, that's absolutely fine, because we'll make it all up anyway and by the time you get back to that conference room tomorrow morning, we'll have probably rumoured up a coup or something drastic like that. So you go ahead hun, relax, take it easy, enjoy your swim, and we'll try our best to keep those pangas blood free and matches unlit ......

"Fresh violence breaks out in Mathare slums as homes are burnt and police shoot into the air to try and disperse the crowds whilst one person is known of being hacked to death in the early hours"
Oh, sorry, didn't manage it this morning, but we'll try better this afternoon, honest !

Burning the midnight oil.

After the latest Kibaki vs Raila stand off with Raila saying "if you don't sort it within one week we will hold protests" and Kibaki saying "that is blackmail and we will do nothing outside the current legal constitution, and we will only agree to change the constitution within the year and not immediately", Kofi has slapped some wrists and has got both mediation teams back into a meeting this evening that they say will continue until midnight tonight.

Kofi had a meeting with former President Moi this evening before getting back into the mediation talks and on leaving Moi's house told the press that Kenyans should not lose hope and that he was definitely making some progress.

Er, OK Kofi, if you insist, but it is becoming very difficult to keep faith in these talks when all we hear is negative.

However I'm not sure at this stage we have a choice but to try our best and believe Mr Annan that these people are really going forwards right now.

Think we shouldn't give up on a little praying! The big man upstairs is rapidly becoming our last hope. I think it's perhaps about time he came down here and bashed some hard heads together.

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Is this what Kenyans are reduced to?

Found this picture in one of our local dailies this morning with this caption;

“A man having fun at the Thompson Falls in Nyahururu yesterday. The falls attract many tourists but has in recent weeks recorded low numbers of visitors. The drop has been attributed to post-election violence.”

So there you go folks, just shows there’s bugger all news to report and Kenyans have nothing better to do than practice their levitating skills and hope someone takes a picture and puts it in the paper to waste some space!

Just to prove how far we haven’t got with these discussions, this is a little excerpt taken from the leading story in The Daily Nation newspaper this morning; “Kibaki’s proposals on how to end poll crisis” as how they all stand as of yesterday.

“According to a statement by the Presidential Press Service, the President was willing to work together and share responsibilities in Government with members of the ODM. The President, however, cautioned that any political solution that will be proposed must be in tandem with the current constitution.

………………………….

The Government side, which was expected to table its written proposal of a coalition government in which President Kibaki retained his positions as the Head of Government and Head of State with a readiness to appoint a non-executive Prime Minister, came up with a different suggestion.

They submitted that President Kibaki was declared the winner of the 2007 Presidential elections and sworn in office according to the Constitution and should be recognised by ODM as the legitimate winner of the polls.

...........................................

Now we’re going to have a little challenge.

Who can spot the difference between what is being said as of yesterday and what was being said 6 weeks ago when this row all kicked off and our country was put into this political stalemate?

Anyone who can find a difference deserves a fat reward, (not of course from me, as I, as usual, am totally broke and the 57/= that I have in the bank currently will not get you much further than buying yourself a packet of chewing gum – well perhaps of course not quite a whole packet as that would be 60/= but almost a packet of chewing gum).

But back to the point – what have these negotiating teams actually achieved, and does anyone know if Kofi Annan is perhaps looking for a house to buy so he can settle in Kenya for the next 5 years whilst he sorts this out, as he’s promised not to leave us in the lurch?

I only hope he didn’t have his fingers crossed behind his back when he made that promise.

Summary of Ms Rice's trip.

Well, there we have it .....

Condi came, Condi saw and Condi demanded that this whole mess be sorted yesterday.

The government said 'Nice legs, Condi, but we ain't doing anything that's not in our current constitution.', summed up here nicely in the New York Times, by the delectable Mrs Karua;-

“We will not bow down to dictation,” Martha Karua, the minister of justice and constitutional affairs, said in an interview Monday night, after sitting in on a two-hour meeting between Ms. Rice and President Mwai Kibaki “We can listen to all our friends. We can engage with them. But the decision ultimately will be ours.”

and the ODM camp said; "Lovely hair do, I'll have my wife talk to you for some tips."

Condi replied "If you sort it quickly boys, the US of A will give you lots and lots of cash!", and "Can you please play nicely."

Kibaki said; "Nice legs, but I'm not relinquishing power to anyone honey!"

Raila said; "Stuff this for a laugh, you're just a 'mama' for goodness sake, let me call Gaddafi!"

You'd think listening to all this rubbish that we hadn't got anywhere at all in the past 6 weeks .... "Oh, I see, apparently we haven't!"

Condi's here !

"Tell Martha I can't come to her heaven,

and say Hi to Obama's Granma!"

Go Condi, Go Condi,
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh,
Go Condi, Go Condi,
Ooooh Ooooh Ooooh,

& I shall dance,
& I shall cheer,
& I shall clap,
& I shall breathe deeply,
& I shall use swear words,
& I shall cry,
& I shall drink,
& I shall pass out,
& I shall wake tomorrow,
& say …..

Go Condi, Move along and stop causing trouble!!

(actually she hasn’t said anything yet, so I shall give her the benefit of the doubt that she will honestly achieve anything at all and shall await further press briefings!)

The Chick retreats in Style!

Arrived in the camp and me and the small boy took an evening dip ...

I got a little tired so we retired for the evening ...

... to our tent

Next morning we checked out the local foot spa ...

Then spent the rest of the day on a big cat hunt and came across a two headed cheetah ...

The following day we caught up with some nice arse ...

Then stopped by at duty free on our way back to ...

The airport ...

Sunrise

This is sunrise this morning over stunning African plains teeming with zebra, wildebeast, topi, impala, and thomson's gazelle.



We're only just out of camp and have seen so much it's awesome. We've also seen hyena, silver backed jackals and warthogs with their little aerial tails like radars directing them across the vast plains.



I have donned my best safari hat, and we are now embarking on a wild cat hunt, throughout which we shall endeavour to try to refrain from parking our vehicle in any large mud holes.



Later peeps!





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Just a quickie!

Well at least that got your attention!

Sorry to disappoint but its not a 'behind the bike shed' kind of quickie - actually if it been I would most definitely not be writing this but would be dancing round the camp, but its a quick update to say our great leaders and the once so fab (but I'm slowly going off him) Mr Annan has announced that he's achieved not a bloody lot and he'll give us the details of the 'not a lot' on Tuesday!

Oh goody goody I'm so in suspense . . . NOT

They have said they'll give us a new constitution within one year, but I for one, will not be holding my breath.

My time off in the park is much more exciting can I tell you and the animals are so much more civilised and cooperative than our politicians.

Rumour has it that Adam Wood, the British High Commissioner was around these parts last weekend and no lions ate him. Yet in Nairobi can I tell you he is being chewed right up and spat out. David the doll Miliband said the UK would not recognise Kibaki's government and Adam Wood is marvellous, which as you can imagine went down incredibly well with the cabinet and Martha Karua is spitting nails yet again!

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Mzungu Chick does a David Attenborough

( it is important to put on your best Attenborough accent before you read on!)


And here good people in the middle of the deepest darkest African wilderness we have the most fascinating of all the wild cattle species, the Cape Buffalo.

Notice how he is surrounded by incredible white birds. Known as cattle egrets, these birds are incredibly . . Er . . White and bird like. Watch how the buffalo stares right at us with his "I'm going to fuck you up" eyes, and so therefore it is with much haste we shall depart this great beast and leave him to his birds!

Oh bollocks, it seems good people we are firmly stuck in the mud!

Help, get me out of here, I'm a bloody celebrity for goodness sake!

By the way chaps if you're wondering what's happening with Kofi and his warring chums, word on the street (or in the park anyway) is they're back in Nairobi and will make some kind of statement on what the plan is this morning.

But you probably know more than me anyway, and I've got other more pressing things to deal with like how the hell we're going to get out of this mud hole as I really feel eggs and bacon beckoning and being stuck in this mud is not doing my street cred any good at all can I tell you!

. . . . . Oooh, where'd that buffalo go!

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I thought I'd do a Kofi on you!

Seeing as the delightful Mr Annan has told us to have a news blackout for the next 48 to 72 hours on what on earth is going on with our mediation and all, I thought I should oblige, but you know me, I just can't seem to keep my big gob shut so here I am anyway blathering on as usual.

What I love about Kenyans is we so can't keep a secret. We were having bets yesterday in the office of how long it would take us to find out the "secret location" of the retreat where all the mediators have retired to because it isn't possible to keep anything quiet round these parts let me tell you!

Well, I think they did well considering. We only got the news yesterday evening through a friend's friend's friend's colleague - you know how it is - that they're at a very nice little lodge in Tsavo West. I'll say no more - and if you work it out for yourselves, "I know absolutely nothing!", and you never heard it from me.


Who? Where? What are you on about?

You know how I think Mr Annan's such a doll and I shall not betray him further! But can I just say that does it really matter where they are holed up anyway as surely no-one is allowed in at all and the telephones are probably down anyway, I mean this is Kenya for goodness sake!

And another thing, they'd better sort it before they step foot back into town or I'll change my mind on that Mr Annan and I shall not be volunteering to have his babies after all!

Enough of that gossiping now, let's talk about something far more interesting. Let's talk about ME!

I have taken a few days off work, seeing as it's half term and all and I shall be flying out to a secret retreat all of my own tomorrow, not sadly with a sweetheart on my arm for Vaseline's day, but with my small boy and my camera. I will be sure to take lots and lots of fab pictures of where I am and then post them over here so that you will all be incredibly jealous and drool a lot and I will once again put your faith back into our beautiful home, insist you all book flights and I shall personally organise your itineraries forthwith!

Catch you tomorrow from my 'secret' destination.

Today I shall ignore the fact I live in a F***ed Up country!

I'm soooooo excited, I have decided to ignore the fact that we haven't a bloody clue what's going on in our governement, but shall take comfort in the fact that the violence has at least died down now.

Now, will you look at this! Belle of Diary of a Housewife has awarded me ........
Ta Da !


I think the last thing I was ever awarded was a detention in biology lesson for asking far too many questions about the reproductive systems of ants, so, as you can imagine, this is sooooooo much more appreciated .

(And by the way, I am still confused about the ant thing if anyone out there would care to enlighten me. I mean how come there's so bloody many of them. If you spill just one grain of sugar on the counter and turn around for a second, they just appear from nowhere and not just the one but an entire family of a hundred and one!! - and dare you not clean it up immediately and perhaps leave that grain of sugar just sitting there and come back later, you can be sure to come home and the ant community will have moved in and had you evicted !)

Anyway enough of ants.

This award came with some instructions as follows;
I love being a part of the blogging community and part of all the friendships that I've formed so I wanted to give a blog award for all of you out there that have Excellent Blogs. By accepting this Excellent Blog Award, you have to award it to 10 more people whose blogs you find Excellent Award worthy. You can give it to as many people as you want but please award at least 10.

But i have to admit here, I never was great at following instructions so do forgive me if I f*** it up! I can see you all looking at me with those green eyes of sheer envy but you know how it is - lurkers shall not be rewarded - only those super fab people who comment and say super fab things about how super fab I am - you know who you are people and for you I shall do a little trick that I've been practising for ages:



Love it don't ya!! He He ! And to show my appreciation I shall award the following most excellent blogs this gorgeous most excellent blog award for making my day daily; (besides of course Belle who has already made my week in fact!)

Gorilla Bananas
Primal Sneeze
Missy M
Reluctant Memsahib
Swearing Mother
Single Mother on the Verge
Expat Mum
Drunk Mummy (Please come back, all is forgiven !)
Aims
Harry Hutton

and anyone else who feels they are damn deserving of such a super fab award and can of course do a smashing jig to prove it! (By the way, if you already have this super award, please just accept my thanks instead for making me laugh, cry or at least live through to tomorrow in anticipation!)

Kofi Annan statement

Kofi Annan has just issued a statement to the press in which he has invited both sides of the negotiating teams plus the mediation team to convene outside Nairobi for the next 48 to 72 hours and he is requesting that they have a complete news blackout on these discussions.

Not sure if I really understand that one myself but that's what has just been announced on the news.

Will see if we get any more clarification in the morning.

Right now I'm too tired to think about it as were told half an hour ago that parliament was going to convene tomorrow with the mediation teams to discuss which way forward so I'm not sure about you but personally I'm a little confused!

But hey what's new?!?

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Oh, For F***’s Sake !

Sorry for the outburst here but it’s all I could say to sum up the weekend’s news.
Listen to this;

FRIDAY 8th FEBRUARY

Deal will create joint government in Kenya

Kenya's ruling party and opposition have agreed to form a power-sharing government in an effort to end weeks of bloodshed that have engulfed the country since a deeply flawed election, an opposition lawmaker said Friday.

Former U.N. leader Kofi Annan will lead the talks to forge a unified government in Kenya.

The two sides were still discussing who would lead the government and what roles each party would play, said William Ruto, a lawmaker from the opposition Orange Democratic Movement.

"We have finally agreed that there is a problem in the country and neither side can proceed on its own," Ruto said. "We have agreed to form a joint government. Details of that government, its time and how to share it are under discussions."

Ok, so then we went “Woo Hoo” and did a little jolly jig about the room, but then;

SATURDAY 9th FEBRUARY

Don’t rush into power sharing, Kalonzo warns

Vice-President Kalonzo Musyoka has said the government was committed to the ongoing dialogue, but warned against rushing into a power-sharing agreement.

Mr Musyoka, who was speaking in Nairobi after arriving from a four-day visit to the US and Britain, said that a power-sharing agreement may not necessarily deal with the causes of the current crisis.

The VP asserted that the government is negotiating in good faith, but added that the political solution being sought must address issues such as who really won the election, and may also need to provide a legal solution.

So the jig slowed and we went “Eh, er, what on earth does he mean?”, and then Sunday’s paper’s came out and we had;

SUNDAY 10th FEBRUARY

We will stop at nothing but the presidency, says Pentagon

ODM has reaffirmed its commitment to the ongoing mediation but declared it would go for nothing short of the presidency.

Party leader, Mr Raila Odinga, led 43 MPs in stating they would not relent in efforts to capture the presidency, which was allegedly stolen from them.

Speaking during the burial of the slain former Ainamoi MP, David Kimutai Too, in Kericho District, on Saturday, the MPs reiterated their commitment to the mediation talks.

They also said they would not betray the trust Kenyans have entrusted on them.

"We have accepted to talk with PNU but we assure our supporters we will not settle for a solution that betrays their cause," Raila said.

He said ODM was aware that millions of Kenyans who voted for him and the party MPs would not accept to be short-changed by PNU in the talks.

Raila also urged Kenyans to give Mr Kofi Annan’s team a chance to resolve the political crisis.
He added that Kibaki and other PNU leaders were resisting pressure to relinquish power which, he said, they acquired illegally.

"If Kenyans managed to successfully fight the British Empire and freed the country from the colonial yoke, Kibaki and his foot soldiers will be defeated and when all is settled, this whole thing will look like a storm in a tea cup," he said.

Raila also said normalcy would not return unless justice was done, adding that mediation efforts should be based on peace and justice.

Ruto said nothing would stop ODM and its followers from getting justice.

"Change comes through struggle and ODM supporters should not relent in their fight for their deserved victory," said the Eldoret North MP.

He said they adequately represented ODM supporters at the Kofi Annan-led mediation talks. He assured that the party would have a say in the final decision.

But, but, but, I'm sorry are these the same people talking here? Did I completely miss a memo somewhere that says "Say one thing to the press and another to Mr Annan, and things will be marvellous and squishy and don't worry about a thing, we are so sorting it here!"

Do we look like complete morons ?

I'm afraid I'm going to have to stick with my hero Mr Annan and ignore the bloody lot of them until someone says something that might just be put into writing and might actually be taken seriously! Until then I'm going to put my dark glasses on, read nothing, put my fingers in my ears and go "LA LA LA LA" really really loud!

Of course with my big mouth, I couldn't possibly say nothing.

In fact just to start off with the "La, La, La" stories, I've got a good one for you;

You remember the fellow Imanyara who got into a spot of bother with the dear lady Lucy Kibaki, who by the way, did not shoot her son Jimmy in the foot - apparently - Mmm, OK Jimmy, that's cool.

Well, according the Meru elders from Immanyara's tribe, who held a bit of a pow wow over the whole thing, they have asked that Immanyara hold off from his court case for the minute and let the elders deal with the nonsense in their tribal traditions.

Well that means, they are going to call on Mr. Kibaki at State House and demand that he pays them one goat for not controlling his missus. In their tradition, it is very 'unbecoming' of a woman to be going round throwing punches - whether they land or not, they add - and it is up to the husband of said woman to pay the consequences, therefore they would like Mr. Kibaki to hand over one goat forthwith! If he refuses to see the elders or to hand over said goat, then apparently Immanyara is free to go ahead with his court case with the full permission of the Meru elders!

Good luck with the goat Lucy ! He He !

I suppose we can't have everything.

Today in Kenya there is some good news and some not so good filling our media.

Listening to the news updates, we are definitely going in the right direction I think with regards to the mediation talks and a little 'Whoop' may not be out of place just now - but perhaps a quiet one, in case all those little chicks don't hatch as hoped.

Mr. Annan says that the media shouldn't conjure up any rumours and the ups and downs seen by all of the parties - one day shaking hands and the next spitting, is all 'mood swings' that are 'totally normal' in negotiations and we really shouldn't speculate over what we are seeing, but must all wait to hear what we are told and not listen to 'leaks'.

So there, that's told us hey! Kofi Annan should have been born a woman I reckon - he's so au fait with mood swings and one minute everyone's speaking and the next not. He's so not cut out to be a bloke - he actually 'understands' all these ununderstandables. If he wasn't quite so old and grey, I may have even offered to have his children, he's so fab! Mind you, saying that, I think that continuously cool, calm demeanour may do me in in the end - I mean I like a little bit of spunk in a man, and he's distinctly lacking that, but he is doing such a marvellous job with these stubborn thugs of ours,

I just can't help but admire the man, and think I may just have to slot him right up there with my heroes along with Indiana Jones and Darth Vader!

Meanwhile, in some parts of Kenya there are some militia groups that have taken to telling women what to wear can you believe. It turns out that low cut tops, mini-skirts and trousers are no longer to be worn by ladies in the areas around Nakuru, Naivasha and Limuru, and any women caught wearing such things have been known to be stripped naked in the streets and robbed and beaten.

It is absolutely ridiculous. I totally agree that there may be perhaps some people (especially those regularly on our screens such as young Britney here), really should have a better dress sense as lumpy legs are not really the most attractive things to look at on a sunny Saturday afternoon but come on, we do not live in the dark ages.

Lucy Oriang' from the Daily Nation summed it up well I thought in her commentary with this;

"Nothing can be more immoral than killing a human being just because they belong to a different community.

Isn't it ironical that the very same people who have blood on their hands should take the moral high ground over what women choose to wear?"

Must have accessory for all politicians !

Essential bit of kit for all Kenyan politicians to check out their care factor for the week.






Nope, didn't think so...
Still don't give a f….!

OMG !

Just watched Swahili news to see if there was anything more concrete from anyone with regards to the mediation, and guess what . . .

There isn't!

But what I did see which was incedibly disturbing, is that just today there are houses here in the centre of Nairobi in a place called Upper Hill and another place known as High Rise (and probably others we haven't heard of as yet), that have had ticks and crosses painted onto the frames of the doors of their houses.

This is what happened in other areas in Kenya where there has been ethnic cleansing of certain tribes and can you believe its now reared its ugly head here in the centre of supposedly safely policed areas in Nairobi.

This does not bode well no matter how far they've got or not in their talks.

How can these politicians sleep at night knowing these people with crosses on their doors may be chased from their homes or worse in the middle of the night just for being in the 'wrong' tribe even still today?

You can be damn sure those poor people living in those flats will not be sleeping for some time.



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Breakthrough perhaps?

I have this from Reuters;

Kenya parties see progress but no final deal

- Negotiators for Kenyan President Mwai Kibaki and opposition leader Raila Odinga said on Friday talks to resolve their dispute over President Mwai Kibaki's re-election had moved forward but not reached a final deal."I don't think it's really going to be a breakthrough, but rather an agreement of principles," a senior government official told Reuters.An opposition leader, William Ruto, said: "There is positive news, but no final solution yet."Ruto denied earlier media speculation the two sides had agreed to share power in a government of national unity, saying: "I don't think so. That is not the case."Sources on both sides said they would not divulge details of the talks' progress, but that mediator and former U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan would announce more at a news conference.


And then this from our Kenyan Nation Media

ANNAN MEETS Kibaki and Raila, tells Press 'we have reached far on the political issues but wait for details early next week'.



So what's all that about then? Leave us panting why don't you, and take the weekend off AGAIN !

Argh !

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It’s Friday at last, but is that a good thing?

WELL, seeing as it is Furihday and all, I thought I should start us all off with a quip to get us into the relaxed ‘Members Day’ mood, so here goes;

17. What do Kenyan Members of Parliament and Amy Winehouse have in common?

1. They have both been denied visas from the US of A.

He He ! Well, that'll put paid to our MP’s singing at the 'Grammy's' too wouldn't you say. (Actually I bet they never thought they could get that close to the ‘entertainment’ pages of any International paper. Mind you – perhaps some should change profession and go into theatre with some of the acting, singing and dancing going on at the moment!)

News out of Kenya this Friday the 8^th February 2008 is not really what we expected back in December 2007 as we approached our general election, but here we are somehow and we still seem some way from a solution.

Front pages of our dailies today ……

The Standard: AGREE OR ELSE ……….

The Daily Nation: RIFT OVER RESULTS WIDENS AS UN WARNS LEADERS …..

So, yet another week goes by and what has Kenya achieved….

Mmmmm, Errr, Hmmm, Ahhh ……. MMMm.

Just read that Britain is a true Prozac Nation. I think perhaps Kenya should become a 'Prozac nation' too, then perhaps things wouldn’t seem so bad, days would turn happily to weeks, and no-one would really worry too much about anything.

Mmmm ...

The future of Kenya sits on Kofi Annan's shoulders.

It all looks fairly worrying for Mr Annan I'm afraid. This is the front page headline in one of our local dailies today, The Standard, plus a small extract from the article;


"Disputed election too hot for rivals to handle

Finally, the hotly disputed presidential votes tally, responsible for the post-election falling out which touched off mayhem on a scale never witnessed before in independent Kenya, found its way to the mediation talks table.

They began on the presidential election dispute by looking at the state of affairs now and how to resolve the problem. Proper talks, however, begin today.

Like hot bricks, ODM is said to have dropped the matter of the allegedly stolen presidential election complete with alleged evidence and a raft of demands for electoral reforms.

Sources also intimated that the issue of a transitional government briefly featured, forcing an immediate stalemate.

For the first time, the two teams ate lunch separately."

Now ask me how I'm feeling today after reading this? ...
No, you're right - don't bother. I think I am beyond depression and just feel numb with despair.

Absolutely everyone is already talking about Annan's mediation in a way that sounds like they're giving up hope that it will work on the one hand, and on the other they all seem to be saying If Annan gives up or leaves us now, there will be outright civil war here in Kenya.

Old Kofi was looked incredibly stressed when I saw him being interviewed by the press last night, but I'm not surprised. The whole world's eyes are firmly focused on him now, and have rested the future of Kenya on his shoulders. I bet he wishes he stayed in his bed with that flu after all and hadn't bothered to come here in the first place.

Now he has got into talking about the real reason they are all there - the disputed election - all the parties sitting around the table have turned from pussy cats into raging bulls and there seems that there will be no let up by either side.

Outside of the talks the government is pretending everything is just 'hunky dory' and obviously feel if they can keep the pretense on for long enough, the rest of Kenya will be bored of it all and just give up and leave Kibaki be. Personally I think this would be a huge mistake for Kenya and its democracy. I don't believe in taking sides but I do believe that everyone has a right to be heard and curretnly the government (who cannot give security to anyone at all in Kenya right now) is not listening to anyone and for that they are wrong. I am not saying they must agree or disagree but they must at least give people a chance and these fake talks are just that - fake.

I think Raila is right when he says that the government, and especially Kibaki, is not taking these talks seriously at all, and I think the government is just partaking in order to pacify us Kenyans. But really, does he think we do not have brains and cannot think for ourselves. I do understand Kenyans are tired of fighting and are so keen to have this whole situation resolved but can that ever happen now with all the hate stirred up to such an extent.

I read something recently that said that perhaps Kenyans had always harboured this hatred and it just took this spark to ignite it all. I think they are right to a small extent as the majority of Kenyans had always had different feelings towards different tribes but I'm not sure that 'hatred' is the right word. It is just like in Great Britain where you have the Irish, Scottish, Welsh and English, but does it mean that absolutely hate each other - even though they have some cracking jokes against one another. However, it wasn't that long ago that they were battling so perhaps we are not so incredibly 'backward' as the first world likes to think. Don't forget we are behind in most of the education, technology, etc that the first world has to offer, but isn't that the whole point here - do Kenyans not also deserve to find a way to get to that same place? And is not the key to that place DEMOCRACY?

I would love to hear others views on this. I don't need a bunch of 'hate speech' because I shall most definitely delete it, but I would like to know what people really think of these discussions and who do we really want as our President right now. Is it still Raila or Kibaki, or perhaps Kofi Annan would be a better bet as he's completely impartial. Perhaps another Kenyan such as Marende - the speaker for parliament - who although he was an ODM MP, from what little I have seen of him since he was voted in as speaker, he did seem to speak as the independant that he has been supposedly voted in to be - but is he really? I don't know. What do you think?

If I get a lot of responses to this BIG question - I might set up a forum to which we can all contribute - or is there one already set up somewhere to which we can all be directed? I really think intelligent opinions of what Kenyans, or anyone else with a genuine interest in what happens to Kenya, really think could perhaps be forwarded to the mediators in case Mr Annan does bail on us, or just because I think they should perhaps know what the 'real' Kenyan thinks, not just the big wigs and the 'bags of money' CEO's with big business interests who, don't ever forget, will always have an alternative place to go and live, unlike the rest of us who have no choice but to stay in this our beloved home country of Kenya, and want to live once again in a land of peace and unity without fear.

It's time to look beyond Kenya today ....

Here is a small sample of our local daily headlines;

"Residents distress cry as blood spills on the mountain side"
"Road blocks manned by murderous gangs"
"More property burnt in border chaos"
"Food shortages as fleeing families crowd camps"
"Militia rules Mt Elgon"
"Man killed in attack raid at trading centre"
"Kenya Red Cross say more than 1,000 people killed in post-election crisis"


- and sadly, this has been the same for the last one month, but then I logged onto the BBC website to see if perhpas they may have cheerier news across the seas and boy do they .....
Well, well, look at this ;


High heels 'may improve sex life'
Wearing higher heels - may improve your pelvic floor muscles and in doing so boost your sex life, a study suggests.


and .......

Pelvic floor exercises 'help men too'

Pelvic floor exercises have long been recommended for women - now researchers say they could help men too.

The exercises were found to help men with erectile dysfunction as much as taking in Viagra.

Well people how terrific is that? Best we get the Honorable Mwai Kibaki and his rival, the Honorable Raila Odinga into a pair of high heels sharpish as they always say a distinct lack of sex makes men incredibly grumpy, so this must surely be the key. Boost their sex lives and then they will become much more agreeable.

I'll just nip down to the Nairobi Serena Hotel and let Mr Annan know that they should all be tarting round in heels, get themselves a little more sex, a little less viagra, and we could all live happily ever after.

Oh yes, yes, yes, I am so excited - i'm off to choose for them .......





Now I think Kibaki will look fab in these.












And these will go perfectly with Raila's ODM colours don't you think ........

We have a small light!

It seems finally there is a very small light at the end of an extremely dark tunnel.

The government have finally lifted the live media ban as, according to the 'Honorable' Saitoti, who is the Internal Security Minister, there is "increased security" in the country now!

Not sure if too many people are getting the full advantage of this "increased security" but hey whatever rocks his boat we say, at least he's lifted the ban so let's not complain here.

Another little bit of news to put a small smile on your faces.

Imanyara has come out to confirm the rumours of his run in with the 'first lady' Lucy Kibaki. He said he was pulled out of a meeting at State House with Kibaki and around 20 other ministers, including Musyoka and Saitoti apparently, and had obscenities hurled at him by an 'inappropriately' dressed Lucy who then started flinging punches until he grabbed her arms and restrained her! He was then apparently escorted from the premises by State House security!

Must say I'd love to know what the woman was wearing to be deemed 'inappropriately' dressed. Do you think she was in her silk pyjamas perhaps, or knowing her, a flattering pair of hot pants!?!

Mr Imanyara says he will sue Mrs Kibaki for assault and Mrs Kibaki (Lucy, she's such a doll), is going to countersue for character assassination!

That'll be a fab day in court if it ever gets there. I think we should start booking our seats for that session now. He He.


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The whole of Kenya sits in despair

I sit here in my office trying desperately hard to focus on the computer screen through watery eyes and a pounding head.

Turns out I’ve got a touch of flu – not the 'Man Flu’ kind that would have me huddling under my duvet sipping hot tea, but the ‘Womanly’ type which means I’ve taken some dawa (medicine to the rest of you), and am sipping lemon and honey tea at my desk during my lunch hour, after dropping my son at school, accomplishing a full mornings work, and and all the rest of my single working mother duties. (Eat your heart out Kofi !)

Sadly there is no news from our end. All is quiet outside. (By the way, when I say ‘quiet’, I mean no gunshots or marauding protesters). We have heard nothing on the local news apart from in Eldoret where the hospitals are now paralysed as the majority of the doctors and nurses have fled for their own safety and the few remaining staff are totally overwhelmed and unable to cope. I’m sure this scene is consistent throughout most of the Rift Valley and Western Kenya by now.

The local media is full of ‘ancestral homes‘ and ‘ethnic origins’ and the words ‘tribe’, ‘tribal’ and ‘tribalism’ seem to have been banned from the pages under the suspicions of inciting violence.

The international media seems to think that the Kikuyu’s – Kibaki’s tribe – are the main victims in all of this but I’m afraid people they are very wrong, ALL Kenyans are the victims.

In the central provinces (which is Kibaki strongholds), they've hardly had a mention, as things seem to be fairly calm there and there seems to be less murder and burning of property as in other areas, but there is still ethnic cleansing going on. All non-Kikuyu’s have been driven out of their homes in fear and are living in police station compounds all over Central Kenya, and those that try desperately hard to stay on in their homes and ignore the threats cannot survive as everyone boycotts their business and refuses to sell them food to eat, so they have no choice but to join the others in the camps.

So even without the horrific violence, there are many thousands of other Kenyans just living with threats hanging over their heads, and looking around the Western regions and seeing the death and destruction, can they even dream of trying to ‘hang in there’ when those are the same threats they are faced with?

If Kibaki’s government is really a legitimate government in all this, why is not protecting Kenyans? He seems to be doing fine in State House there, with his god knows how many fenced and guarded acres of land around him but what of the 36 Million + other people living in this country, can we really say we feel safe in our houses at night – that is of course if we are still lucky enough to have a roof over our head. What is this government exactly doing for us? It certainly does not seem to be protecting its citizens in any form at all and why is it now being seen as biased towards certain tribes, er sorry, “ethnic origins” is what I meant ( – we’ve gone off the word ‘tribe’ remember!)

Depending which district the police are operating in depends on how much force they are willing to use (translate that as how many live rounds they should fire directly at the people). But this has become a Catch 22 situtation as now the police have actually become targets in certain areas of the country, especially after the MP Mr Too was killed by a policeman after being involved in a tragic ‘love triangle’.

Now that the police have lost control, our country is being ruled entirely by gangs and gang culture is the only thing keeping half the wanainchi alive ironically.

You pay some thug to guarantee your safety from the main road where the bus drops you off up to your house. You pay another thug so that you can sleep through the night knowing your home won’t be torched before morning. You pay again whilst you go to work to make sure your house is safe from looters ‘shopping’ throughout the day, and you even pay an excess on your bus fare as the buses coming into your area of town have to pay a toll to gangs of thugs at makeshift roadblocks and so therefore the bus drivers pass that cost onto you.

I certainly do not wish to come across as partial to one party or the other, I just want to make a point that a lot of the international press are missing that it is not only the people in the Rift Valley and Western Kenya that are suffering through all this, every single Kenyans life is in torment in some form or another.

But is this really a life – or is this just some kind of sick existence ?

And here's a slight update I have just been sent through my SMS right now from Nation Media: South Africa's RAMAPHOSA withdraws from Annan team after Government side rejects him.

- so there's a smashing start to our week then!

Perhaps it's all a conspiracy theory after all...

Nothing makes sense any more. The leaders are talking, (well when it's not the weekend of course, or time for tea or lunch, or any other excuse from breaking up the meeting of telling lies to each other just to keep Mr. Annan happy), and yet it seems, we are really going nowhere fast.

The media reported on Friday; "Annan Team pledges end to violence in 7 days", but by today, they've gone back to "Ethnic clashes are continuing in Western Kenya, where tribal rivalry has stoked mob attacks, even after the country's opposing political forces reached an agreement", and "Kenya's Rift Valley burns despite talks of peace", and "Militiamen armed with clubs, sharpened sticks and machetes patrolled roads in Kenya's Rift Valley on Sunday, while scores of people fled."

So in a gallant effort to steer myself away from the continuously depressing local news I did a bit of surfing of the web, and much to my delight, actually came across a theory that looks quite plausible to our very own crisis at home.


"According to BBC Reporter David Icke, reptilian humanoids are the force behind a worldwide conspiracy directed at manipulation and control of humanity. He contends that most of the world's leaders, from William Jefferson Clinton, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Barack Obama and George W. Bush to members of the British royal family, are in fact related to the 7-foot (2.1 m) tall, blood-drinking reptilians from the star system Alpha Draconis.

According to an interview with David Icke, Christine Fitzgerald, a confidante of the late Diana, Princess of Wales, claims that Diana told her that the Royal Family were reptilian aliens, and that they could shapeshift. David Icke and others have claimed that U.S. President George W. Bush and his family are part of this same bloodline. "

Well, of course, that's it!

Turns out our very own Mr. Kibaki and Mr. Odinga are probably just reptilian beings from some star-system or other and keep shapeshifting from nice guy politicians to machete wielding marauding gangsters in their spare time in order to take over the minds and bodies of all Kenyans and ship them back to the planet NARC.

That would make perfect sense of splitting all the ethnic groups up and transporting them into IDP camps, so they'll be easier to pick up en masse. And then once the two aliens have completely destroyed our beautiful country, trashed its economy and ostracised all of its people, they can ship in a bunch of jolly green giants and they'd all live happily ever after in the battered, burnt out lunar landscape that will be all that is left behind if we keep this up.

Sorry about all this. I think all the stress and complete unknown of what on earth to expect tomorrow is catching up with me and I am slowly, but very surely, losing what little sanity I had left to lose. I do hope there's at least a spare space at Mathare Mental Hospital for me - I don't mind sharing a bed if I have to.

The 4 point peace plan according to Mr Annan

Before I start my post today will all those reading this, please place their tongues firmly in their cheeks before I begin (or you just won’t get my points, and I could get arrested!)

Well Kofi Annan did his bit of mediation yesterday with the ‘Big 6’ (3 from each sides of the opposition), and said that they had an agreed an AGENDA !

Whoopee and well done boys (and girls). That’s only taken you the best part of this week – best you take the weekend off don’t you think – Oh you will, OK then don’t mind us whilst everyone gets on with a spot of lynching, shooting, hacking, looting and burning then!

Funnily enough, that is what’s been going on for most of our Saturday in and around Western Kenya. So far I’ve heard of at least four killed and hundreds of homes burnt up in the Western areas around Eldoret and Kericho, and yet another few hundred people are now displaced.

So how exactly has Mr Annan helped us so far?

Well, it seems the agenda is a four-point plan (or a 44 point plan if you listen to the latest media reports, but I'll go with the 4),with short-term and long-term issues that need to be sorted. The short term ones are;

First is to take ‘immediate action’ to stop the violence and restore fundamental rights and liberties – these include the right to life (which is always a bit of a bonus), the freedom of the press in their reporting of events (which would be nice as perhaps less rumour mongering would be in order), and the right of assembly (which may mean we’re in for a spot more rallying which will be smashing – literally probably!)
But here’s the first catch. I never realised ‘immediate action’ would mean, well lets have the weekend and a bit of time out seeing as we worked for a whole 10 hours yesterday so we need at least 48 off for good behaviour, and we’ll return Monday after both parties have battered each other with more abuse and more innocent Kenyans are robbed and killed, and then we can settle down with a cup of coffee and get back to business.

Secondly is ‘immediate measures’ – of course you know what they mean by ‘immediate’, it’s as explained above – is to address the humanitarian crisis. Of course, those IDPs (internally displaced people for those of you new to this humanitarian speak, which I was actually before the beginning of January 2008!), can just starve a little longer whilst the Red Cross struggles with security on the roads trying their damndest to help to feed, clothe and give these people shelter. But not to worry, as we highlighted earlier, we’ll be back to the cozy boardroom in the Serena Hotel with our coffee and biscuits working on that, first thing Monday.

Thirdly on the four-point agenda is how to overcome the political crisis.

Ah, now this one could be slightly trickier seeing as Kibaki has just told the African Union conference that basically Raila can ‘get stuffed’ if he thinks he’s going to get any kind of justice with regards to the election because of course Kibaki says that he won fair and square and if Raila has an issue with that, then best he gets himself down to those law courts and have that smashing bunch of chaps that he personally appointed as judges, sort it out.

And the last agenda point concerned long term issues such as unemployment, poverty and land reforms.

The mediation team (or ‘facilitation’ team as Kibaki insists it is), have all assured us that the first three points in this agenda will be resolved between 7 and 15 days from the start of the dialogue on January 28th. So seeing as we’ve had lots of time off and now a bit of a weekend, in my book we are supposed to be looking at things being sorted starting Monday the 4th February (which already looks completely unlikely as they will only just be getting stuck back into the coffee and biccies by then back in the boardroom), and Monday 11th February.

– so perhaps they best they stop faffing about and get on with it wouldn’t you say?!?!?!

Now Showing ! (unsuitable for developed countries)

Cartoon from The Standard this morning.

Gossip, Rumour and Assumption

Kenyans are excellent when it comes to a spot of rumour mongering and gossip. You can always tell it's going to be a great Kenyan story as soon as it starts out with;

"You know, I don't like gossiping, but ......... Weellllll, Have you heard?",
and that's it, you know you're going to be all ears, you just can't seem to help yourself.

Well, when the story broke yesterday of the second MP from the Opposition party being shot dead not even 48 hours after coming to terms with the fact that the first MP, Were was shot, that was it, Kenyan's were off speculating before the sentence of "Did you hear?" was even finished, and from the comments I was left on my last post, we were all at it.

But here's the thing - Yes, we will all agree with the one comment saying that 99% of our MP's seem to have a zipper malfunction with their trousers and just can't seem to keep it up (the zip that is, now - stop it !)

We all know that 99% of Kenyan MP's (and a good majority of all Kenyan men in fact) are really quite partial to a bit of take-away (or a 'bit on the side' as they call it overseas), but I'm with the majority on this one that seem to point to the fact that it was 'Oh so convenient', that our friend Mr. Kimutai Too just happened to be cruising town with a spot of take-away, - that happened to be a lady cop – (I assume on duty, as she was in uniform, and was armed), a relative of his, and the fact that our very own police Commissioner, Major General Hussein Ali was so quick and forthcoming with a total explanation of what exactly happened in great detail without conducting any apparent investigations, and all within a just a few hours of it actually happening, it’s all extremely odd to say the least.

In the paper this morning we’ve had some superb reasons as to why Mr. Too had the lady policeman in his car;

“they were driving to the nearest hotel” – but obviously were totally lost as apparently there are no hotels anywhere near the area where they were shot

“the MP was teaching the woman how to drive” – er, most definitely why we vote our MP’s in – to teach the police how to drive – Gosh, of course, how silly of me not to have known that. In fact, next time, let’s just vote for the AA

“the MP was off to view a plot of land” – the only one that is perhaps vaguely plausible.

Other details that don’t seem to add up though in my book are –

Why was the policeman who committed the crime said to be one minute “known but on the run”, then an hour later he had “turned himself in”, then last night “he was caught up with in the next town and arrested”. Does anyone know anything about his arrest at all, how it came about and at what time of the day?

Then, once the police had the suspect in custody, he was “flown to Nairobi from Eldoret” and not kept in a cell in Eldoret so that he could be charged there. But why? Surely the cells in Eldoret are also lockable and the courts there seem to be dealing fine with charging the people they have caught so far to do with the rioting, etc.

The policeman's family were evacuated from their house within an hour of the shooting incident when a taxi came to collect them and took them away with a police escort to an unknown destination. Mmmm, ok, so why would the police assume his family was in danger if it really was just a 'love triangle' - surely we'd feel sorry for the woman?

The thing that really gets me after all this is the fact that the police, government and anyone else who has ‘assumed’ authority at the moment in this great country of ours, seems intent on pulling the wool over the eyes of all Kenyans.

I really wish Mr. Annan could just sort out this honesty issue first – then every other issue would surely fall into place.

Perhaps all MP’s, Presidents, Police Commissioners and anyone else with a bit of power in their hands should walk around with a lie detector strapped to them so that anytime they opened their mouth and total lies emerged, they’d get themselves electrocuted or perhaps kicked in the arse (both in fact would be good for me), and once their hair sticks straight up on end with all the electricity charged through it and their bums well and truly hurt from all the kicking,

THEN perhaps we may get somewhere – peace may be a possibility – and Mr. Annan can return to his lovely wife and children (I’m assuming here he does have some of those), and Kenyans can live happily ever after.