Cleavage

Well as anyone who has any access to any form of international news right now will know, we are having a spot of bother our end after the announcement of the Presidential results yesterday and the immediate refusal of the opposition to agree with the decision due to accusations of rigging. The police are shooting anyone on site who looks like they are causing trouble and latest figures quoted show at least 125 dead, (and I’m sure that’s a very low estimate and it’s probably a lot more by now).

This morning a few shops opened and a couple of petrol stations and everyone rushed in and was panic buying fuel, food and other necessities before they shot back to the safety of their homes. Basically it is like living in a ‘State of Emergency’ and we are all catching cabin fever after being holed up in our homes waiting to see what happens next really and it’s all getting a little tedious.

So I thought I’d cheer myself up in blogsville and completely change the subject, and the subject is …. much to most men’s approval I’m sure … Cleavage!

Now here’s the thing, I’m not generally one to wear girlie clothes and tight tops and suchlike and not usually my thing. However once a year at Christmas I generally don a bit of a skirt and top (not necessarily tight I might add!) for the one day of the year.

Well, I really wouldn’t have said that I had on anything half as revealing as most of my mates wear on an everyday basis, but it seemed it was such a shock to everyone who knows me (as usually I look like something out of convent school obviously), that I got some very strange reactions.

It was quite an interesting experience, all the men I met on Christmas day had a direct conversation with my boobs – totally forgetting that perhaps they won’t actually talk back and it is in fact my face that speaks, but funnily enough it didn’t seem to bother them at all – the men that is – not my boobs!

All the women I came across had a stranger reaction – again speaking generally to the boobs but meanwhile rearranging their own.

I couldn’t really work out if this was a jealously thing, that they were worried that their cleavage wasn’t looking as large and therefore needed to be constantly rearranged to see if they could perhaps get a little more lift out of it, or it was the fact mine was perhaps hanging out a little too far and they were just checking theirs wasn’t too!

It was really quite an unsettling day can I say and I’d just like to know from the couple of you who read this drivel what your opinions are ……

Now I found this picture on the web and it is not dissimilar to what I probably had on display for Christmas – if you had the right angle – although perhaps I don’t think mine were quite as squashed together or as large or as uncovered either – but this is the cleavage up for discussion here, (as I don’t dare show the real thing for fear of chasing away the few regular readers in horror!)

Now would you have a conversation with the boobs or would you think – ‘Wonder what the face looks like?’ or ‘Who cares about the face and what it has to say for itself I’ll just have a long conversation with these babies’ or perhaps you’re the really decent type and would of course immediately think, ‘Gosh, what a pretty necklace she’s wearing!’ ??

And, if you’re a girl, will you, on seeing this spot of cleavage staring at you, start rearranging your top or is that a strange phenomenon with women about these parts?

..... And while you ponder a while on this cleavage, can I just wish you all a very happy and peaceful 2008!

Breaking News: Kibaki Wins

ECK official results have just broken as follows;

Kibaki 4,584,721
Raila 4,352.993

Raila will be very quick to dispute this I'm sure.

I have already heard one gunshot so far round here so we need to most definitely stay indoors and wait to see what happens next.

We are holding our breath.

Things are Very Very Quiet

It is very eerie and very quiet in our parts. The TV channels are all showing the usual Sunday religious programmes, all the radio stations seem to have music only with no presenters present, all the shopping centres seem not to have opened and are keeping their gates padlocked and guarded.

We have absolutely no news since last night about who is or isn't our president. It's really very odd. People don't really seem to know what to do with themselves and are holed up in their houses as if there had been a coup.

All I can say is I hope they announce this result soon so that we can get on with our lives one way or the other.

latest

ECK PUTS off presidential results to tomorrow, to review all 210 returns. CORRECTION ON: PREVIOUS alert (Raila 4.5m Kibaki 4.2m) wrongly computed.
Actual is 3.8m each with Raila 38,002 votes ahead of Kibaki with 19 constituencies outstanding.
Of the outstanding counts so far at least one is to be repolled and another came in with more votes than voters which was interesting!

Chaos at Dagoretti Corner

I have just come back from town and driving through Dagoretti Corner there are about 50 thugs with very large (brand new funnily enough) thick poles about 5 feet long and 2 inches in diameter running about threatening people and vehicles.

There is evidence of burning on the road and the small kiosks are all suddenly deserted. We drove through very fast and I took this picture on my phone. Basically all those guys on the left of this picture are armed and willing to hit anyone and anything in their way.

Journalists are reporting total chaos in Kisumu and also in the Kibera and Mathere slums in Nairobi.

Latest results from 189 constituencies now show Raila having 4,356,092 votes and Kibaki with 4,009,300 so still too tight to call as depending on which districts haven't yet come in, it could most definitely still go either way but the ODM (Raila) supporters are calling for Kibaki to concede although the results are still not finalised.

Things are thick.

Think I perhaps spoke a little too soon ....

Trouble has broken out in the centre of Nairobi, amongst other places, and according to the army officers stopping all the cars going into town searching for weapons, they are warning people to stay away as cars are being burnt and stones thrown.

On one of the main roads leading into the city centre people are fighting on the street and shots have been fired although there is no news on any injuries at this time, just general tension and panic.

Driving in myself this morning there were small groups of people all the way along the roads and there is serious tension in the air.

The rumours are that people are upset that the results are taking too long, they want to know why the parliamentary and civic results are being released but the presidential ones are not and yet they were all counted at the same time.

Further rumours are suggesting that they will swear in the new president in secret by 1pm today and then release the result - but personally I think this really is just talk and just that - a rumour.

Latest results just issued (at 12pm) from 159 constituencies counted;

Raila 3,726,247

Kibaki 3,416,139

Kalonzo 346,214

The counting continues ….

Well the counting continues, and the police are getting busier. According to the Electoral Commission (ECK), the voter turnout was so high that the logistics are a little overwhelming when it came to counting – well that’s their excuse and they’re sticking to it!

What is quite interesting this morning is that yesterday evening the latest figures I got with regards to votes that had been counted for the presidential seat, Raila was way out in front with 56% and Kibaki had only 37% of the votes counted. The report said that at this time 21% of registered voters were included in these figures. Now this morning with 54% of the voting register having their votes counted, the figures look quite different. Now it shows that Raila stands at 45% of the vote and Kibaki takes 42%, so really quite a different story.

There have been a lot of current sitting MP's voted out. Some expected, but some a bit of a shock, such as the current Vice President losing his seat in his home town and all of the Moi sons who went up for nomination losing out to ODM party candidates which was quite surprising. This I think then shows the country is definitely looking for some change and less of the old school regime it seems which is a good thing, although some of the candidates voted in are complete unknowns with absolutely no history in politics at all (but heard the salary's good so stood for nomination), so it could be a very interesting Parliament.

I heard yesterday on one of the radio stations that the wife of one of these newly elected MP's had called the ECK yesterday to demand that their new salaries start immediately as her husband was not currently driving a Mercedes and she felt it was most definitely now his right to do so and she would like him to be issued with the cash to go and purchase one today!

There has of course been the vote rigging issues which have caused trouble in some areas, (although not half as many as I had expected which is good). The worst ones I know of seem to have been one in a district just to the east of Nairobi (not far from where I live) which is called Kajiado North and where a very strong ally of the incumbent President sits. There was an issue where someone said that two of the ballot boxes that arrived for counting yesterday morning were not sealed and were found to be full of paper rubbish and not ballots, so a crowd of people got wound up, started chasing the election officials about and smacked a few people, the counting was suspended and the riot police drafted in to watch the station. As far as I know, the counting has still not yet resumed in that district although the ECK said they were dealing with the irregularities.

Then just down the road (between me and town), there is a district known as Dagoretti, and although I’m not 100% sure what went wrong there, I do know that the counting was also stopped and the electoral officer in charge of that station has been locked up in a police cell since yesterday afternoon ‘for questioning’.

I have also heard of a few similar issues with some of the polling stations around the rest of the country but I have no facts on how many stations have suspended voting and what will happen next in those districts.

So things aren’t entirely peaceful – although so far it has just been a minor few incidents that I've heard of and all hell has not yet broken loose, and we can only keep our fingers crossed very tightly to hope that it doesn’t, AND we still have no certain winner and so we keep on waiting with baited breath!

Not sure that the Reuters report has it right.

Headlines from Reuters Africa show this .....................

Kibaki leads Kenya election - exit poll
Thu 27 Dec 2007, 17:16 GMT

By Andrew Cawthorne and Wangui Kanina
NAIROBI (Reuters) - Kenya's President Mwai Kibaki leads Thursday's presidential election with 47.4 percent of the vote, versus 42.7 for opposition leader Raila Odinga, according to an exit poll by a local independent observer group.
The Institute for Education in Democracy (IED), a respected non-governmental organisation, gave the figures -- which it was constantly updating on its Web site -- at 8 p.m. (1700 GMT) based on more than 260 polling stations out of 20,000.

However word on the ground this morning, (although only about 10% of all votes counted so far), is that Raila has it by something like 62% to Kibaki at around 36%.

This of course could dramatically change as it depends which districts haven't yet sent in their numbers as if it's Western Kenya - they'll be Raila votes and if its Eastern it'll most definitely be Kibaki ones.

So we're all still on a wait and see.

Things seem pretty peaceful. I have come into town to my office and the roads are very quiet. There are a few police cars on the road and i did see one truck full of riot police heading out of town with lights flashing, but i'm not sure that this isn't more of just being vigilant rather than actual trouble brewing, as things are quite tense.

What i must say though with this election is that i think overall we have most defintely had less goons handing over cash and pollling stations which is great news and a lot of young people have voted for the first time and seem to have done so without the tribal lines that are usually drawn with regards to the candidates with the older generation.

SO all in all things may just be looking up.

Will keep you updated as and when I hear anything!

So far we have quiet on the eastern front.

So far, so good - although of course i shouldn't speak too soon - but generally it seems that voting is peaceful throughout the country.

There were a few little set backs in the morning when some of the polling stations opened very late, due to various reasons such as the polling clerks not turning up or the polling register gone missing. Then up to fifteen of the wards (at last count), had to cancel their civic elections as some of the candidates were missing from the ballot paper. But no matter it seems, as in those areas they could still vote for their parliamentary candidate and the most important matter to hand - the presidency so they all seemed to be fairly satisfied with that.

It got slightly tricky in Langata, (an area in Nairobi), when Raila Odinga (one of the main two candidates up for the presidential seat), arrived at his local polling station to vote - at a pre-advertised, nice civilised hour of the day, with lots of pomp and ceremony - and his name was left out of the electoral register.

Anyway a couple of phone calls were made and a lot of shouting was done, and then an irate Mr Odinga leapt into his car and sped up to the Kenyatta Conference Centre where the election commission is holed up and jumped up and down outside their offices demanding to see somebody in charge.

He was then duly informed that the situation would be immediately rectified, (and not to get his knickers in such a twist), and that the electoral roll with his name on would be printed out 'tout suite' and by the time he got back to his polling station would be ready and waiting for him, and off he sped again, with a convoy of about 12 vehicles, one of which narrowly missed a rather bemused electoral official who was trying to chase after the cars to give them what i can only assume was the print out of the missing page with Mr Odinga's name on it.

So apart from that little mishap, and a couple of the electoral rolls for different regions ending up being sent in the completely wrong direction - such as the one for an area at the coast ending up in Kajiado - which is a town in the far north of Kenya and one of the polling registers that was supposed to go to Eldoret ending up in Naivasha, (around 200kms south of where it should have been), things seem to be going fairly well.

So its fingers crossed and see what happens as the day draws to a close.

Absolute Shocker from 'The Telegraph'

Please tell me this is not the general state of journalism in the UK these days .....

I have just found this headline on the Telegraph's online news site;

"Kenya's PM Mwai Kibaki awaits election vote"
by Mike Pflanz in Nairobi

Please note that Kenya does not and never has had a Prime Minister in this country since independence and you'll find that the Honorable Mwai Kibaki is currently (at least for the next 24 hours anyhow) the President of our country and not as the great journalist suggests in his headline the PM!

If someone would just like to clarify this small point to Mr Pflanz - that would be marvelous.

Things looking a little tricky here on the Kenyan front.

Well rallying for the elections is officially over as it is illegal for any politicians to be hold rallies on Christmas Day or Boxing Day.

They seemed to have solved this however by going to church and having a quick preach there instead - just in case anyone hasn't yet got the point.

Talking to friends yesterday and listening to all the news stories that are flowing hot and fast now as we run up to the last few hours before voting, things I think could turn a little tricky.

It seems that the opposition party with Raila in charge is getting ahead in the polls and yet the incumbent president Mwai Kibaki I've heard has got a few little tricks up his sleeve.

I am assured seeing as there are so many international observers in situ that the chances of rigging are slim but I'm far too cynical and am far from convinced. I have been told by someone who is a member of Kibaki's youth group that they have got half a million voters on the register that are actually dead - so they are taking those votes as guaranteed for Kibaki!

I'm really not sure how it works and if they can get away with this extra half a million votes, but in a nation where there is less than 14 Million voters registered and of that number the people who will actually vote on the day will certainly not be anywhere near 100%, then this half a million extra people who don't actually exist are really going to count - if these Kibaki fellows get them slotted in?

Personally I can't see Kibaki not rigging it if he needs to seeing as he is still the one currently sitting in State House, has appointed the election commission personally, and I understand has made the KICC - which is where the election commission is based and from where they will announce the final results - off limits to everyone for the next few days. (The opposition party has already started jumping up and down about rigging already and we haven't even opened the polling stations yet.)

My worry is that i think there will be some serious trouble if Kibaki wins, as it will immediately be seen as unfair - although if the polls are right, these main two are actually still quite close - the opposition keeps dismissing those polls as a load of rubbish unless they are confirmed as having a large majority. And I can't see Kibaki not winning at this stage with whatever means he has to.

I do hope I'm over-reacting here, and that things will be peaceful, and whoever wins will do so fairly and squarely, but right now I'm not entirely convinced.

I'll keep you posted!

Electioneering and Corruption ....

Now I’ve got a bit of ‘food for thought’ for all you chaps and chapesses out there.

To give you a bit of background – we have 3 main contenders vying for the Presidency of Kenya right now. There’s Mwai Kibaki – current president – political party PNU, whose slogan is “Kazi Iendelee”, which basically means “The work continues”. Then we have Raila Odinga – political party ODM (Orange Democratic Movement) whose slogan is “Raila Tosha”, which basically translates as ‘Raila, That’s it’ or ‘Raila is enough’, and whose party is symbolised by one orange. He’s a fellow who used to be in the same party as Kibaki and played a very significant part in getting Kibaki elected 5 years ago but got himself fired from government a while back for going against the president in some issue or other. Then finally we have Kalonzo Musyoka – a very well educated, well spoken fellow who used to be in the same party as Raila but they parted company when they couldn’t agree on who should vie for the top job so he’s now the ODM Kenya party symbolised by one and a half oranges and hasn’t got much hope of getting in as according to the polls, his rating stands somewhere round the 10% mark so he’s not really being counted by the masses as much of a contender.

We’ve got serious campaigning going down with the run up to elections on the 27th December and in our “honest” see through electioneering that we have around here, basically there is a lot of cash changing hands.

You can get paid as part of ‘rent a crowd’ at any campaign rally, which is great for all those out of work slum dwellers who generally have nothing to their name – they rush from rally to rally picking up cash and a new wardrobe of whichever party nominees t-shirt they may be handing out, plus a bunch of posters they can use as wallpaper in their shacks – so it’s quite a worthwhile job really, (although sadly after the 27th it won’t last, and the rich will keep their money, and the poor will continue to be incredibly poor.)

The other way of making yourself some money is to turn up on election day for a bit of a vote where they will be loads of goons hanging around every polling station, handing out money to get you to vote for their party.

Talking to a bunch of people today – not your wealthy ‘drive cars and live in nice houses’ types but general ‘wanainchi’ – which are your everyday fellows – bit of a job, (if they’re lucky), probably a room goes with it and they earn around 8 to 10 thousand shillings a month – which is somewhere between 70 to 90 Euros. Anyway I wanted to know the general opinion with regards to how they think the election may go as according to the pollsters it's a very tight race between the top two. Turns out most of them are on Raila’s side as they think he’s the ‘Robin Hood’ type and will be the best for all those on the poverty line (and very much below it). There’s a few that say they would rather Kibaki keeps going for another 5 years and continues with whatever work he has started, because no matter how much we wish to complain about the current president, there is no doubt that he has done quite a lot of good for this country – he could have done a hell of a lot more that’s for sure, but at least he has made some few beneficial changes.

The argument between the two (as Kalonzo seems not to feature in their books), is that Kibaki is a Kikuyu and being the largest tribe in Kenya is seen as holding all the money for himself and his fellow Kikuyu’s and for that reason is creating tribalism. Raila, on the other hand, has been rushing round making friends with all the different tribes (and seeing as we have 52 different tribes in this country, it is probably a very wise strategy) and he has already slotted a few of them into his clique – known as the ‘Pentagon’ and is promising to install them all into prominent parliamentary positions.

I can understand how this distinction has come about between the two of them, but I’m not sure that it’s entirely true and here’s the dilemma …….

A lot of the fellows I spoke to say they are god fearing Christians and for that reason they will not take the cash to vote for someone that they have no wish to have in parliament.

But what I say is ‘Why not take the cash – see it as a Christmas gift – then go and vote for whoever you believe in.’
– Is that wrong when you have nothing and people are willing to hand over bank notes even though they cannot follow you into the polling booth and see who you really stick your cross by? Would you still call that corruption or just a case of taking from the rich if they’re so intent on handing it out anyway??

Now, there’s some food for thought wouldn’t you say!

Humour 'comes from testosterone' ......?

I'm on a bloggin roll here - sorry to bore you all with yet another post this morning but you know I just had to put my 5 cents worth in here when i spotted this headline on the Beeb site, (even though of course I am at work and should be .. er.. working perhaps - it is nearly Christmas, so what the hell hey!) ;


I mean I can’t believe that some Professor from Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital has even dared to state that “HUMOUR COMES FROM TESTOSTERONE”!

According to the knowledgeable Professor Shuster, he observed how different genders reacted to his unicycling hobby and concluded from his findings of the reaction of over 400 people in Newcastle upon Tyne that more men than women responded verbally with very few women making comic or snide remarks whereas over 75% of the men attempted wit – mostly shouting “Lost your wheel?” or other such abuse.



From these observations Professor Shuster concluded that the simplest explanation is the effect of male hormones such as testosterone.

….. Oh HO bloody HO fellows!

Can I just say – being a woman and therefore rather lacking in the testosterone department – I would like to clear this small matter up of the differences between men and women’s idea of humour – and it’s got F *** All to do with testosterone I can tell you!

Basically women, on seeing some idiot careering about the town on a unicycle, will immediately think; “Gosh Poor Bloke – he must have an extremely small willy that would make him want to make a complete pratt of himself by trying to ride a unicycle!”, and therefore would not be so cruel as to make rude jokes at the fellow trying to puff out his chest.

Meanwhile men will be thinking “Christ, what a brilliant idea for getting some attention when I have such an incredibly small willy and it’s so embarrassing – at least I could do something extremely funny like ride a one wheeled bike so that all the girls would look at me!”, and then they will insist on shouting those witty or aggressive comments such as: “Lost your wheel?” – which roughly translated means; “Listen mate, I’ve got a small willy too and I should be riding that bloody bike!”

Errrr ...... "WHOOPS!"

REUTERS REPORTS .........



Canada's PM says Dalai Lama "is not a call girl"
(Well I'm glad we've cleared that up then .....)

OTTAWA (Reuters) - When Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper tried to explain in a year-end interview why he'd met the Dalai Lama in his Ottawa office, it was clear he wanted to show respect for the exiled Tibetan leader.

Unfortunately, it didn't quite come out that way.

"I met the Dalai Lama in my office but I meet everyone in my office. I don't know why I would sneak off to a hotel room just to meet the Dalai Lama. You know, he's not a call girl," Harper told OMNI television.

He quickly added: "As I say, he's a respected international spiritual leader."

China condemns the Dalai Lama as a separatist and presses world leaders to shun him. German Chancellor Angela Merkel met him in September, but only in private, and last month the Vatican called off a meeting with the Pope set for December 13.

Harper is a strong critic of China's human rights record and what he calls the "undemocratic regime" in Beijing.

China condemned Harper for "disgusting conduct" in late October after he met the Dalai Lama in his parliamentary office with television cameras and photographers present.

The Dalai Lama -- who fled his predominantly Buddhist homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Communist rule -- was granted honorary Canadian citizenship in June.

Harper's chief spokeswoman did not respond to a query as to whether the prime minister regretted his choice of words in the interview, which took place on Tuesday but was embargoed until Thursday.

There’s been a fab fest of strange stories in the news over the last couple of days and I thought I’d post a couple of my faves to share;

Starting off with a classic in Singapore where a national service man sashayed into a lift early one morning clad in only a pink bikini.

(Sorry - couldn't find a picture of the bloke but thought you'd appreciate this one of Danielle Lloyd a lot more anyhow!)

He was fined S$11,000 and put in jail for the day. Of the charges he admitted to included “outraging the modesty of the woman who shared the lift with him”!
- Personally, I’d appeal that one as obviously just because the woman has a complex about the fact that the fellow looked hotter than she ever could wearing that pink bikini – surely should be no reason for such a hefty fine!

The best part of the story is the summing up;
“In mitigation, Tan Wen Zhong’s lawyer said ‘his client has been badly affected by his parents divorce during his formative years’”!!

- Totally with you there honey – I mean what else would make you want to rush round town dressed in a pink bikini? I mean my parents divorced when I was young and that must totally explain my constant urge to charge round town wearing only a pair of Snoopy boxer shorts ….. Damn, what on earth was I thinking wasting all that money on therapy!!


…….. then I came across;

“Do Goats Make Great Gifts?”
- which surely can only by summed up in one line ……..
“Depends if you’re the goat!”

How many 5 year olds can you take on?

Don't joke with me now as this is my score ........



30

This survey tells you how many five year old children you could fight at once.

Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combating experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass.

Here are the ground rules:

You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
There are no weapons or foreign objects
Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
The children are merciless and will show no fear
If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

Cheating of course is highly recommended .....

(I should get extra marks actually for being trampled on a horse more than once - this year alone!!)

click on the red box above and ... GOOD LUCK IN YOUR MISSION !

Latest News Update from the BBC ...

Man cuts off penis in restaurant
A man cut off his penis with a knife in a packed London restaurant.
Police were forced to use CS gas to restrain the man when they entered the Zizzi restaurant in The Strand on Sunday evening.
A Metropolitan Police spokeswoman said the man was aged between 30 and 40 and that his injuries were self-inflicted.

.............. Goodness Gracious – Imagine just popping down The Strand for a spot of Italian when some lunatic comes charging into the restaurant, into the kitchen, grabs a kitchen knife and started slashing at himself.

The fact that he chopped off his own willy was kind of a dumb thing to do wouldn’t you say.

Sadly the London Hospital into which he is currently admitted say that although the main is in a stable condition ; ‘It is understood that surgeons were unable to reattach his penis.'

Now, do you think there was a waiter rushing after the ambulance shouting “Sorry Sir, I think you might have forgotten something!”, waving the fellow’s willy in the air? . . Perhaps that’s it, he should have given the waiter a bigger tip so he didn't jump up and down on it before giving it back!

Oh you could have so much fun with this story – it must be a woman thing – I’m absolutely sure all men reading this are wincing whilst all the girls are chuckling away

… He He He !

Ricky Hatton’s new career?

Unless you’ve been living in a dark place without any media in the last week, it must be general knowledge that there was a boxing match that took place today between Ricky Hatton and Floyd Mayweather.

Now I must say, that although boxing is not really my favourite sport, as I don’t quite understand why two grown men blatting each other should cause such a stir when surely all round the world outside some bar, somewhere, every weekend, you’ll be sure to get a couple of people smacking each other round the head, but I suppose not quite so many people will be betting their live savings on the event, as (according to Sky News – font of knowledge for all that’s English), that’s what half of Manchester did, and I must say how very sorry I feel for them all now.

Anyway, when I got up this morning I found that they were showing the fight live on one of our satellite channels, and I really felt compelled to watch the event as if I hadn’t done, something life changing may have happened and I would have missed it, so I turned it on.

Well, apart from watching two fellows chasing each other round a very small square and smacking each other in the chops, I really don’t think anything significant happened to change the world.

But then . . . they slotted in a little interview of Ricky Hatton’s father explaining that although a couple of weeks ago, Mr Hatton Junior was known as ‘Ricky Fatton’, it was not a problem for the young fellow as apparently losing 10 pounds in one single week is a simple thing for him.

WELL . . . . Women worldwide would pay millions for that kind of information, and seeing as the fellow lost the fight anyway, he should perhaps go for a bit of a career change and start up ‘Ricky Hatton’s Dream Diet Club’ – he’d never have to get smacked round the head ever again.

Go on Ricky – you know it makes sense – I’ll be your first member.

Call Me !

Hot Tips for 'Sensible Drinking at Christmas'

My medical insurance company has just sent me through an email with some top advice on 'Sensible drinking at Christmas' - apart from the usual 8 to 10 glasses of water per day of course!

Now, I'm really sorry but, although i realise that i do live in the back end of nowhere when it comes to health care, i pay a lot of bloody money for that medical insurance and i wish to make the most of that by hopefully having myself evacuated off for a fine holiday in South Africa or the UK - all because i got a little drunk and tripped over the dog, so you can be damn sure I'll be doing nothing sensible this Christmas, and I'll not be reading that !

....... the little voice in my head of course got the better of me, nagging with the;

"MC, how can you be so insensitive to the efforts of some poor struggling young doctor who's being paid wad loads of cash writing these articles on the bloody obvious in order to benefit your health!"

……… so I read on and realised with much delight that some of the advice was really quite excellent, so I thought I'd share and ease my conscience for my little outburst earlier dissing my insurance company .....
(I have of course added my own explanations in and am now quite happy with these sensible drinking rules)

EASY WAYS TO LIMIT YOUR DRINKING AT CHRISTMAS PARTIES

• Eat before you go out, so you are not drinking on an empty stomach
  (This of course means you can drink a damn site more before your legs give way)
• Set yourself a limit for each occasion - and stick to it
  (Now if that's going to be 2 bottles of wine - or perhaps 3 if you think it might be a long one - make sure you get it all down your neck before you even think about going home)
• Skip the ‘quick drink’ at lunchtime or after work
  (Make sure you get loads of chums together and make it an exceptionally long lunch so you can get a few extra down before wobbling back to the office)
• Learn how to say No and avoid pressure if you don’t want a drink
  (If of course, you have absolutely no intention of saying the word and would absolutely love a drink, “Help yourself, and the extra large glasses are above the fridge!”)
  
  Cheers!
  

Thieves party on .............

Just picked this up from Reuters - and reckon that these Aussies should get in touch with the thieves who walked off with the guiness in Ireland as between them they could most definitely have a serious Paaaaaaaaarty!


Thieves say Merry Xmas and take the ham
Mon 3 Dec 2007, 6:13 GMT

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Cheeky Australian thieves stole 16 tonnes of ham and bacon from a Sydney warehouse and then wrote "Thanks, Merry Christmas" on a wall, police said on Monday.
The thieves cut through a wall of the warehouse between Saturday and Sunday and stole up to A$100,000 (43,000 pounds) worth of meat.

"Officers located a message on the wall of the building, reading, 'Thanks, Merry Christmas'," said a police statement.

Serious Christmas Shopping !

Someone's definitely way up on me with his Christmas shopping, and damn fine idea in principle I thought .... Check this out .......


Thief makes off with 180 Guinness kegs

DUBLIN (Reuters) - A thief made off with 180 kegs of Guinness beer after smoothly driving into the Dublin brewery which makes the black stout and snatching a trailer load of drink, police said on Thursday.
The incident took place on Wednesday at the Guinness brewery on the banks of Dublin's River Liffey where Ireland's trademark tipple has been brewed for almost 250 years.
The lone raider's haul also contained 180 kegs of Budweiser and 90 barrels of Carlsberg lager, police said.



"A man drove into the yard in a truck and took a trailer containing the drink which has an estimated value of 64,000 euros (46.000 pounds)," a police spokesman said.
(Reporting by Jonathan Saul)
© Reuters 2007. All Rights Reserved.

Christmas shopping online

I’ve been looking through online shopping sites (– as you do of course when you’re at work and it is nearly December!! – I mean what else is that company paid for 24hour internet connection in aid of I ask you?)

Anyway, as I was saying, - I’ve been shopping and its absolutely fab – I’ve seen gorgeous things for me – lots of them and I want them all - although I really can’t afford them and sadly won’t be finding anyone else who could perhaps be persuaded to buy them for me – but no matter I’m actually supposed to be shopping for my son…….

No, better rephrase that – seeing as I’m at work

– I’m not of course supposed to be shopping for anyone –

but I was browsing interesting work related things and ……

“Oops look I happened to drop into the Amazon site”

– “Goodness me, now how did that happen??”

“Oh, well, now that I’m here – best make the most of it don’t you think?”

SO here I am doing a spot of Amazon shopping and I’m looking for a Playstation game that my son’s been going on about so I type in ‘BIONICLE PLAYSTATION’ into the ‘SEARCH’

…. And what pops up……………

Your search "bionicle playstation" did not match any products.
However, Amazon recommends….

Well how fab is that? – Some little robot that programmed the search engine must have a superb sense of humour.
Actually I was so impressed I decided that I really should own this book so I hit “BUY IT”, and of course then you get the ‘Perfect Partner’ recommendation which was even more impressive…

Well that’s it – I’m sold!!
Have added both to my ‘Wish List’ which of course I will then buy for myself!!

Oh damn – wasn’t I supposed to be small boy shopping?

The Monday Blues!

Wit, charm and anything else remotely resembling sanity seems to have totally escaped me today.

I’m just mad mad mad at the world – I think it must be the weather – its bloody raining again!

I can’t actually find anything really that I should be annoyed by but I so don’t want to be here at work, I so don’t want to be in this life – I want a new one – this one totally sucks!

Work is soooooooooooooooo boring today – I have absolutely no interest in anything.

Do you think it’s the weather, the depression or my age catching up with me?
Perhaps it’s a combination of the 3.

There’s a great blog I follow called ‘Running in Wellies’ and can you believe that poor woman has to deal with months of the year without even seeing the sun to speak of and yet here I am after 24 hours of rain whining like a baby!

My body is so not configured for cold and wet – it only does hot and dry.

Am thinking of emigrating – I wonder what the Gulf is like at this time of year – do they do rain there or just hot, dry and sandy? I think I could do with a bit of hot, dry and sandy.

If I was a celebrity – Do you think someone might come and get me out of here!!!!!!!!!!

Preparing for a brighter future!

If this is us preparing for a brighter future - what hope do we have really?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

My Dilemma

It seems that i am in a terrible dilemma at the moment. It may sound awfully bizarre to most women out there and perhaps totally normal for most men (I'm not really sure)- but i have this complete obsession about cars!

I have a perfectly good, functioning vehicle which actually i absolutely love and have no complaints about whatsoever. It fits my son and me in perfectly, (including the odd friend), and if you put the back seats down the two large hounds fit in quite nicely as well, but I just can't seem to shake this want I have for a new car!

It doesn't even have to be a 'new out of the showroom with that gorgeous smell' new, but just new to me. And all the ones on the road that I just obsess about when driving about town are enormous, diesel 4x4 machines.



I mean, what on earth do i need some enormous 8 seater fuel guzzling monster for? .. I can't really work it out but I just love them.

Now if I was my shrink (who of course I don't dare tell about my car obsession as I'll get labelled as over-compensating for something or other ......er..........Duh! - and I really don't need to hear that out loud!),
I would analyse this obsession thoroughly, so I thought I'd just do that for myself, so here goes ...............


Reasons for wanting an extremely large off road beast ...

1. The enormous amount of seats available mean that my son and I can pretend we have lots of friends in which to fill all those seats with and go places!

2. I can charge into the traffic at high speed and people will quake with fear in my wake!

3. I can fill the extremely large boot with extra hounds, or perhaps a small horse!

4. We can look like we do camping at weekends (although i feel i have a distinct allergy to canvas - at least we can look the part!)

5. When i get a puncture i can get some gorgeous hunk and his hi-lift jack to help me out
......... In fact that one sounds like such a good idea - I might just drive around town with a bunch of nails in my glove box in case of drop dead gorgeous man driving by!!


Truthfully, I think this obsession is a case of feeling bloody old and refusing point blank to accept that i may be officially 'middle aged'........... or perhaps it's just a distinct lack of sex ............

................... ER ......................... PROBABLY BOTH!

My Dating Days!!

Thought this little Andy Capp strip kind of summed up my dating days! ..........

....... it seems i've had far too many 'What-was-i-thinking-versary's' myself !!

Great news for curvy women!

Now can I just say I have come across the most fab news I’ve heard in a long time about how marvellous it is to be well endowed in the bottom department!

It turns out some people (who don’t have too much else to do in life it seems) have done some research that shows that women with large hips are more intelligent than those with apple shaped or linear bodies!!

They say it’s probably a result of higher levels of Omega 3 fatty acids, (but I reckon its more likely that we store our brain cells in our bottoms and therefore have far more space for brains!!)

Now I’m very sorry if you’re stunning and sylph like but best you get some more fish oils down your necks girlfriends as us large arsed girlies are damn clever can I tell you – we might not fit into a size 8 or anything resembling ‘gorgeous’, but hey, we’ve got brains and ………… wait for it ……… we also produce cleverer children!!!

And as for fashion – turns out you don’t need a skinny arse for that one either as another study (from the University of the Bloody Obvious of Business) has shown that women have abandoned their skimpy underwear for …………….. CONTROL PANTS! Yes, control pants are the highest seller across the board according to John Lewis and Marks & Spencers with a staggering number of 5 pairs per minute being sold in the UK in the past 6 months!

And although some boring spoilsport Professor who teaches medicine at Cranfield University said 'the restrictive garments could cause breathing problems, heartburn and stomach ulcers' – I’d say ‘Pants!’ to him and get down to M&S underwear department to stock up on some smashing 'Bridget Jones' big knickers!

Turns out there is a god after all – and I reckon she must be a woman – I mean who else would give us big bums to make us more intelligent, and decide control pants are the latest fashion accessory!?!?!?

All my dreams have finally come true!

Happy IVGLDSW Day!

Today is International Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman's Day!

Please send this page to someone you think fits this description. (You do not of course need to send it back to me as I have already received it from a Very Good Looking, Damn Smart Woman! )

And remember this motto to live by:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'

Have a wonderful day !

Kudos for Lady Justice!

This is an article from one of our Dailies in Nairobi.


"A woman admitted in court to immobilising her husband by taking away his artificial leg and crutches to force him to give her money.
The accused, was said to have committed the offence on November 4th in Thika.
She said her husband sold a plot for Shs 300,000/- and refused to part with some of the money for domestic uses.
She told the court that she took the move since she knew that the husband would squander the money.
The Chief Inspector who led the prosecution said a quarrel had ensued after the man refused to account for the proceeds from the sale of the plot.
Thika Chief Magistrate released the accused and ordered her to take the artificial leg and crutches back to the husband."


The Chief Inspector who took the woman to court was, of course, a man, and the Chief Magistrate who let her go, a woman!

Now who really thinks she was being unreasonable anyway? Wouldn’t it what any good self respecting wife would have done for a bit of housekeeping money in any part of the world! I think ‘kudos’ to her really – just a bit of a bummer the policeman got involved and locked her up because I think it would of worked a treat otherwise!!

Nursery Rhyme Updates - very UN PC versions!

I was sent these through these great nursery rhymes this morning and just had to share!
Please note these are absolutely 'SO NOT' politically correct ......... but i think they're jolly fab anyhow!!

WARNING: NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED!
IF YOU CLAIM TO BE ABSOLUTELY FAB AT PARENTHOOD, PLEASE DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS POINT.

(I of course shall be off just now to pick my son up from school and rehearse him through these for class tomorrow!)

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh shit, it's Global Warming.

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and everywhere that Mary went
the boys could see her thighs.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man 'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simple Simon
"Pies you dickhead."

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.

Jack and Jill Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

World News: Barmaid fined for crushing beer cans between breasts!

I just love this article i picked up from one of our dailies this morning:

WORLD NEWS
"'Barmaid crushes beer cans between breasts:'
CANBERRA. An Australian barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, police said...............”

I don’t mean to offend anyone but I think it sounded like a fab night out to me and I can’t believe that these days you get fined for having a laugh! And, by the way, it does sound like she was doing her bit for saving the planet by crushing those cans ready for recycling!
She should have been thanked NOT fined!

And hell, we all know; "If you've got it - Flaunt it!"




... No wonder I never go out any more ……. the consequences are just too expensive!!

The Ultimate Pink Ticket

Can you believe i have had the ultimate pink ticket all weekend, and what did i do with it?

.........Stayed in, ate popcorn, watched girlie movies and cried a lot of course!!

I was hoping to develop cabin fever that would make me want to rush out of the house and hit the town and paint it a great shade of maroon or something wicked .... but alas, cabin fever proves totally elusive and i find I've stayed in the entire weekend!

The reason for the pink ticket is that my son's been away all weekend at his father's wedding. I'm not sure why i feel so down about it all - I mean, I wanted that divorce too ... 'Didn't i?' It's just that selfish thing inside me that says; 'Well, I may not have wanted him, but that doesn't mean i want anyone else to have him either!' I mean he was my husband first, and is the father of my gorgeous son, and ............... Oh Bollocks, I sound like a child having a tantrum and as all good mothers know, we should never give in to a tantrum. (But as all great mothers know, we often do just to keep the peace!)

But still, I'm struggling a little here .... he could have fought for us a little don't you think? .....

Anyway, enough of that. I got the best bits out of the marriage - my son and the dogs - hey who needs the husband? I've got enough on my plate as it is without having added extras on board!


I've got the prize winning Rottweiler running around the house with a bucket on his head after having an operation on his eye. He's taking out everything in his wake as he can't seem to work out that his head is three times its normal size - which being a Rottweiler isn't small on a good day!

It's mayhem here running about the house after him diving to save vases, cups and all other breakables from the tables as he crashes by. And the walls in the whole house have paint chips coming off where he's crashed his way through doorways, round corners and down the corridor.

They fail to mention that down at the vets when you check them in. All they tell you is 'I'm sorry, we really need to perform this operation to improve his quality of life' - Well they forget about the owners quality of life when they have to pay off the bills the operation incurs!

What they should say is 'Please take out a large bank loan in order to pay our bill, and a 2nd mortgage wouldn't go amiss as you'll have to redecorate the house once the dog comes home with an enormous bucket on his head for 10 days and completely destroys your decor!

Anyway - he's worth it - as my son always says 'No-one can resist a puppy dog pout!'

....... But hell, who am i trying to convince here that I'm fine with this 'he's getting remarried' thing by prattling on about my dogs? ..... You or Me?

...... Personally i don't think either.

Excuse me whilst i go and open another box of tissues.

Life Sucks !

Just popped into the docs for a harmless prescription to help me through 'fruitcakedom', with the added bonus of helping my stressed out irritable bowel!

Well, i ask you. I had been in and out almost scott free when;

First of all I met a friend in the reception i hadn't seen in ages who asked me how i was. - Bad idea considering;

a) I was in the doctors surgery

b) Was awfully red eyed and weepy - and ALL women should know the drill - NEVER be nice to someone when she is very obviously on the brink of tears! - It is the sure way to crack the gate to full on waterworks and means your nice friendly doctor is in danger of flooding her office and will almost certainly have to change into a rubber frock!

c) My ex-husband's getting married today to the thin, pretty chick with a face of stone. (They'll be no laughter lines on her when she's old and grey, let me tell you!)

Then - can you believe - to top it all - the nurse caught me and said she needed to weigh me! ........ Weigh Me! ...... Is she kidding?!?! ............. Well apparently not.

I did suggest perhaps "Far Too Much" or "Extra Large" might do it if she just wrote that down as a 'sure guess' without the full blown embarrassment of climbing on the scales - but Oh No, she absolutely insisted!

She said if it would make me feel better i could take my shoes off - like that make a shed load of difference!! - I mean where were my 5kg high heels when i needed them!

And tell me this - how come i didn't get the only decent symptom on the 'Irritable Bowel' list, of 'loss of weight'. I want that symptom and not just the gut wrenching cramps, 'Michelin' man looks and serious wind that has my son shouting 'Mum, mum, the dog's done a windy again!' every 5 minutes.

(Hey, perhaps one day I'll let on it's really me and stop kicking the dog!)

.......................... Life, ... it's so not fair!!

Shocking gossip from the ladies that lunch.

We had half term last week, and after sending my son off most days with various friends and their mothers to be duly entertained whilst I worked.

By Friday I was feeling a little guilty after dumping my son all week and missing out on the motherly children bonding action so I decided to join them for lunch. I dutifully went into the office until lunchtime then bailed in order to join in with the ‘ladies that lunch’ and see what they got up to in an ordinary day at the ‘office’.

I must say, I did struggle to keep up with the conversation whilst they discussed how they’d invented the latest “Gosh you must give me the recipe, it’s fabulous” talk, and who’s little precious darling was the latest to join the pony club, but as the afternoon wore on and some of the ladies had to move on for hair appointments, gardening lessons and polo clinics, the conversation certainly woke me up.

Well, I can tell you, I had absolutely no idea what these SAHMs (Stay At Home Mums) got up to. There was the ‘who’s had a boob job and who’s booked in for one’ conversation which I found quite enlightening. Then it was ‘who’s done who’s latest hairdo’- which I must say I also struggled with a little as I’m that girl who has her hair cut once a year – and only when I’ve been to the annual shaggy dog show and realise I could qualify for the ‘shaggiest dog in show’!
But then ………. well it got riveting.

Turns out there are a group of mothers who spend most afternoons drinking wine and putting various narcotic substances up their noses! …. I was floored!

I mean no one's immune to the odd glass of wine at lunch but really ...

Right in amongst our midst is another world of ‘Desperate Housewives’ I’ve only ever read about and seen on TV. Apparently there’s one woman – who it seems is talk of the town – who’s husband (although they are still married – happily probably very questionably) has gone to court to get custody of his children. Four of them I understand – all below the age of 6! Talk is that he’s a ‘little worried’ – understatement of the year I should imagine – about the welfare of his kids as Mrs whoever she is has been a little unpredictable with regards looking after the children as she’s either pissed or stoned 90% of the time it seems and keeps wandering off with or without the kids in tow.

Well I’ve got to say – thank god for house staff in this part of the world because by the sounds of it, I think they are probably the only ones keeping any sense of stability together at all for those poor children.
I’m sure in any other part of the world, social services would have been round in a flash and whipped them all into care by now, but here we don’t have any kind of organisation that remotely resembles social services so it falls on those who know her to try and make her see some sense but I think perhaps she probably just offers them a drink and they all get stuck in for the rest of the afternoon and that’s that.
I did ask why she kept having all these children – as I understand one of them is still only a few months old – but evidently its because ‘she wants to prove she can at least do motherhood’ – but can she?????? ……….. I don’t bloody think so! And what kind of strange way is that of proving it wouldn’t you say, and funnily enough it turns out that one of the kids ‘isn’t quite right’!
……… Nooooooooo

Fellow Kenyans, Give up the tribal politics!

Its politics, politicians and policies round our parts at the moment. It seems you cannot have a conversation lasting more than about 5 minutes without touching on the subject, so I thought perhaps I should post my 5 cents worth – although as a mzungu chick in this part of the world my opinion may not be worth much, I still have the same rights as every other Kenyan – and that includes my right to vote – whichever way that may be.

I read an excellent article in the press in one of the dailies which was a comment on the issue of politics and tribalism.

First of all can I say, I’d like to totally agree with the fellow who said that all those who felt he should vote with his tribe should basically ‘Get Stuffed’! A Kikuyu guy wrote the comment stating that the fact that although a fellow Kyuk has been in power, this has not altered his life (or any other Kikuyu for that matter) any different from any other Kenyan. Likewise in our constituency we’ve had a Luo in power for the past however long and there are no Luo’s I know of around here that have benefited – or not as the case may be – any more than the next guy whichever tribe they may be from.

Majimboism (the latest buzz word in the politicking factions) – according to the proposed constitution – is the decentralization of government with more power to the people, and although this sounds great on paper, Kenyans extremely tribalist roots will suggest they get their own tribes in and all others out! .. and the case of sharing out the cash to run each constituency will be a whole debate of its own …

Fair? … – I doubt it!

A colleague in the office told me of a scam that was going on throughout the last general election that had a gang of goons going around the villages telling the voters they felt wouldn’t swing Kibaki’s way that if they put an X in the box for Kibaki, it would mean that you didn't want him for president.

- Nice way to garner some votes wouldn’t you say!

Voting on tribal lines has become so ensconced in the Kenyan culture, you’re a Kikuyu – then obviously you vote for the Kyuk, a Luo for the Jaluo and a Kamba for the Kao – the others just get conned into voting for whoever the goons who get to them first tell them to vote for.

Please fellow Kenyans, let’s wake up and smell the roses. Let's vote for those with the best policies, those that will make our great country move forward and upward as it deserves to do.

I certainly IS demoralized !

Just spotted on Sky News:

The union spokesman from the BBC says:
"The staff is demoralized and angry!"

Now tell me - wouldn't you also be demoralized and angry if it turned out your union spokesman couldn't speak English either!!

Anything the UK can do, the US can obviously do much better!!

Not sure if you’ve ever come across my blog before or read about the news story somewhere else, but I had written about the Royal Air Force who lost a bomb a couple of weeks ago. whilst out on exercise in Scotland somewhere. Not sure if it ever turned up, but ....

“Let’s not overreact and ‘Go All Football’, we’ll just carry on as if nothing had happened and hope that some nice chap might just come across whilst out walking his dog one day and give us a quick tinkle so that we can swing by and pick it up sometime!”

Well, the Americans – not to be outdone by the Brits in any form or other have gone one better – in fact, I wouldn’t even say one better – but in true American style – totally over the top in fact.

The US Air Force not only lost the odd bomb, but totally misplaced six nuclear warheads!!

……. The paper cites anonymous sources who say that five (later updated to six) Advanced Cruise Missiles were mistakenly loaded on a B-52 bomber that flew from a base in North Dakota to one in Louisiana. The missiles, set to be decommissioned, should have been removed from the plane. Instead, they were mounted on the bomber’s wings……

Thankfully it was only for a 3 hour period and the US Air Force hasten to assure us, that the public was never at risk - ‘because of safeguards that should of kept the warheads from detonating in the event of a crash or accidental launch.’!!

……. What on earth do you mean ‘SHOULD’?!? - Perhaps they should have notified the crew flying the plane that they were carrying them in the first place – perhaps that might have been a little more useful!!

International Day for the Eradication of Poverty.

Kibera slums - where one in 3 Nairobians live.

Today is International Day for the Eradication of Poverty, and as much as i sometimes wonder what all those UN types round our parts get up to half the time, I do believe that somehow, some of the time, they do actually do something useful and for once I'd like to stand up with them.

I've stuck in a link at the side of my blog in which you can all join up and support the Global Call to Action Against Poverty - a worldwide alliance that is committed to forcing the world leaders to live up their promises they made at the dawn of the Millennium, to the world’s poor.

The leaders pledged a world where all children complete their elementary education; a world where people have access to safe drinking water, and families are protected from deadly diseases like malaria; a world where nations work together to cut greenhouse gas emissions that contribute to global warming. Above all, our leaders promised a world where people are no longer condemned to a life of extreme and egregious poverty.

This year, International Day for the Eradication of Poverty falls just after the midpoint in the race to reach those commitments -- ( the Millennium Development Goals, as they are known) -- by the target date of 2015. The Day provides an important opportunity to take stock of progress, and it seems that although the proportion of people globally living on less than a dollar a day has fallen, progress has been uneven, and some regions -- particularly sub-Saharan Africa -- are not on track to redeem even a single one of these grand promises.

- Well, that's us folks - the sub-Saharan ones that are stuffing up their statistics, and yet we are surrounded by do-gooders and UN types, so something somewhere must be going on although i'm not sure how its gone so horribly wrong. Although i can't profess to be able to save the world, i would like to think that somehow we can all do something somewhere to save my fellow citizens.

Ban Ki-Moon suggests Governments to become more accountable to their citizens in their efforts to achieve the Millennium Goals - nice try Mr Moon but you're obviously not an African politician as those around these parts are keen on inflating the banana and orange market, meanwhile making empty promises, that seem to fill nothing but their own pockets!

He then goes on to say: "Above all, it requires a true partnership for development -- one in which rich countries do their part in delivering resources and productive employment opportunities through market access, so as to enable the poor to take control of their lives. " - Now, here i could not agree more. We do not need more and more food aid, we need more and more opportunities to give the poor in order to enable them to take control of their own lives and not to have to live on handouts for ever.

Bravo Ban Ki-Moon - and i do hope our politicians also take a little more notice and stop with the empty promises.

Great things happening to save Kenya’s fragile environment

Since the Blog Action Day came up, I’ve been looking about to see what I should write about on this day. Of course, growing up and living in Kenya means that it I am passionate about the place, and I’d really like to be able to share that in some small way with the rest of the world. I picked on tourism as it is one of the top four foreign exchange earners in this country and it is vital that we conserve our tourism and that we encourage visitors to come to Kenya and see our beautiful country but also have respect for it too.

Statistics show that spending by tourists makes up 12% of our economy and about half a million Kenyans depend on the travel industry for a living so it is absolutely vital that we take care of it.
Kenyans are generally well aware of this fact and are most definitely making more of an effort with regards to sustainable tourism development and promoting practices that will conserve Kenya’s natural environment and improve livelihoods of associated communities.

Ecotourism Kenya is a civil society organization that is now doing exactly that and pursues its vision of making Kenya’s tourism sustainable by:-

• Managing the Eco-rating Scheme, a certification system for tourism accommodation facilities in Kenya
• Managing the Eco-warrior Award, an annual award that recognizes outstanding tour operators, accommodation providers and community groups in Kenya
• Conducting educational and training programs for stakeholders in the tourism industry, with an emphasis on community groups
• Conducting surveys and research on ecotourism and sustainable tourism
• Providing advisory and consultancy services in areas of research, planning, management and policy development on issues relating to ecotourism
• Supporting communities implementing community based tourism initiatives
• Maintaining a database of ecotourism initiatives in Kenya

So now you’ve all got a taste for the great things that we are trying to do for our country please come and visit us and put in your contribution to saving our beautiful environment.

For the most eco-friendly safaris, go to www.ecotourism.org and search through the tourism accommodation facilities on their site that have been certified in the Eco-rating scheme.

blog action day!

On October 15th, bloggers around the web will unite to put a single important issue on everyone's mind - the environment. Every blogger will post about the environment in their own way and relating to their own topic. The aim being to get everyone talking towards a better future.

Blog Action Day is about MASS participation. Please click on the link below and be a part of this:

Whatever happened to Steve Fossett?

Here in Nairobi last weekend we had an air show. It was an awesome affair, with the highlight being two incredible pilots flying some incredible acrobatics in their Pitt's specials, and it reminded me of another daring man that we all seem to have conveniently wiped out of our minds.

I’m not sure if people have very short memories or Steve Fossett's is just not important enough even though he had many brilliant and historic achievements, but it seems we’ve all just stopped looking. In his career he set 115 new world records or world firsts, and holds current official World Records in 5 sports. Now surely that's something bragable?

I find it kind of disturbing that one night on every news channel headlined the story that he went missing but then, hey, a couple of day's searching – no sign it seems – so stuff him – lets move on.
He wasn’t doing anything exciting enough at the time – just flying his plane, not attempting to break any records or anything so it seems its not very interesting and we can forget that somewhere out there in the Navada dessert is this fellow – or what remains of him. He’s got to be there somewhere – I mean, it’s highly unlikely someone took him, is it? Personally I can’t see high demand for old fat boy adventurers? (No offence to him at all - but really i would hardly say he was the nickable type ..........)
Anyway its been over a month now and not a word and I do think that perhaps it does deserve the odd mention from time to time as it must be horrendous for his family to just never have any idea of what happened or where on earth he ended up.

Thoughts and prayers to them all.

Please take a look at his website www.stevefossett.com

I'm gonna get me a Nobel prize!

Turn's out there's an alternative to the real Nobel Laureates called the 'Ig Nobel Prizes' that are given out for marking achievements that 'first make people laugh, and then make them think.'

The Ig Nobel prizes were created by AIR (Annals of Improbable Research), and are intended to celebrate the unusual, honour the imaginative, and spur peoples interest in science, medicine and technology. (I'm not sure if they spur my interest in the sciences and suchlike but they most certainly spur my sense of humour. They are superb.)

..... and some of the winners of this years awards are:

The Ig Nobel peace prize which went to the US Air Force's Wright Laboratory in Ohio for its 1994 plan to develop a weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistable to one another, an idea later dubbed the "gay bomb". (This is great as they can all have a 'love in' instead of blowing each other's heads off.)

The Ig Nobel aviation prize was given out for a study showing that a hamster-sized dose of Viagra can help the rodents recover from jet-lag. (Very useful i think when travellling with one's hamster to far off places - as one generally does of course!)

The Ig Nobel prize in medicine went to Brian Witcombe, a radiologist at Gloucestershire Royal NHS Trust for his study of sword swallowing and its side effects. The most common problem for sword swallowers he found is "sword throat," a soreness that develops when they are learning the trick. But Witcombe and Meyer could find no documented fatalities caused by swallowing swords – excluding internet reports of people who swallowed neon tubes, spear guns, or jackhammers. "The big question is why the hell they do it," Witcombe says.

- "Absolutely Sunshine - If you could find out WHY they did it, you could probably earn yourself another award!"

The Chemistry Prize went to Mayu Yamamoto of the International Medical Center of Japan for producing synthetic vanilla from cow dung. (- must remember to pass that one onto all farming friends of mine and get them out there picking up that valuable dung, ditch the dairy business and get into vanilla processing.)

Linguistics – This Ig Nobel prize went to Juan Toro, Josep Trobalon, and Núria Sebastián-Gallés of the University of Barcelona for a paper titled "Effects of backward speech and speaker variability in language discrimination by rats". They found that rats could recognize the rhythmic differences between Dutch and Japanese sentences, but not if the words were replayed backwards! ....... (No, really!!! ........ Note in diary: Must remember to play all linguistic tapes to rats forwards so as not to confuse them.)

Biology – Johanna van Bronswijk of the Eindhoven University of Technology earned the Ig Nobel biology prize by vacuuming up insects, mites, spiders, crustaceans, bacteria, and fern spores from Dutch mattresses, to survey all the tiny beasties lurking in the average bed. - Now that really sounds like good fun! Get the hoovers out girls - finally a use for them at last!

So now i've run through what a bunch of supposedly sensible people out there get up to of an evening, it's my turn.........

Thinking of submitting the following:

Medicine: Research into the longest time a 2 year old can play with a piece of lego without getting it stuck up their nose.

Linguistics: Teach Golden Retriever and Rottweiler some new words besides 'Woof, Woof and of course Woof!', and study which one of them has the best English accent.

Peace: Give everyone in Kenya 1 and a half oranges and a banana and teach them all how to make fruit salad rather than throwing them at each other! This will give them all a chance to have a banana for the PNU, an orange for ODM and an orange and a half for ODM Kenya - these being the symbols for the 3 main parties vying for the Presidential elections here in Kenya.

Yippee, Christmas is coming!

Apparently we really do live in the third world.

I’d never heard of Neiman Marcus – the outrageous present shopping site until I heard of them on a business segment of the CNN news the other day when they were talking of the new Christmas Catalogue that has been launched.

Well, I had no idea what fab things you could buy online (if only you have tons of cash and a little brain that would make you waste wads of cash, and if you are that person and are reading this – please give me a call and I could give you a million and one ideas on how better to give away your money. We have millions starving in this part of the world that for less than a dollar a day can be fed, clothed and housed. - Think about it!!) - but I digress ….. a lot!
Sorry, back to the point.

I was awfully excited to see that you can spend $75,000 on a robot that will talk to you (- it doesn’t tell you what it says though! Perhaps it gives worldly advice on where next to park your cash, or perhaps it gives out stocks and share advice – or perhaps it was programmed by a normal person and only says “Stop wasting your money, you flash git!!”)

Not only that, but at a snip, for $73,000 you can get yourself a diamond encrusted cell-phone (-that of course is highly likely to get nicked at any given moment in this, our smashing home town of Nai-robbery – whoops sorry – Nairobi, and then sold in some shady deal to some fellow downtown for about ten bucks – as it’s too bling to fetch more. And what they’d do when they pressed the button and got the 24 hour global concierge service could be an extremely amusing tale … I wonder if they have a ‘Jaluo’ service?)

And if you’ve got a cool $1.59Million to blow and 499 friends (which I sadly wouldn’t be able to rustle up – just call me ‘Norma’ – Norma No Mates!) – you can get yourself a private concert with Russia’s Kirov Orchestra and ‘for good measure’, the Steinway concert grand stays behind! - Gosh, they really are too kind!

It’s brilliant. I wonder if they have a service where you can list all the items you’d like gifted to you for Christmas, send a letter up to the North Pole, and Father Christmas could kindly drop down your chimney and leave them all nicely packaged under your Christmas tree in return for a glass of milk and a carrot for Rudolph?

Supernanny: Jo Frost

Now could someone please talk me through the supernanny and her latest book “Jo Frost’s Confident Baby Care”?

I’m sorry but why would anyone take heed of words spouted by some dominatrix style finger wagging stuffy chick whose never actually had a child of her own, and let her dictate to you what is good and bad for your own baby, and by any stretch of the imagination think you feel ‘confident’ about any of it?!?!

Has she been to that rock bottom place in her life where all you want to do is throttle the little blighter and drop kick them off the balcony of your 10th story apartment?

Has she ever experienced the nightmare and indignity of ‘childbirth’ in which you’re made to endure hours and hours of pain more awful than you could ever dream to inflict on your worst enemy, whilst some nurse or midwife rummages about in your nether regions and announces “Not yet 10cm dilated dear, whatever you do don’t push” – and you want to punch her really really hard – and probably do if she makes the mistake of standing too close to either of your arms!

Has she ever had to live in a sleep deprived state of despair listening to ear splitting screams that you think will never end?

Has she ever had to walk about with the inevitable blow up rubber ring tucked under her arm everywhere she went on which she has to humiliatingly sit down on to get any respite from major discomfort from bits of your body that have been battered, bruised and most likely stitched up?

Has she?? Has she??
Nope, didn’t think so!

You go girl, just you wait and see how the parenting techniques pan out for you darling if you ever do have a baby, and all you want to do is curl up in the corner and quietly fade away, and meanwhile she’s finger wagging at you from the inner pages of her bestseller saying; “Don’t give in. Routine is king!”, and meanwhile back here in the real world, you’ll do absolutely anything for 10 minutes peace. And if that means sticking your baby on the boob every half an hour just to keep them from incessant ear-splitting screaming, then so be it!

I’m afraid good, solid, common sense goes straight out the window, because if it doesn’t, the likelihood is the baby will!